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AIBU?

Am I being unreasonable to post my friend's photo on Facebook?

56 replies

Adventuress1 · 20/09/2014 18:51

My friend was my boyfriend 25 years ago and we have remained friends ever since. I have never wanted to rekindle any sexual relationship. Since then he has been married and brought up 2 kids and is now living with a partner, though the relationship is over as far as he's concerned but they're buying the house together, so it's difficult to part. Meanwhile, he met someone in August who he thinks is the 'most wonderful woman ever' and they intend to get married. I see him once or twice a year - we live quite a distance away from each other. I was never allowed near either his marital home nor the current home. When I saw him I had to camp a mile from town while he would pretend to his partner that he was off on a job all day. I've met him twice in a town halfway between us. Last time was a couple of weeks ago. He'd had plenty of opportunity to tell his new girlfriend that he was meeting me, but chickened out. When I told him to tell her that evening where he'd been that day, he said he couldn't because he was scared he would lose her. (He had in fact altered the day we met in case she wanted to see him the following day, but she saw a male friend instead). I took a photo of him in a restaurant we ate in, and said I was going to post it on Facebook, which I did. He was worried about that, even though the new woman doesn't do Facebook. But I was absolutely fed up with the deception he'd been practising concerning me: the other women knew I was his ex, and had been his friend ever since, and they knew he wrote to me and texted me regularly. But phone calls and meeting were not allowed. (He usually sat in a car park at night to phone me). I decided this time I wasn't going to go along with this nonsense, so posted his picture on Facebook. Since then he has de-activated his Facebook account, though he denies that this is why he's done it.

OP posts:
Lonecatwithkitten · 20/09/2014 18:54

He is buying a house with one partner and going to marry someone else - you lost me at that point.

MrsDavidBowie · 20/09/2014 18:54

I don't think you should have done it. What do you hope to achieve?

BoldFossil · 20/09/2014 18:55

he's buying a house with one woman and planning to marry another

Confused

Bearbehind · 20/09/2014 18:55

Me too lone

You need paragraphs OP!

FunkyBoldRibena · 20/09/2014 18:56

You that is pretty unreasonable. It's his relationship and you are just being irritating for no good reason. How exactly is that being a good friend?

Can you try growing up just a little?

OraProNobis · 20/09/2014 18:57

Sounds like he goes for a certain type of fruitloop!

schmee · 20/09/2014 18:58

YABU to post his picture without his permission
YANBU to be confused/irritated with his behaviour

TBH he doesn't sound like a great bloke if he is so duplicitous.

phantomnamechanger · 20/09/2014 18:59

I can't see any motivation for you posting that photo, other than to stir up trouble.
And I think you still fancy him.

Fairylea · 20/09/2014 19:02

Well doesn't he sound quite the catch HmmConfused

Icelollycraving · 20/09/2014 19:05

Bizarre.

Rusticated · 20/09/2014 19:05

You all sound about fifteen. Well, apart from the fairly major deception and betrayal he's perpetrating on his current partner.

So, he's buying a house with one woman, who presumably thinks they're in a committed, monogamous relationship, but he's screwing someone else whom he's secretly planning to marry, while inexplicably going along with the house purchase with his partner?

But all YOU'RE annoyed about is that he hasn't told his secret bit on the side he was meeting you???? And you chose a shrieky teenage way of 'proving' to his bit on the side that he was with you???? That is what is bothering you out of the whole godawful mess?

PedlarsSpanner · 20/09/2014 19:06

Why have you been happy to be a secret for all this time?

LapsedTwentysomething · 20/09/2014 19:06

You were bothered enough about seeing him that you camped in order to do so? Confused

HarrietSchulenberg · 20/09/2014 19:08

I wouldn't post photos of anyone unless they gave me permission, and I'd be cross if anyone else did of me.
Your ex sounds like a prize twat: what kind of person buys a house with someone whilst intending to marry another?

Finola1step · 20/09/2014 19:08

So he's buying a house with his partner but says he loves another woman and wants to marry her.

He has spent years denying your friendship and quite frankly behaving as if you are having an affair. Phone calls from car parks, meeting in towns halfway. If I was either his ex, partner or current OW, I would be deeply suspicious.

Sounds like he thrives on all the drama. One big ego stroke for him. What do you get out of this friendship?

Finola1step · 20/09/2014 19:09

Oh and don't post his pic without permission.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 20/09/2014 19:14

You want to be 'friends' with an utter dick like this why?
And give over with the 'don't fancy him' business we didn't come down in the last shower

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 20/09/2014 19:16

Why on earth would want to continue with a friendship with someone so bloody vile? Why would you go and visit him behind his g/f's back? Why would you tolerate receiving phone calls from him on the sly? What is wrong with you?

SergeantJarhead · 20/09/2014 19:18

Might want to rethink how you really do feel for your friend there Op, I care for my friends a great deal but I sure as hell wouldn't hide from their partners incase they were somehow ... jealous? or wounded?
Your friend is being unreasonable, he shouldn't be buying a house with someone he was in a relationship with and seeing someone new. It will just be confusion all over the place. Choose your friends more carefully :)

AdmitYouKnowImRight · 20/09/2014 19:23

Im lost with all the partners and things.

However. I don't like FB photos - so that's me in the corner with a bag in my head . I don't think you have any right to snap people and then plaster them all over social media.

daisychain01 · 20/09/2014 19:23

Sounds a bit vindictive to me. But I hate Fb and posting photos of other people without their explicit permission is not good IMO.

Can't you just leave him alone to get on with his life and you get on with yours?

Genuine question, I just don't understand what you are trying to do there.

lunar1 · 20/09/2014 19:28

Sounds like you are trying to cause trouble to me.

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Adventuress1 · 20/09/2014 19:28

OK I take the point I shouldn't have posted his photo. But I was absolutely exasperated with being expected to go along with his deception, and I think I wanted to make the point to him that I was no longer prepared to take part in this game of his. You are right, he does get off on the excitement of it all, and he was behaving as if I was an affair he was having, not a friend.

OP posts:
Adventuress1 · 20/09/2014 19:32

I certainly don't fancy him; I actually stopped fancying him while we were going out together and now find him quite repulsive. I don't even like him kissing me as you do a friend with a peck on the cheek or giving me a hug and have asked him not to. By the way, I am 61, not that that stops me having sexual feelings, but I certainly don't have them for him. We have been good friends for 29 years if you include the time when we went out together. Judging from some of your responses, it's hardly surprising that he's worried that any woman he's with will automatically assume I'm still after him, since this is what many of you seem to think. Can't a man and a woman just be good friends?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 20/09/2014 19:35

If you don't like his behaviour, don't be friends with him.

Seriously, it is that simple.

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