To think find your own bloody present!

(30 Posts)
3stripesandout Wed 03-Sep-14 23:00:10

DD9 has been asking for a pandora bracelet for about a year (v unoriginal I know)

I repeatedly said no. Explained it was expensive and not just a bracelet for everyday wear for a nine year old. However her school report was great and she has been so helpful this year and just generally well behaved. I relented and took her out for a special day out to choose a bracelet and one charm. Even the assistant said how lucky she was and how she should look after her jewellery. DD spent ages choosing one special charm and hasn't taken the bracket off since.

I was hoping it could be a special thing for her and she could look forward to choosing a new charm on birthdays/Xmas etc.

Cue Daddy (ex husband) coming home from holiday.....DD has come home with not one, not two, not even three but FOUR new fucking charms for her bracelet. Why does she need FOUR at once? He's just gone into the nearest Pandora shop and bought whatever he thought she might like. Not only that e has bought DD (4) a bracelet too. Yep the FOUR year old.

AIBU here to think he's taken anything that was special about it away?

I was trying to get DD to appreciate a nice grown up piece of jewellery and to look forward to adding new pieces to it. To realise that you save up and treat yourself on special occasions and for it to have some kind of meaning to her.

3stripesandout Wed 03-Sep-14 23:01:31

Hmm I've just read that back to myself and actually it sounds a little precious hmm

3stripesandout Wed 03-Sep-14 23:02:08

I think I'm annoyed he's muscled in on something that was special between us and nothing to do with him.

taxi4ballet Wed 03-Sep-14 23:07:11

YANBU, you were doing everything right, and your dd was learning one of life's great lessons.

He's just gone and trampled over the whole thing and devalued it.

billyokey Wed 03-Sep-14 23:11:34

I totally see where you're coming from, I agree YANBU

taxi4ballet Wed 03-Sep-14 23:18:17

Bit ironic really. Have you read the story of Pandora's box?!!!

Middleagedmotheroftwo Wed 03-Sep-14 23:19:16

Had you explained your bthinkingbto him? Is that DD would get charms on special occasions etc? If not, how was he to know? He probably thought he was doing something nice if you'd only been able to afford one charm.

I wouldn't buy a bracelet for a 4 yo though.

AlpacaYourThings Wed 03-Sep-14 23:23:30

YANBU, I can see exactly where you are coming from.

CromerSutra Wed 03-Sep-14 23:25:56

Yanbu. I understand exactly what you mean. My ex mil used to do this to me all the time. Once, when Dd was younger she was saving up for a DS. She saved for months and months and we praised her for her perseverance etc. Just before she 'do saved up enough money my mil bought her one! She claims she could not understand why this was annoying and innapropriate. There are loads more examples but yes, I get it, it's really, really not on.

CromerSutra Wed 03-Sep-14 23:26:58

And yes, mil knew that Dd had been saving for months.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Wed 03-Sep-14 23:29:51

A Pandora bracelet for a nine year old? Bloody hell. What will she be getting for her next good report, a Mercedes?

OF COURSE Disney Dad has to outshine anything Mummy has got for them. That's his role now. He's an arse but you don't need to be told that. That's why he's the ex

kslatts Wed 03-Sep-14 23:30:11

I think if you had explained to him then YANBU, but if you hadn't then how was he to know.

BehindHerSmile Wed 03-Sep-14 23:30:35

I can see where you're coming from but .... did he know this? From your OP it doesn't sound like he does.

Maybe just explain your reasoning for wanting it to be special and to teach your dd something. Reach a compromise.

3stripesandout Wed 03-Sep-14 23:33:21

Honestly I'm not sure he did know.

To me it seems another incidence of "look at me look at me I loves my kids more than Peter Andre". I did call and bring it up, his reply was "does DD like it? Then that's all that matters!

Gullygirl Wed 03-Sep-14 23:36:25

I understand your frustration on this.I would say YANBU, especially with regard to the four year old, much too young for a Pandora.

SistersOfPercy Wed 03-Sep-14 23:41:32

Bitter,I dont see what is wrong with a Pandora at nine. I must have been around that age when I got a silver charm bracelet and added to it on occasions over the years.

I think it's a lovely gift for a girl that age and she can build her bracelet with special meaningful charms as she gets older.
The four year old however....hmm

gobbynorthernbird Thu 04-Sep-14 00:06:26

I loves my kids more than Peter Andre grin

If he didn't know, is he just being defensive?

HeartShapedBox Thu 04-Sep-14 00:06:36

on one hand, I'm thinking yabu, it's some charms for a bracelet, big deal.

on the other hand (and I'm leaning slightly more towards this opinion) I'm thinking yanbu, it's a special thing between you and dd. why is he trying to muscle in on it?

in regards to the four year old, maybe he just didn't want her to feel left out?

He's just gone into the nearest Pandora shop and bought whatever he thought she might like
I know you're annoyed with him, but isn't that a lovely thing to do for your daughter?

londonrach Thu 04-Sep-14 00:15:51

Sister dd was bought a bracelet on her birthday by her sil. This was after discussion. Every birthday another charm is added. Don't think sister dd has ever worn the bracelet but looks at it. (Now 5). Think it was a lovely idea...

Backtobedlam Thu 04-Sep-14 00:22:00

YANBU-it's like banging your head against a brick wall. Last christmas I spent months planning, buying bits and pieces to make Xmas special but within my budget. Xmas eve DH went and brought 2 brand new iPads for dc's aged 3 and 5! It goes against my upbringing and morals but nothing you can do. Lucky for your dd's they have your influence and balanced view of things.

AlpacaMyBags Thu 04-Sep-14 01:01:38

YANBU, DSD's mother does this all the time. It's got to the point where there's just nothing we can buy her - she has it all already and nothing would surprise or excite her.

LetticeKnollys Thu 04-Sep-14 01:37:44

"On a scale of one to ten, one being 'complete disregard', and ten being 'more than Peter Andre', how much would you say that you love your DC?" grin

Anyway, that sounds really, really frustrating OP. Maybe in future when you're trying to teach values to your DD's over something you will have to spell it out for him in massive capital letters and make it obvious. It might not work but maybe he is just genuinely a bit thick about these kind of things...

deakymom Thu 04-Sep-14 04:28:43

it does tend to devalue the gift however she is old enough really to know when someone is competing surely?

i used to pre warn my dd from age 5 that nanny would try and top my gifts we made it a game telling nanny that i was going to buy her something so she would get it first and i would have bought her something else its a bit sad now i think of it

Thumbwitch Thu 04-Sep-14 06:46:24

I totally understand your feelings.

Different sort of scenario but similar feelings - MIL came over one day with a bike for DS1. It wasn't anywhere near his birthday or Christmas, it was his first bike, and she'd bought him some cheapshit thing from Aldi just because she saw it.

I was so upset - a bike is a Big Present and should be for birthday/Christmas, and I wanted us to choose it ourselves (get him a Toy Story or Monsters Inc one or similar) - but she completely ruined all that. What annoyed me more though, was that 3m previously, he'd been given a balance bike for Christmas, which of course he then refused to try and use because his Aldi bike had stabilisers. DH of course didn't even think, just started to put it together - I got the shits with him, he accused me of sulking until I explained, then he got the shits with his mum and himself for not thinking!
It was a messy situation and everyone ended up being upset (except DS1, he didn't know what was going on, he was only 3!)

She hasn't done anything like it since though so I suppose that's a good thing. sad

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