Sorry if this upsets anyone, but having recently suffered a fairly close bereavement it's something that I've noticed. The wearing of black, the maudlin music and hyms played at funerals it's slowly disappearing. I often read the obituaries in my local paper and more and more of the notices announce that the funeral will be a "celebration of life" and ask mourners not to wear black. The more traditional funerals tend to be reserved for the elderly, which is rather odd considering you should be celebrating a long life that's been lived.
Recently a young woman nearby died fairly suddenly and her family asked for bright colours only to be worn at the funeral. She was placed in a wicker coffin and during the service her favourite music was played. Afterwards at the wake pink balloons were let off, one for each year of her life. It seemed like such a lovely way to remember her, despite her only having lived a short life.
AIBU to think that by the time I reach old age the old the old Victorian way of mourning and dealing death will have vanished?
AIBU?
To think that were are slowly moving away from the Victorian way of morning and dealing with death?
HangingBasketCase · 14/09/2014 17:56
Admit I'm with you, I don't want anyone celebrating I want full on wailing and mourners (yes mourners not celebraters) throwing themselves at the hearse 
!
I'm keen to be buried rather than cremated, but I think it is dying out, as it were. 
I am very glad that the tradition of the wake is still alive. My wider family, and most of the surrounding families, have always held wakes.
I think it's a great tradition as it's wonderful to be able to chat about the loved one who has died, their life, funny stories, and sad recollections, and most important (to me) to have them at home to say goodbye.
On my own funeral, well I have already discussed this with my son, and he his with me. His original thought was that he would like to have me stuffed and in the house to freak out his friends but now he's old enough to have seen Pyscho, we've agreed that it might not be the best idea in the world it still makes us laugh though
Atm both our thoughts are a wake, a humanist ceremony, a cremation & scattering of ashes but if/when we have a funeral to attend we usually do talk about how we would want to go.
I don't think I would want an upbeat song (on it's own anyway) I think it is important to have something in keeping for traditionalists as well as something in keeping with your own wishes (if they differ).
Wakes and funerals are personal choices but of course as much for the living as the deceased so for me it's right to have something in mind and communicate that while you still can.
Btw I do still like the idea of burial, being in a family plot I think is a lovely tradition, with a collective place to remember family. I just worry about the cost and overcrowding.
We saw some people scattering ashes a few weeks ago. They were laughing/crying, singing and in hysterics when the wind blew the ashes and their dog started chasing them and rolling around in them 
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It worked for them!
Having said all that, I just remembered the days after my grandmother died. Grandma insisted she wanted to be laid out for three days in the house, the old-fashioned way, for a wake, and didn't want to be embalmed. It was a baking hot summer and we kept having to send my stepfather to Majestic Wine Warehouse for more bags of ice to pack the coffin Then when we closed the lid I got the utter giggles while we were screwing it down. So not very Victorian I suppose 
I think it was on here that I read that someone's Dad was planning on paying a glamorous young woman to turn up in full mourning gear with a veil to weep loudly at the back of the church for his funeral
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