to think this woman was rude to invite my husband round for coffee, even though i was stood next to him.

(288 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

hatethecold Thu 04-Sep-14 09:38:55

I wondered what you would make of this situation.
Yesterday I had an appointment at the hospital and because I knew it wouldn't take long, and it was nice and sunny, I suggested that my husband wait outside.
When I came out, I noticed he was chatting to a woman who I recognised as being a friend of his from years ago.
I went and stood next to them and said hello. They chatted for a few minutes more, husband said 'we have to go now' to which she replied
'It was nice bumping into you, YOU will have to call in for a coffee one day'
This was said to him only and didn't seem to include me

As we were walking away I said jokingly that 'I noticed I wasn't included in the invite!'
He said she probably didn't mean anything by it.

I agree with him, but am quietly seething that a woman would be SO rude and insensitive to a person, as to invited her partner round without inviting her, as well.
(I think it was the fact I was stood right next to him when she did it that really riled)

If the tables were turned, as soon as the wife turned up, I would have included her in the conversation AND in the invite for coffee?

Am I being unreasonable to be as annoyed by this as I am?
Have any of you had anything similar happen to you?

MrsWinnibago Thu 04-Sep-14 09:40:46 you know her? Was she your friend too? I think YABU.

Ticktockblock Thu 04-Sep-14 09:41:59

How dare your husband have a friend that's a woman!!!


Inbl00m Thu 04-Sep-14 09:43:14

Yeah I wouldn't worry about it, sounds like you're reading too much into it and stressing yourself out!

bearleftmonkeyright Thu 04-Sep-14 09:44:03

From what you have written, I think yabu. I don't think she meant anything by it. Sometimes its just a polite way to end the conversation. Don't obsess.

jammyjamjam Thu 04-Sep-14 09:44:13

YANBU Some people are just rude

kinkymouse Thu 04-Sep-14 09:44:27

Yabu and very insecure. An old friend asked your husband for coffee. That is all.

PickledSprout Thu 04-Sep-14 09:44:37

Would you feel the same if the friend had been male?

I think not.


gentlehoney Thu 04-Sep-14 09:45:04

I think your husband is right and that she didn't mean anything by it. She might have meant both of you, but it would be him ringing, not you, because you don't know her.

MorrisZapp Thu 04-Sep-14 09:45:04

Think you're over reacting, sorry.

hatethecold Thu 04-Sep-14 09:45:40

I've no problem with him having friends, but I would have thought it basic good manners (especially if you know he's a married man) to include his wife? Especially when she's stood right next to him! (Maybe I'm old fashioned to think she was rude)

murphys Thu 04-Sep-14 09:45:50

What! Really? OP, it was just a polite thing to say. Yabu and reading way too much into this..

Fudgeface123 Thu 04-Sep-14 09:45:54

How nice of you to suggest he waits outside for you!

How do you know her invite didn't include you? You're just presuming and so what if he goes on his own he not allowed to have female friends?

TheHoneyBadger Thu 04-Sep-14 09:49:35

so if a friend of mine gets married i'm supposed to never ever see them on their own ever again or invite them round for a coffee without their apendage? how bizarre.

MagicMojito Thu 04-Sep-14 09:49:52

I'm a nightmare quite a suspiciouus and jelous wife. This wouldn't have bothered me one bit.
Sorry I think yabu.

TheHoneyBadger Thu 04-Sep-14 09:50:10

surely marriage and conjoined twins are different?

hatethecold Thu 04-Sep-14 09:50:43

Rudgeface , he HATES hospitals, and that was why I suggested he wait outside.

bearleftmonkeyright Thu 04-Sep-14 09:51:04

You know OP, sometimes things can escalate but in this instance I doubt they will ever get in contact. And even if they do.....well why have they not stayed in contact. They probably don't have much in common. Boot on the other foot, would you like it if your husband had had your reaction? This is not a battle worth having. You have not given any evidence that this is anything other than a light hearted, "lets have coffee, bye" kind of end of conversation thing....<cant construct a sentence this morning!>

Heels99 Thu 04-Sep-14 09:51:17


HavanaSlife Thu 04-Sep-14 09:52:02

I think yabu , I cant see a problem

Mmmicecream Thu 04-Sep-14 09:56:24


She was his old friend, not yours. Unless they have "history" or you don't trust your husband you really shouldn't treat old female friends any different than old male ones.

perfumedlife Thu 04-Sep-14 09:56:29

I think she would be rude to not include you in the conversation. If they had been friends, you'd expect her to want to know about his life/wife etc. I don't think rude to not invite you to coffee though. Doing so would be so false. Why would she invite a non friend to pop in?

lickandstick Thu 04-Sep-14 09:58:52

yanbu , my ex h went for coffee mornings at my `friends` house , turned out it was more than coffee on offer .

londonrach Thu 04-Sep-14 10:01:05

Depends how done if done in secret it's a problem if in the open like this it's not. Now imagine you meet a girlfriend and the same conversation happened with you excluding your husband. Yabu but understand your reasons.

Mim78 Thu 04-Sep-14 10:02:41

English "you" is ambiguous as can be singular or plural.

On balance yanbu as I would not issue an invitation to one of two people I was speaking to in front of the other whether a couple or not.

Surprises me how many people do esp mums!

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