This wasn't done on purpose, why can't I be forgiven

[PleaseLetMeKeepTheSportsCar]

Last week I went to visit my friend who was babysitting for her sisters young children - 8 and 10.

We were playing with the children and generally getting hyperactive, chasing them round the house etc and eventually we settled them down a bit.

I was walking around the room and asking the children about the photos on the wall and their dvd collections etc when I picked up one of these from the sideboard and reminisced about how I had one as a child. Without thinking I shook it upside down to a shriek.

My friends mother had a baby, she grew into a 2 year old and sadly passed away. Her face was etched into the pin art, the pin art that I had just removed.

Now none of them are talking to me and I feel devastated.
What I did was terrible but at the same time I didn't realise. Yes I should have checked, it was on a sideboard after all. I don't even know how/if I can make it up to her.

She treasured this for a year :(

[steff13]

Oh my goodness. I feel so sorry for you, and for them. Yes, you should have asked before you picked it up, I suppose, but I think a lot of people would have assumed it was just a toy. It's not really very practical as a keepsake. Anyone could have bumped it or knocked it over accidentally unless it was up on a shelf and obviously on display.

Not to be morbid, but did they put the baby's face on the pin art after she died, or did she just happen to leave the imprint on it?

[Smilesandpiles]

They were kind of asking for that though.

There are better things to etch faces of loved ones on than on a toy that's ment to be played with.

If it wasn't going to be you, someone else would have done the same thing, or one of the kids friends when older.

If it was that precious it should have been kept out of reach.

I'm sorry that they are not talking to you, you made a genuine mistake, they put a precious memory on a stupid thing...yes, they will be hurt, but lets hope they will come to realise soon that maybe it wasn't the best idea in the world.

[crje]

Was it behind glass ??
If not then it was an accident waiting to happen.
Send some flowers and give them time.

[FreudiansSlipper]

maybe in time you will maybe not

I think all you can do is write to them maybe a card saying how sorry you are and your intention was never to cause any harm, you made an awful mistake and you feel terribly sad that you have caused them so much upset

do not go on about how you were not aware of what it meant to them you really need to just get over saying how sorry you are and keep it short

[FreudiansSlipper]

and give them time

[YeGodsAndLittleFishes]

How did the pin art get made in the first place? There must have been a photo or some process that they went through to have it made. Could you offer to have another one made? And perhaps a ceramic fave that can be pressed into the pins to recreate the image if it happens again.

I am a bit surprised they would have had something so precious made so easy to spoil. They could have had the back of the pins sprayed with something transparent that fixes them in place.

[PleaseLetMeKeepTheSportsCar]

Yeah I understand about the thread title, to be honest I made it that way to be worthy of being posted in AIBU (traffic).

No the print was taken before she passed away!

[YeGodsAndLittleFishes]

*face, not fave

[Gremlingirl]

Was it done from a photograph of the child? I assume it must have been. Can't you just offer to have it redone (and perhaps glued so this won't happen again)? Don't beat yourself up. It was an accident.

[Smilesandpiles]

Ask to borrow a photo and offer to get something engraved with her face on.

They can do it where the face is IN a cube - it's brilliant and all done with lasers.

[WooWooOwl]

You should of course be forgiven, and while I can understand the mother being too upset to talk to you for a while, your friend is being an arse if she won't talk to you, seeing as she didn't warn you and saw that you didn't do something upsetting deliberately. It was an accident waiting to happen, and if it wasn't you who moved it, it would have been someone else.

[ILovePud]

Oh that's such a sad story, I feel so sorry for you and for them. It was an accident, you had no way of knowing but I know how much significance inanimate objects can have in the course of a bereavement. As other's have said this only happened last week, write a note saying how sorry you are and then leave them to come round, hopefully they will.

[YeGodsAndLittleFishes]

So the pins were pressed onto the child's face?

I can see how they could be very upset. I hate it when people go around my house commenting on things and picking them up, it feels horrible. Not many people do it. I'm surprised no one said to you not to touch it.

But it's done now, so yes it is too soon for forgiveness, but imo not too soon for them to realise they could have prevented it being lost if they'd fixed the pins in place. The loss of it must dig up feelings of losing her, which is hard enough to deal with.

[YeGodsAndLittleFishes]

Yes, if they have a photo of her, there are art objects you could have made. Have a look at those acrylic blocks with bubble art in them.

[Sazzle41]

I am a bit surprised you pick up and touch ornaments in someone elses house - purely because when it comes to their home and their possessions people can be a)insanely territorial b) v v precious c) have stuff thats like this, and irreplaceable to them. I think you need to offer to get something similar that would help them know you feel terrible, google baby & decased momentoes

[Frontier]

Gosh, I can see how easily that could happen - DS has one of those pin art things and it's very much treated as a toy, that's what I would have assumed it was. I wouldn't pick up the ornaments in someone else's house but if I was helping to entertain their Dc, I would use the toys!

I can see absolutely why they would be so upset and suggesting it was an accident waiting to happen, whilst true, isn't going to help.

If you've already given them a heartfelt apology, I think time is the only thing that can help TBH.

[CSIJanner]

Could you possibly get a photo of the child? And possibly use a company like this which can laser etch into glass from a photo?

[AdoraBell]

Even though I wouldn't take something off someone else's shelves it was an easy mistake to make, but for the parents of the child it's a huge deal. No way is it "just" a piece of pin art.

It's going to take time and probably lot's of it for them to come close to forgiveness. Do as suggested and make/get made professionally another piece of art to give to them but don't ask them to forgive and forget.

Forgiveness will come from them when they feel ready, however long that takes. It is their's to give, not your's to ask for.

[YellowTulips]

I think unless the object had been fixed or stored securely this would have happened at some point in time.

The family won't see this though. They will be very upset and you are the focus of that.

I would be wary if trying to replace the item in any way - anything else will be second best and likely "wrong".

All I think you can do is write an apology and send some flowers to say how sorry you are. Then simply give them some time.

I'm often surprised by some people having precious (sentimental and/or valuable) objects in their home in vulnerable places and being outraged in the event of a genuine accident.

It may not be a popular thing to say, but really the family are partly responsible here. If the item was that precious they should have fixed the image in some way or made it inaccessible.

[PleaseLetMeKeepTheSportsCar]

I wasn't picking up ornaments though, I was picking up what I assumed was a toy :(

..to entertain the children

[LatteLoverLovesLattes]

I feel for them.

They had something precious to them on their sideboard.

Those things are often have something imprinted that people want to 'keep' even if it's only temporarily, I don't get why you would just think you could play with something like that without asking?!


Whilst it's inevitable that something like that isn't going to last forever unless they 'set' it in someway, they have managed to keep it safe so far until someone who wasn't invited into their home, by them, did this.

I'm not surprised they are massively hurt and angry.

[YellowTulips]

I think that's what most posters as saying OP - it wasn't an overtly precious object and there is no way you could have known that.

I don't think it's your fault tbh.