AIBU to let my dad pay for a cleaner?

[CarmineRose1978]

Some background: I'm 30 weeks pregnant with severe SPD, so bad I can barely walk and certainly can't do anything much around the house. I've been signed off work, and will be going on maternity leave a month earlier than planned on 2nd October. I feel like the house just isn't getting cleaned often or thoroughly enough. My DP is doing his best but he works full time and is often really tired at weekends and in the evening. He's doing everything while I loll on the sofa or in bed, and I feel terrible.

Worse, I'm also getting quite annoyed (and feeling guilty about that too!) because he's not cleaning as often as I'd like... It's a fortnight since he cleaned the bathrooms, or mopped or hoovered. I'm doing my best by sweeping up and using our handheld Hoover every few days, but it's extremely difficult for me to even stand. And I want to nest properly! I did suggest a cleaner to him (we can afford one) but he says he'd rather save the money and do it himself... But he's not doing it! And I can't say anything without feeling like I'm nagging and ungrateful.

Anyway, I mentioned is to my dad when we were chatting and he said he'd pay for us to have a cleaner for a couple of hours a week, for the next three months - baby should be born by then and I hopefully will be recovering from SPD so will be able to do more myself. WIBU to take him up on his offer? He can afford it easily but I feel bad.

[sausageandorangepickle]

If he can afford it easily, do it! If it makes you feel better, ask him not to buy you a baby present, and have the cleaner instead. My mum paid for my whole house to have a deep clean when DS3 was born, as it is then so much easier to keep on top of it, and it was wonderful!

[noddingoff]

Go for it, the house will be clean, you will be happy, more time for DP to make you nice cups of tea and get some rest too, and your dad will feel like a hero. Everyone's a winner.

[WorraLiberty]

Just book and pay for the cleaner yourself?

[Coughle]

Of course! What's to feel bad about?? He's ensuring that his grandchild has a clean home and non-stressed parents.

[CarmineRose1978]

Thanks for replying, sausage. He has already bought us our pram though! That's one reason I feel bad about accepting anything else.

My mum and brother both died in the last few years, and he does tend to spoil me a bit... He says he's spending my inheritance on me now instead of it sitting in the bank doing nothing.

[YoSkylar]

Sounds great!

[CarmineRose1978]

Worra, DP and I don't spend our joint money without agreeing, and once I'm on maternity leave, I wouldn't be able to afford it out of my stat mat pay.

[CarmineRose1978]

Thanks everyone else! That makes me feel better.

[sausageandorangepickle]

and now is when you could do with a bit of it spending. Honestly, he is offering and can afford it, just do it!

[ALittleFaith]

My Dad did this after I'd had DD (and helped me clean before I had her - but I didn't have SPD!). It was the best gift I could have received, it motivated me to tidy up before our cleaner came and took a huge amount of pressure off. If he's offering, I'd take him up on it. Tell your DH you can enjoy more time together if that pressure is off him.

[WorraLiberty]

Ok well I just think it's weird

A fortnight since he cleaned the bathrooms, or mopped or hoovered and yet he lives there too?

I don't think that's fair personally, especially if he doesn't work weekends.

But it's good that it will make your Dad and you happy, hopefully it'll be a wake up call for your DP too, that someone else has had to step in.

[cingolimama]

I did this for a friend of mine and it made me very happy to do it, which is where I think your dad is coming from. Why feel bad? You'll have a clean house and your dad gets that warm fuzzy feeling.

Please accept this.

[VestaCurry]

Carmine, it will made your lovely Dad and you happy so please take him up on his offer. I had SPD in the last 10 weeks of my pregnancy and know how debilitiating it can be (every step like someone driving a knife into you know where But.... Worra speaks wise words, please make sure your DH knows the support is being drafted in because he's not pulling his weight. The thing with SPD is, it can be v v debilitating, so when it hits you (and it can be sudden) you need the practical help quickly and haven't got the time or energy to argue about who should be pitching in more.

[Ragwort]

I agree with others, your father has offered and he can afford it, he will enjoy seeing you 'spend' his money rather than getting it all when he dies . My parents are very generous with their money but as they say, the positively enjoy seeing us enjoy it rather than it sitting in the bank waiting for us to have it as an inheritance (and of course they live very comfortably themselves and give generously - money and time - to many charitable causes - so I don't feel guilty about accepting it).

I use to feel a bit embarrassed but now I learn to accept graciously.

There are things that money can't buy - ie: time with their children and grandchildren so I make sure we do spend quality time together - not just accepting the gifts but giving nothing in return.

[owlborn]

God, I'd snap my dad's hand off for an offer like that. Go for it.

[Ragwort]

But I do think it is a big red flag that your DP won't do housework in his own home.

[Twotallladies]

Let him do it. My mum does stuff like this for me too. Her money will be mine one day anyway (as she constantly reminds me). It gives her a lot of pleasure to see us enjoy the occasional "bequest" while she's around. I don't mean to be morbid BTW.

[Mitzimaybe]

Definitely accept your Dad's offer and you shouldn't feel guilty. Your DH should, though. He's not pulling his weight unless his job is physically ultra-exhausting, like breaking rocks with a pickaxe or carrying heavy loads long distances all day

[KnackeredMuchly]

Go for it. Your DH sounds fine to me

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

I'd go for it. I got a cleaner when I had an operation several years ago, have had one ever since. Make sure you and DH have a plan for what happens when the cleaner stops. Maybe allocate him stuff that you're less bothered about?

[Nameexchange]

No dilemma :-) Your Dad can afford it and wants to do this for you. It will also make you happy. What's not to like? I suspect it might also send a bit of a message to your DP...

I love spending money on my adult DC and would hate them to feel bad about it when I am trying to make them feel good. It feels much better to do that than to hoard the money until I die.

Incidentally, I am so sorry for the loss of your Mum and your Brother - you and your dad have had a tough time in the last few years.

[JeanSeberg]

My DP is doing his best but he works full time and is often really tired at weekends and in the evening

Let me get my violin out...

By all mean let your dad spend his money but it doesn't solve the problem does it?

[Alligatorpie]

My step sis's mil gave her a year worth of cleaning once a week after her dd was born. She always said was the best gift ever and more than she could have ever asked for.
Absolutely, let your dad pay for it!

[SASASI]

Defo go for it. We have a cleaner seeing as I am recovering from a c-section & it's so wonderful! I'd love to keep her for once a month even when I'm more fit & able...

[Momagain1]

Oh, do let your dad help out! It's a gift, and your DP should appreciate his to do list being shortened.