about how the school handled reception's first day?

[QueenofKelsingra]

DS started reception today. We had a home visit over the summer with his teacher who explained that we would be welcome to bring them in on the first day, find their peg with them, see them settled for a few minutes and then leave.

We then hear nothing from the school - no letter or anything to let us know the timings/requirements for the first day (I've had to phone the office to get the actually school day times as not on the website or anything).

Get to school this morning, walk up to the door and the headmistress is there. DS is 2 steps ahead of me and walks through and then the head stops me and says 'no parents coming in' and sticks her arm across the door and ushers me around away from the door. DS is already a few steps down corridor and then gone.

I am really really pissed off as it meant I didn't get to say goodbye on his first day!! he was already down the hall being ushered by the TA so didn't hear me call to him.

To be clear, I didn't expect him to have an issue, he was very much looking forward to it and so was I. if they had told us in the first place we had to drop at the door I would have said goodbye before we got to the door.

AIBU to be really annoyed (and a bit upset) that because they changed the rules without telling us I didn't get to say goodbye, give a hug and a kiss to DS on his first day?
I don't really think he will have had an issue however we ALWAYS say goodbye before I leave him somewhere and IF he had turned around and seen I had just vanished without saying goodbye he could have been upset and it would have been needless. I feel I should say something about the way this has been handled.

Just to emphasise I have no issue with a 'drop at door' policy, i never planned to do more that find his peg and send him on in with a hug and a kiss, my issue is they changed it and gave me no option to say goodbye to my child.

[Heels99]

Otoh, great that he has the confidence to go straight in. Mine didn't look back either. Hope he has a good day

[Itsjustmeagain]

YANBU I think most schools allow parents time to say goodbye on the first day. My dd is starting tomorrow and when my others started the first day they had groups of children starting different times so that the parents could go in and settle them into the classroom for the first day. The next day it was drop of in cloakroom and by the second week its no parents through the door!

[SanityClause]

Yes, it was wrong of them to give an expectation of one thing happening, and then do another.

Lots of children like to know what's happening in advance, to be mentally prepared for it (adults, too, actually).

[Only1scoop]

We went in found peg....asked a few questions....paid snack money....dd ran of playing barely got a kiss

Hope he enjoys his first day

[ICanSeeTheSun]

Yanbu it does sound like a change for the better but the HM could of allow the parents to say goodbye have a great first day.

[Jennifersrabbit]

No I think that's poor practice. I don't myself like a drop at door policy in the earliest years - my school has open doors up to Y2 and it works fine - but I know other schools, and parents, think different. I think the key is that whatever the school does, you should know about it and be able to prepare your child accordingly. I don't think you're wrong to be pissed off about conflicting messages.

Hope he has a good day anyway!

[Quenelle]

YANBU at DS's school parents are allowed to go in with their children every day of reception year. We were also made welcome if we wished to stay for a while and watch the lesson.

It could be that your teacher was as annoyed as you about the change of procedure. After all, she and the TA would have to deal with the upset children, not the HT.

[QueenofKelsingra]

glad it appears I'm NBU.

I didn't even see the teacher (I'm assuming she was in the actual classroom at the end of the corridor). the TA was in the corridor shepherding the kids.

I don't doubt that for most kids a drop at door policy is better I just feel angry that it wasn't what DS and I were expecting. I'm sure he's fine but I had worked hard to prepare him and if it turns out he was upset I'm going to be even more mad.

should I say something? write a letter?

[Only1scoop]

I probably wouldn't write a letter to be honest.

You could always mention to teacher that it wasn't what he was expecting.

[BolshierAyraStark]

That's really poor, I'd be annoyed too.

Ours has a policy of opening the door at 8.45 so you can spend 10 minutes or so settling them & reading before you leave at 9.

[Lumineer]

I think it's too early to start writing letters. As long as DS is OK, then you should try to move on.

If he wasn't ok, then I'm sympathetic, as I have a sensitive child who likes to be very well prepared. But the school might not be too worried about a child who cries on the first day. It's probably par for the course.

[QueenofKelsingra]

yes but Lumineer it didn't have to be par for the course for my child. fingers crossed he was fine anyway but if he wasn't it was unnecessary and the fault of the school.

[Mim78]

Yanbu but my dd would hardly acknowledge me once through door on her first yr day so your ds may not care.

[Mim78]

Also tas have been known to get rules wrong unilaterally Ime!

[5Foot5]

YANBU. I can still remember DDs first day at school (and yikes she is about to start Uni) and I would have been upset if that had happened and I hadn't got to say goodbye. I think DD would have been OK with it but I wouldn't! I can imagine that, for a lot of children, if they had been prepared before hand for what would happen on the big day and then something unexpected like this happened it would be needlessly upsetting.

Apart from anything else it sounds like the Head was a bit abrupt and rude.

[QueenofKelsingra]

the Head has form (I've actually never liked her right from the first time I met her and have since been proved to be right but that is another thread altogether).

clockwatching now to go and get him and see how he got on.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

It was a mistake by the Head but let it go. I wouldn't raise it at all because there is a risk you will be labelled as "one of those parents" especially if she is "one of those heads". Pick your battles and only raise issues that are really necessary.

[Only1scoop]

Especially on the first day.

[Only1scoop]

I'm also clock watching.... these reception days are so short compared to her nursery....

Don't want to forget to pick her up

[2cats2many]

YANBU. That's poor. Some heads are real megalomaniacs. I wonder if yours just decided on the day to overule the teacher?

[LittleprincessinGOLDrocks]

YANBU. It seems a very odd way of doing things.
At DC school we are able to take them in to the cloakroom every day right up until year 2 ( as it is a shared cloak room for 2 classes and gets crowded). In reception we are able to take the children in, help them with their coats if needed and send them to sit on the carpet ready to start lessons.

It seems a mean start to a new school, not even being allowed to say goodbye.

[QueenofKelsingra]

chaz that's what I'm afraid of. but I still feel very strongly about it. have spoken (on FB) to a few other mums and they are all feeling upset/annoyed too and thought the same as me, so I definitely haven't got the wrong end of the stick.

hopefully the head wont be on the door this afternoon so I can speak to the actual teacher.