to feel so crappy?

[dancestomyowntune]

I'm sorry, it an in-laws one.

I am currently ten weeks pregnant. In all the Time my Dh s family have known (about 6 weeks) not one of them has said congratulations. It pissed me off but I know they disapprove (baby number five). I just feel whatever you think, you say congratulations to an expectant mother.

Then this week Dd2, 5, has broken her arm. I texted mil to let her know. The response I got? "Thanks for letting me know". No, give her a hug from me. No poor Dd2. I posted a pic of her cast on Facebook. No comment, although I have seen them commenting on birthday cake pics of my nieces.

Which brings onto my next gripe. Nieces birthday, a copy cat of my Dd2s cake two months ago. As was the party (which ,, incidently, my dds were not invited to). Same venue, same party. And it's not a soft play its a very specialised party they wouldn't ever have thought about. And birthdays. Sil has not bought presents on birthdays since having her own children. Fair enough. But I noticed the other day that school friends get presents when they invite niece and nephew to parties. Fair enough. But... I have ALWAYS invited them to my children's parties, and she is the FIRST person to take party favours/goody bags/balloon animals etc. Yet my children don't get a present? Pfft!!!! And I have paid for her kids to come to soft play parties/parties where you pay per head and on one occasion even had to pay for them not to turn up!

When I mentioned to dh how upset this all made me he told me not to let it bother me. Well it does it bother me!!!!!! My oldest was the first grandchild on all sides. When I announced my first pregnancy SIL was darn right rude to me. I'm sure it was jealousy and lo and behold when Dd was born she was all over her like a rash. She came to the hospital and tried to take over, she was forever wanting the baby for the day. In the end to keep the peace we asked her to be godmother. Mil was just as bad and constantly wanting Dd to the point that I was diagnosed with pnd because I couldn't cope with them all. That was eleven years ago. Ever since SIL had her own children they have NOTHING to do with my children. During the summer holidays I asked if mil would have the children for two hours so that dh could accompany me to a scan. She couldn't do it because she was working. This is the ONLY time in over a year I have asked her to look after her grandchildren. A week later she had my niece and nephew for the weekend so that SIL and bil could go to london for the weekend and took the children to work with her! She walks past my front door on a daily basis to see niece and nephew and never ever pops in to see my kids.

This is causing rows between dh and myself because it makes me feel so awful and crappy. He says the kids don't understand but that isn't true. Dd1 is 11 and does know that since her cousins came on the scene her grandparents aren't interested and Dd2 doesn't even realise they are her grandparents. She calls them daddy's mum and dad!!!

My kids don't have a large extended fAmily and the ones they do have aren't interested. Am I being unreasonable to be so upset?

Sorry, that's a bit of a rant!!!

[Bellabutterfly2014]

Hey there, it sounds like you have every right to feel as you do and I am sure if it was me I'd be exactly the same, I think the phrase is DONT LET THE BUGGERS GRIND YOU DOWN!!!!!!

My dp's family are a monumental nightmare, I am dreading telling them, I'm only 3 weeks (according to my state of the art digital clear blue test!) but my partner has a step-daughter, step-grandson, she is pregnant too and also 2 kids of his own (all with the same ex) and I know they will be passing judgement on us. I'm a bit younger than him it's my first baby so I have told him not to tell any of them until I'm ready to drop which, as you might imagine has caused a row earlier today.

I'm going with the opinion it's our choice to have a child not theirs and the same applies to you, I'd love a big family myself and I wish you all the very best and hope they all get off their judgemental backsides, show you some support and be happy for you. Xxx

[dancestomyowntune]

Thank you. I just feel so sad for my children. They don't have a lot of extended fAmily. My mum is always there for them, and her husband, but my dad died six years ago and my brother moved to their other side of the country.

[Bellabutterfly2014]

Stay positive Hun, my family is very small, literally mum and dad and my brother lives and works abroad plus 2 aunties one with a partner and one single and in-appropriately for a pensioner - mingling !!!!

It's about doing the best you can, you sound like a great mum and when they get older they will realise that x

[bebebringingup]

I'm 35 weeks and none of my in laws have said congratulations to me. They haven't even asked after the baby since I've been pregnant. Arseholes.

[Littledidsheknow]

YANBU, your inlaws are horrible. I hope you can make the most of your own parents as GPs for your children (forgive me if that's not an appropriate suggestion), and continue to be the great mum you are.
For what it's worth, my own DM has never said congratulations to me. I have 5 DC!

[RandomMess]

Similar situation here only my parents aren't around either (my choice) so my dc have no-one in the end we've moved away from the in-laws as it just makes it easier to deal with. Their excuse is that you're always closer to your dds than than your ds, including their children

[MrsGoslingWannabe]

I think you need to stop expecting anything from your in-laws. And don't bother updating with family news etc - if they want to know they can ask. They're the ones missing out on a relationship with 5 lovely children. In terms of childcare try to use friends instead although I appreciate its difficult with 5.
I'd be tempted to delete them from your FB too as if they walk past your front door and never call by there's not much point being 'friends' on FB.