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AIBU?

to not want my FiL staying when I am overdue with DC2

18 replies

filey1 · 18/09/2014 05:46

Am 40+5 with DC2. MiL has been staying since Sat to be around to look after DD when I go in to labour. FiL keeps saying he will come down this Sat. I really don't want him around when I go in to labour. He is pretty useless and a fussy old thing so I think having him here will delay my labour. Had a traumatic first birth and now feel under pressure to go in to labour. I am up to the loo every few hours at night and know I will most likely have the runs before labour so don't want to have him in the way.
It is great having my MiL here to help with DD but just don't want anyone else in house. I am sure he is feeling a bit put out by himself at home but I think this is one time that is understandable. I want DH to step in and say something before he comes down (4 hour drive) but what can he say?

Sorry for rambling!

OP posts:

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Bulbasaur · 18/09/2014 05:53

I'd tell him yourself. Text him or something. It's pretty hard to argue against the pregnancy card.

Alternatively, tell your DH to talk to him NOW before he drives down. Have him say you're pregnant, you only want women around who understand what it's like, you're stressed enough without more house guests, etc...

Do you only have one bathroom? Use that as an excuse.

Sirzy · 18/09/2014 06:42

Can you pay for him and MIL to spend a couple of nights in a hotel locally then they get to spend some time together but she is still close enough to step in if you go into labour?

moxon · 18/09/2014 07:19

What sirzy said. I certainly wouldn't want anyone around I don't feel comfortable immodesty groaning around.

filey1 · 18/09/2014 10:31

Thanks for your replies. Think I will just get DH to say that it will be too much having him here. DD is waking up twice a night as well so no one is getting much sleep! Hoping things hurry up and happen.

OP posts:

SaucyJack · 18/09/2014 10:35

Your FIL needs to put his big boy pants on for this one.

I assume your MIL is with you by choice, and is happy? He should respect that he isn't needed and give you all some space.

PiperRose · 18/09/2014 10:54

Ok going against the grain I think YAB(a little bit)U.

His wife is there. By having her staying there you have basically separated a couple because it's of convenient for you, I think if they come as a pair then you need to suck it up for the free help you're getting.

Pootles2010 · 18/09/2014 10:56

Have a word with your mil. Just say you are worried about being in labour in front of a man who isn't your husband, I'm sure she will get that more than your dh or fil might.

ArabellaTarantella · 18/09/2014 11:00

I'm with PiperRose - I think you are being a bit precious.

SaucyJack · 18/09/2014 11:04

Do you not think a grown man who can't cope in his own home without his wife for a few days is also being a bit precious?

Perhaps the MIL is more than happy with the current arrangements anyway? I know my MIL would love a few days off of looking after man-child FIL herself- may well be the same for the OP's mil.

parallax80 · 18/09/2014 11:34

I think it depends how long you are expecting MiL to be there - if she's already been with you since Sat, and you go to 40+14, and she then stays to help out for a few days post birth, that's not a few days, it's 3 weeks. I wouldn't particularly want to be in labour while sitting round the dinner table with my FiL but I think YWBU to expect him to not see his wife for the best part of a month. If it ended up being a longer stay, a B&B or similar for a couple of nights might be a good compromise.

parallax80 · 18/09/2014 11:35

(Hopefully you'll have a fast labour tonight anyway and it'll be a non-issue!)

quietbatperson · 18/09/2014 11:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

venusandmars · 18/09/2014 12:01

Your poor FIL - he probably just wants to see you all, to see his wife and share her excitement (not to watch you in labour). Is he coming to stay for the duration, or just coming for the day on Saturday, or come on Saturday and leave on Sunday?

B&B or hotel for the night sounds like a nice compromise.

filey1 · 18/09/2014 15:11

Thanks for your comments. It was always assumed on her part and ours that she would come to stay to be with DD whilst we are in hospital. Due to previous birth ending in me passing out as soon as DD was born, having a 3 litre hemorrhage, 3rd degree tear and DD having group b strep infection, lumbar puncture etc, I am being more precious than normal. MiL is very happy to be here and I think she enjoys the break. My DH makes nice dinner every night, she chats with him over a glass of wine whilst I put DD to bed, we try to make it a pleasant stay. If he was here the tv would be on all the time and he is often up watching TV til 1am. His brother and sister live an hour away from us so that is an option.
DD was 6 days overdue so hoping I don't go too much further. I think FiL us just set in his ways and not comfortable with uncertainty.

Ahhhh! Late pregnancy is stressful!

OP posts:

filey1 · 18/09/2014 15:17

Venusandmars, not sure how long he will stay for - that is part of the problem. If it was just one night or so that would be fine but I not sure. And he will want DH to go to the pub with him and entertain him. DH is a bit clingy to me and DD at the moment as last birth was difficult for him as he came close to losing us both ( I narrowly missed having a hysterectomy in the end). And DD has been out of sorts lately too.

Sorry for big whinge everyone!

OP posts:

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 18/09/2014 15:39

I think it's a bit mean to expect you PILs to be apart for such a long time. Couldn't you have asked for a friend or someone more local to take your DD once you were actually in labour, perhaps with your PILs driving down to take over after a few hours. That would seem more sensible that than having MIL on call for a fortnight (or more) and away from FIL. I think I'd let him visit as he suggests chances are he won't be there when you go into labour.

comedycentral · 18/09/2014 15:41

Don't be sorry for whinging, we are here to listen and support!

whatever5 · 18/09/2014 15:50

You're not unreasonable to not want your FIL to stay but I think that you would be unreasonable to actually stop him staying for a couple of days considering that your MIL will be helping you look after your dd while you are in hospital. Unless you are having a home birth you won't actually be in labour in front of him but if you are really unhappy about him staying I would offer to pay for your MIL and FIL to stay somewhere nearby for the weekend.

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