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AIBU?

To think 2 1/2 hours is too long in a dirty nappy?

336 replies

RandallFloyd · 17/09/2014 09:30

DS started pre-school this year and is not potty trained at all. Just not ready.

The school handbook thingy says "your child will not be precluded from attending Nursery should they not be toilet trained. In such circumstances a programme/plan will be drawn up between the school and parents as a positive step towards improving the situation".

He was dirty when I picked him up on Monday so yesterday, at drop-off, I asked them what their policy is. I was told they aren't allowed to change them, they have to encourage them to do it themselves. Also that they have to rely on the child telling them they are dirty. I explained that although he does wear pull-ups he wouldn't be able to do that and there is always wipes, nappies and nappy bags in his bag.

She just re-iterated that that's what they have to do, so I asked that if he is dirty again can they ring me and I'll sort him out (I live 5 mins away). Tbh I couldn't think of any other option.

She agreed but I left feeling like I'd asked something really unusual.

I know it's only morning but surely up to 2 1/2 hours is too long in a dirty nappy? Of course he could have only been dirty for 5 minutes, I'll never know, but he was uncomfortable enough that he wouldn't walk home and was quite sore. And a diet nappy stinks, how can they need to wait for the child to tell them?!

Am I being massively pfb? I genuinely want honest opinions.

OP posts:
VerucaInTheNutRoom · 17/09/2014 09:32

I would be fuming if my child were left that long in a soiled nappy.

SolomanDaisy · 17/09/2014 09:33

That's ridiculous. It's just not a workable method and is obviously designed to force you into attempting to potty train. Not allowed to change nappies? Presumably they are three year-olds, loads of these kids will still need help.

WildFlowersAttractBees · 17/09/2014 09:33

DD(3) is not toilet trained yet but she can hold it so has yet to poo in nursery. However if she did they would change her as they do with many others.

Ticktockblock · 17/09/2014 09:34

They should have called you, if he had done it as soon as he got there then leaving him dirty is bloody awful.

mummymi · 17/09/2014 09:34

I would be annoyed. How can that be their policy, surely it goes against a health and safety policy to leave a child in a dirty nappy?

Bslami · 17/09/2014 09:34

I'm sure someone will be along in a minute to tell us whether that is legally correct (not "allowed to change nappy) but it sounds verging on cruel. Poor little thing.
Also your offer of running along to change it is surely more than a compromise
They can't say they take non potty trained children but then not change nappies. Very passive aggressive
Takes me ages to post on my phone ... You've probably had dozens if replies by now

Icelollycraving · 17/09/2014 09:36

Lots of children at the pre schools I looked at weren't potty trained. I would be trying to potty train if possible because this isn't v workable. Being in a pooey nappy for hours is grim. It will be uncomfortable,could irritate & would smell. I'd also worry about other children commenting on the smell etc.

ColdCottage · 17/09/2014 09:37

Doesn't seem like they are fulfilling their duty of care to leave them that long in a dirty nappy.

From the wording it seems they can change them with your permission. I world write to the head.

LiverpoolLou · 17/09/2014 09:38

No you're not being PFB at all. That sounds like neglect to me. If they take children still in nappies then they deal with children still in nappies. Cruel bastards. I'm angry on you behalf.

Hurr1cane · 17/09/2014 09:39

It's not legally correct that they're not allowed to change nappies, they are allowed but an intimate care plan has to be drawn up and they may not want to change the child alone so may bring another person in to be there just as a safeguarding point.

However.

It is not in their contracts to change nappies. So they don't legally have to.

But they do have a duty of care, so it's the headteacher you need to see. She needs to find someone willing to change him and she needs to draw up a care plan.

scarletforya · 17/09/2014 09:40

What?

They left a child in a shitty nappy for 2.5 hours?

That is outrageous They encourage them to change themselves? What a load of nonsense, how can a child change it's own nappy? Shock If they aren't ready to toilet train how on earth could they change their own nappy?

And I don't believe they have to rely on the child to tell them. A dirty nappy smell fills the room in seconds. They would have smelt it.

I would not be happy with this at all OP.

WooWooOwl · 17/09/2014 09:41

It is bollocks that they aren't allowed to change him. If the staff are saying that then it could well be a self imposed ban that the management is insisting on, but there is nothing in law or guidelines for pre schools to say that they can't change nappies. Even potty trained children need help with accidents or help wiping after a poo sometimes.

They can and should be encouraging independence, but that's not related to this issue.

You aren't being PFB at all.

How old is your ds?

RandallFloyd · 17/09/2014 09:42

That's exactly my thoughts.

Surely they either accept children in nappies or they don't. How can they say 'ties. They can wear nappies but we won't change them'? It just doesn't make sense to me.

They're 3. Plenty of kids are still in nappies at 3. The more I think about it the more annoyed I'm getting!

OP posts:
Hurr1cane · 17/09/2014 09:42

I know this from experience, in the school I taught in it was only me and one TA who was willing to change nappies. But we did both want someone with us when we were changing just to cover ourselves. So basically whenever a child needed changing I'd be summoned out of my classroom, grab another TA, change them, then go back to class.

When I left there was only one person willing to do changes.

whatever5 · 17/09/2014 09:48

The ones my children went to certainly would change nappies as it's inevitable some children that age will not be toilet trained.

It doesn't sound like a good pre-school and I would think about moving your child elsewhere. If they can't be bothered to change the odd nappy for the sake of a child in their care, I would wonder what else they can't be bothered.

SolomanDaisy · 17/09/2014 09:57

It's ridiculous. These are three year-olds. Not changing a nappy without someone else there is so over cautious it is laughable. My DS is in a group of 2-4 year olds at preschool and plenty of the 3 year olds are still in nappies. DS is toilet trained but needs help wiping and they do that. This isn't in the UK.

MrsWinnibago · 17/09/2014 09:57

YANBU it's cruel. Can you start teaching DS to tell them when he's "been" so they can at the very least phone you up? I don't think untrained 3 year olds are rare at all but I do think that by 3, the majority can communicate that they're in need of a change. Has he got language issues?

RandallFloyd · 17/09/2014 09:59

He's an August baby (like me!) so he's only just turned 3.

In fairness he could have only pooed 5 mins before pick-up but I'll never know because he can't tell me. What with not being potty gained and all! The thing is, if that is their policy then the potential is there for him to poss at five past nine and still be sat in it when I pick him up at half past eleven.

They didn't wipe his nose for him when he had a stinking cold last week, either. I know kids get snot everywhere but his face was completely encrusted. It was so welded on that it would come off with a wet wipe, I had to give him a bath. His hair was stuck to his forehead and his eyebrows wee all matter, the works. Every day. His face was really sore all week.

Is that really normal?

OP posts:
ShadowStar · 17/09/2014 10:02

That sounds neglectful. If they accept children with nappies, they should really be prepared to change dirty nappies. Expecting the child to change their own nappy just isn't workable. I'd be surprised if the average 3 yr old was capable of doing that properly.

And leaving them in a dirty nappy for up to 2.5 hrs is a health issue for the child. DS2, for instance, has very sensitive skin. His bottom would be covered in open bleeding sores if he was left in a dirty nappy for anywhere near that long.

MrsWinnibago · 17/09/2014 10:02

That sounds terrible! :( can you move him? Both my DD's were looked after properly in their pre school...most places wipe noses or help children to do it!

I don't think it's normal OR acceptable.

PistolWhipped · 17/09/2014 10:02

Why isn't your tot potty trained?

MrsWinnibago · 17/09/2014 10:03

tot Confused

Plenty aren't Pistol at just turned 3.

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WildFlowersAttractBees · 17/09/2014 10:05

Pistol, what concern is the lack of potty training to you?

ShadowStar · 17/09/2014 10:05

Pistol - plenty of just turned 3 yr olds aren't toilet trained. It's not unusual.

MsAnthropic · 17/09/2014 10:05

No, this is not normal. I'd be on the phone to your LEA for advice ASAP.

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