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AIBU?

to be annoyed about sister and sil dictating xmas presents already

89 replies

crazylady321 · 16/09/2014 22:17

Still a while off but im sure like alot ive already bought quite a few bits, Ive just seen a status on fb from my sister saying she had bought her kids all their main presents already and has asked people not to buy toys only clothes. I commented and said oh shit already got all four of their presents (all toys), cousin then commented and said she felt the same and only wants clothes for her dcs which is a bummer since already bought her kids aswell. Do I give them or take back shop?
We are on a 5.00 limit for our neices and nephews this year so buying clothes would end up costing more unless only bought 1 tshirt or top or something but would feel like I was been tight, the presents I have bought have been reduced or brand new from ebay so atleast it looks like ive spent a bit.

Sil also annoyed me abit at weekend its her sons 11th birthday and oh had asked what to get him and she said clothes or xbox games again would cost a bit dont mind paying more for birthdays but then she went on about christmas and that her 9 year old dd isnt into toys anymore so to buy her a onesie or something useful and then went on to say hope nobody buys any cheap stationery sets this year which is ironic because I had my eye on a 1d set I keep seeing wont bother now.

Think its useful parents give ideas but wish people would consider some of us are on budgets. And im the total opposite if someone will ask what they want and I cant think of anything ill say stationary or art stuff at least I know it gets used eventually

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 16/09/2014 22:20

just message back... sorry I have budgetted and already bought their presents...

Coughle · 16/09/2014 22:21

Gosh they're grabby aren't they? Just ignore, the kids will love your pressies and that's what matters.

crazylady321 · 16/09/2014 22:26

Well I could of sworn I had already told my sister was on a budget this year, im not taking it personal. Sure kids will like the presents thought she may of commented back at least to say dont worry or something but instead totally ignored and carried conversation with our cousin.

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 16/09/2014 22:31

Suggest no presents at all?

Anotherchapter · 16/09/2014 22:32

Ignore ignore ignore.

No one body has the right to tell you how to spend your money. Don't even apologise.
They should be thankful you are even buying them a gift.

Last year we gave so much out in cash form that it was ridiculous. Nephews nieces , mil (all from same side of family ) Hmm .,,, it's not gonna happen this year. They will all get a gift. Chosen by me .

Boils my piss this does.

atticusclaw · 16/09/2014 22:36

I think its hard both ways. I like to get bits early so that I know I'm sorted and I will have often bought the presents before the requests come out. In which case I just say "sorry I'm done already!"

On the other hand I hate it when people (are you reading this mum!) spend their hard earned money on stuff that won't get used. I was sorting out DS2s wardrobe this evening and in the bottom are eight (!!) presents from my DP from last Christmas that he hasn't even opened yet because they go completely overboard and buy lots and lots of toys instead of just getting them one or two bigger things that they really want. They're not even rubbish presents its just there are only so many toys a child can have and appreciate.

crazylady321 · 16/09/2014 22:39

Yes no presents at all sounds good on my purse :)

Was going to just do poundland gifts to start with but kept seeing thees bargains couldnt resist.

Im sure deep down they will be appreciated. I must be in minority but I actually dont like people buying clothes as presents they always get sizes wrong or its something I wouldnt personally choose

OP posts:
alemci · 16/09/2014 22:39

I think it is rude and grabby, people should be grateful for what they are given plus it's only September. yanbu and it's the thought that counts.

MrsHathaway · 16/09/2014 22:47

YANBU because for a start it's September Hmm and they sound mercenary.

I used to hate it when DM had obviously shopped too early and bought things I was no longer into byddecember which I realise sounds bad but it made me feel like she didn't know me, and as though buying presents was a chore to be accomplished quickly rather than well.

Children like stuff, not clothes, until they're quite old, at which point the clothe have to be exactly right. I'd never buy clothes for a child older than a toddler, or an adult under about 25!, and even that would be potentially risky.

crazylady321 · 16/09/2014 23:11

Yes thats only problem I know why not really bought my own much yet as I know they go off things so quick, just so hard with so many people to buy for have to grab the bargains whilst can

OP posts:
Bulbasaur · 17/09/2014 04:21

Christmas presents are about the receivers, in this case the children, not helping the parents finance their kids. Unless the kids are teens they are not going to like clothes (and then its a gift card to a clothes store). Give them something they'll actually like. The parents can spend their Christmas money on clothes if it so suits them.

KoalaDownUnder · 17/09/2014 05:35

YANBU, they are being rude.

I hate the dictatorial attitude some people have about Christmas presents. It's a gift; unless someone specifically asks, you get what you're given.

I also think the trend of asking for money is insensitive and crass. It is a lot easier for someone on a budget to give a nice gift than to come up with what looks like an 'acceptable' amount of cash.

schokolade · 17/09/2014 05:46

I don't know why people are Hmm because it's 'only' September. The requests were clearly not even early enough given the OP, like many people, has already started shopping.

I think they're not unreasonable to ask for what the kids want or need, rather than being over rum by endless toys once again. But they certainly could have handled the request better. Can you sit down for a cup of tea with them and explain you already bought this year, but how about some cut backs next?

schokolade · 17/09/2014 05:49

To an extent you get what you're given but can people really not say to their close family what their kids might like?? They're hardly strangers at a stuffy dinner party...

JeanSeberg · 17/09/2014 05:54

Next year make a rule that you only buy for kids' birthdays not Christmas.

Mumto3dc · 17/09/2014 05:55

Oh I'd just ignore and give the kids what you've already got them.

If people actually ask me what dc want then I would say, but I'd keep in mind a budget with my answer. I wouldn't give blanket instructions on presents.

It's nice to get presents you didn't ask for/ weren't expecting!

I also think kids usually hate clothes as presents, I remember my nephew actually crying when we bought him a t-shirt back from holiday (pre kids), altho he was about 4!

Charlie97 · 17/09/2014 06:21

In fairness to OP, who in their right mind would even view a house with a sticky floor or dirty oven? I mean that always looks so dreadful in photos..........


Or maybe you ABVU!

MrsDavidBowie · 17/09/2014 06:31

Just stop buying presents.

KoalaDownUnder · 17/09/2014 06:32

Of course people can tell their close family what their kids are into. But it's polite to wait until you're asked, I think, even with family.

Also, there's a big difference between 'Harry will love anything Peppa Pig' and asking people not to buy toys, only clothes. Toys are the fun things to buy/give; it's the parents' job to shop for boring functional stuff like clothes.

Mutley77 · 17/09/2014 06:38

It is a really hard one. My DD is nearly 10 and I like to give people ideas for her presents otherwise she gets stuff that she doesn't like/use and I totally HATE waste - especially when people have spent hard earned cash! My MIL is dreadful as she just likes to buy what she remembers her daughter enjoying (40 years ago) - and the ages aren't specific - so she spent over a $100 on total rubbish for DD last Christmas (gifts more suitable for a 6 yo than a 9yo).

At 9 I think most girls really are beyond toys and a lot have stationery coming out of their ears (well if DD and her friends are anything to go by...).

it is hard when you're on a budget but how about clubbing together with someone or doing a voucher some kind of experience like an afternoon pampering with nail painting, watching a movie etc (all at home so you could do it on a v low budget). My DD loves one on one time with her grandparents / aunties as it is fairly rare given there are loads of kids already in the family!

Thumbwitch · 17/09/2014 06:40

It's rude, that's what.
I have to buy the gifts that my sister and Dad will give to my sons as we are in Australia and they're in the UK and it saves postage that way - but I ask them how much they want to spend and then buy according to that budget.

Very rude to just assume that everyone can afford multiple expensive clothes for their offspring - in your place I would say "I've already bought them gifts, I don't have the time to exchange and my budget's already blown so it's what I've got or nothing". Or phrased more diplomatically than that if you need to, but with the same message.

Thumbwitch · 17/09/2014 06:41

Charlie - are you perhaps on the wrong thread? Or have I missed something??

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musicalendorphins2 · 17/09/2014 06:42

We ask for suggestions, but do not always get them. Dh refuses to buy clothing unless the child them-self requested a certain item. He says kids enjoy fun presents.

Anotherchapter · 17/09/2014 06:42

mutley it's actually extremely controlling to 'to give ideas' about on what people gift your children - regardless if you don't like it waste.

Charlie97 · 17/09/2014 06:55

Doh I posted on wrong thread Confused

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