to think its their job to notice ?

[ExpectedlyMediocre]

My DS just started full time school , there was an incident on the playground where an older child strangled him and he started crying. He was very withdrawn when I picked him up, and told me at home, he admitted he didn't tell a teacher and I reminded him that he needs to in future. But i was unnerved a high level incident like that wasnt noticed. I rang up school and HT rang back we discussed, when i brought up the lack of supervision considering you cant really sneakily strangle someone, i got the same kind of defensive party lines when something similar happened to my DS and other kids by an older 'troubled soul' i.e then can only be in one place, theres a high level ratio per child/adult all are checked properly and are decent hardworking people, whilst i.am sure she hadn't hired Rose West to man the primary school singlehandedly , that its not really the point..its their job? Its like an inadequate policeman going 'well you cant expect us to solve all crime can you?'

[MrsWinnibago]

I do feel for you and of course your DS...it's not nice.... but these things DO happen and it only takes a split second for something like this to occur with all of the staff looking other ways.

They are human and can't look at EVERY child ALL the time.

HOw old was the child who hurt DS?

[wheresthelight]

if a kid wants to do stuff like this they will make sure it's not seen, it is unfortunate but not entirely the school's fault.

[insancerre]

Yabu
You can't expect them to watch every single child every single
minute

Its just not possible
Unless you want to pay for 1-1 supervision

[ExpectedlyMediocre]

At least 6 ..yea i know that on a logical level but he was quite physically bullued before and i think , when will they notice? It angers me , he must have been terrified.

[MrsWinnibago]

Where was he bullied before? In preschool? 6 is pretty small too....

[cailindana]

Yes, the two adults looking after 90 children must have their eyes on every single one of those children at all times. Because that's possible. Strangely enough when a child wants to strangle another child, they don't tend to do it out in the open in full view of an adult.

Your DS needs to tell a supervisor. Otherwise, to adopt your analogy, it's like expecting the police to know about all crime even if no one reports it.

[outer]

Has your child ever fallen over and bumped himself while you were caring for him? Dashed out into the road whilst your back was turned for a split second? Fallen down the stairs?

Why? You're 1:1 with him! It's your job to make sure things like that don't happen, isn't it?

[MamaPain]

I understand what you're saying but YABU. Things like this happen all over the playground all of the time and you just can't catch them all.

I miss things when I'm looking after 3 children and am in the same room. I bet the ratio isn't 1 adult to 3 children.

And the police actually do say that don't they?

[ExpectedlyMediocre]

I wouldn't expect them to always notice low level like nipping etc but like i said pinning down a child and strangling to the point of tears is no subtle act, on a safeguarding level its not good to say the least.

[cailindana]

Ha! Exactly outer. It always tickles me when parents complain about how hard it is to look after 2-3 children yet they expect teachers to know every little thing about 30 children at all times.

[cailindana]

If your child is in school you have to accept that he won't be watched at all times and that things like this might happen. He needs to report it and if it's ongoing it needs to be dealt with. But as one-off incident, stuff happens and it isn't possible to prevent everything.

[Bathsheba]

I supervise a playground with 3 other staff. There was a bad incident this morning at break involving the child of a friend - however I didn;t see it as I was in the medical room patching up another child who had fallen and was in tears.

Now, fortunately one of the other staff did see it and the situation is dealt with, but in the playground there are corners and areas that no-one can see into all the time, esp if we are a person down.

I'm sorry that has happened to your son and I'm sorry that he is upset, but we do try....

[ExpectedlyMediocre]

They have more than 2 adults calindana about 5, the previous incidents i rang up about was this other older child pushing him out of a treehouse, ripping out hair and pushing his face in the sand and holding it there, all really trivial things (!)

[morethanpotatoprints]

I don't think YANBU to not want your ds to be bullied, YABU to expect things like this to be picked up, they rarely are.
YANBU to expect the playground to be safe and schools should have more staff to monitor playtimes.

[cailindana]

I didn't say they were trivial. I said they happen. The role your DS has to play is to report it. If he doesn't do that then you're relying on an adult always being there at all times to witness all things that might happen to him. Which is totally unrealistic.

[MrsWinnibago]

My DD got poked in the eye age 4 in her first school at lunchtime. This was in a TINY private prep....it only takes a moment and a child with issues....I didn't hold it against anyone and DD wasn't damaged....the teachers were not close by...the child had undiagnosed ASD and that was that. Nobody's fault.

[ExpectedlyMediocre]

I understand Bathsheba im sure most are good, its just...they never seem to notice,.they have a duty of care, my poor boy must have been terrified , just makes me feel sick, that no one noticed.

[cailindana]

They notice plenty, Mediocre, they just don't notice absolutely everything.

[ExpectedlyMediocre]

In my sons case they haven't noticed any of those high level incidents at all , how does a kid fall out of a tree house unnoticed with at least 5 supervisors? The bruise on his leg was black. Its times lime that when you wonder if they set up at the back with a deck chair and tequila sunrise!

[ExpectedlyMediocre]

Just to be clear im not poo poing dinner ladies, my concern is specific to my school

[dimsum123]

You need to drum it into your DS that he MUST tell a teacher IMMEDIATELY if something like this happens. It's v hard to deal with hours/days later.

[MamaPain]

But they're only high level incidents because your son is the victim and it;s post event.

Have you heard how noisy and busy a school playground is at lunch time? Then if you think about how important something can seem to a 4/5/6 year old and that child trying to tell the adult they done xyz last night or seen this or that. They aren't aware a 'high level incident' is happening, it will just sound like another scream, another shout etc which they are trying to notice above all the children haranguing them combined with the general playground noise.

This happens in most schools so I can't even suggest you moving him. Realistically you are best off talking to them about prevention but also talking to your son about why he isn't instantly telling an adult, how is he handling the bullying etc. Maybe ht emanate this bully approaches him he needs to go straight to teacher? It sounds like they've found an easy target in your son and whilst it isn't at all his fault he needs strategies to help himself as much as possible.

[RufusTheReindeer]

Ask the school to get the dinner ladies to keep an eye out for him over the next few lunchtimes

As people are saying you can't keep an eye on him all the time but they should be ok to check on him to see if it's an ongoing issue with this particular child

And he does need to make sure that he tells someone straight away

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

A playground supervisor may have her hands full but there are additional strategies. Are there playground monitors who can keep an eye on your DS? Does your school have a buddy system? I appreciate you said it was an older child that grappled with him, in a buddy system older pupils look out for the younger ones, and play with them in the playground.

A supervisor has ears and eyes and gets to recognise signs of trouble but the typical bully doesn't always announce his or her intentions up front, "I'm going to choke you", they often fake friendliness to disarm the victim, what looks at first glance like friendly shoving and pushing can quickly escalate.