about lack of birthday present for DS1 from DBro?

(65 Posts)
ShadowStar Tue 02-Sep-14 12:45:16

DS1 turned 3 recently. There was no birthday card / message etc from DBro on DS1's birthday - not really surprising as DBro's typically rubbish at remembering birthdays that aren't his.

I sent him a message reminding him about the birthday, and DBro responded along the lines of 'sorry, forgot all about it. I'll be up at parents in a few days, want me to leave a card with them?' (Parents live about 20 mins drive from me). Incidentally, turns out this visit to parents was more of a using their house as an overnight hotel visit that they were unaware of until I mentioned it to them on the phone the next day.

So. DBro stopped overnight at parents house, and left a card with them, which parents have now dropped off. Just a card. No present, not even a small token one like a pack of crayons or bag of chocolate buttons. The card's from Tesco, so it's not like he wouldn't have had an opportunity to get a present - big Tesco's stock toys, and even small branches will have things like chocolate. I know I didn't specifically ask him to get a present, but still.

AIBU to think that once DBro was in there buying a card, he should have taken the next logical step and got DS1 a present?

(And before anyone asks if DBro is penniless - judging by things he's posted on FB and conversations with him and other family members, within the last month alone I estimate that he's spent at least £500 on comic books, Lego and tickets for music gigs. So it's not like he can't afford to spend £5 on his nephew's birthday)

momnipotent Tue 02-Sep-14 12:47:40

We don't buy presents for DH's niece and nephews, and DH gave up on sending cards ages ago since he never remembered in time. I don't send cards to anyone in my family.

For some people card and present giving is just not on their radar.

5Foot5 Tue 02-Sep-14 12:49:45

Is your brother still quite young? Before people have children of their own they can often be a disappointment to their peers and family who have become parents. I don't think that is so unusual.

Eauneau Tue 02-Sep-14 12:50:22

Ah, he just sounds like a typical 'crap bloke' when it comes to this sort of stuff.

I know that's a bit sexist but IME blokes are always a bit rubbish about things like kids birthdays, especially if they don't have a wife/girlfriends reminding them about it!

I wouldn't worry about to too much.

ILovePud Tue 02-Sep-14 12:50:35

YANBU, that's mean of him, is he buying the lego and comics for himself? He sounds immature and self centred.

8angle Tue 02-Sep-14 12:50:59

I don't give my nephews and nieces birthday presents, but I do give them Christmas presents. I actually don't know if you are being unreasonable or I am, so will watch what happens here!

littlewhitebag Tue 02-Sep-14 12:51:23

I assume DB is a young single man who has probably given scant thought to a 3 year olds birthday. I think, in general, parents are more obsessed with their child's birthdays than others are.

Maybe once your DS is older your DB will take more of an interest. For now he probably sees him as slightly irrelevant to his life.

He left a card. Just be happy with that?

Aeroflotgirl Tue 02-Sep-14 12:52:49

Yabvu sorry. You said he doesent remember birthdays is tbh I wouldent Exocet much off him!

mymummademelistentoshitmusic Tue 02-Sep-14 12:55:24

Yabu. Your world may revolve around your child. His doesn't.

Floggingmolly Tue 02-Sep-14 12:55:32

I can't believe you called him to chase it up shock. Would you get over it, ffs! Posting an inventory of what he spends his money on hmm. It's his, not yours.

Missunreasonable Tue 02-Sep-14 12:55:33

I have numerous siblings as does my DH and none of them have ever bought a birthday card or present for any of our DC. It doesn't bother me to any great extent, I just make sure that I buy lots of small presents so that the DC have plenty to open from us.

Eauneau Tue 02-Sep-14 12:55:37

YANBU, that's mean of him, is he buying the lego and comics for himself? He sounds immature and self centred.

Huh? Surely a (presumably) young and single man is allowed to spend his own money on whatever he likes without being labelled as 'immature and self centred'!

ILovePud Tue 02-Sep-14 13:00:44

He sounds immature and self centred because of his disregard of his nephew and his sister's feelings also using his parent's house like a hotel not just because of the lego and comics. It may be his own money to spend but I think it's selfish for a grown man to be buying kids toys for himself and not even bothering to get a token present for his little nephew.

SistersOfPercy Tue 02-Sep-14 13:01:08

Ha Ilovepud Immature and selfish for buying Lego and Comics? I'm 41, I buy both. I'm neither immature or selfish and take the opinion that what I spend my hard earned on is entirely my business and what he spends his on is his.

OP, YABU. There is no prerequisite to buy anyone a gift.

grocklebox Tue 02-Sep-14 13:01:14

YABVU. People give presents because they want to. Obviously he doesn't want to. Don't be so bloody grabby.

QueenofallIsee Tue 02-Sep-14 13:03:17

B'days aren't a big deal to everyone. I have a younger brother and I would quite frankly be staggered if he remembered my kids b'days, its not malice, he is 21 and not focused on children..your son turned 3 for gods sake, he wouldn't have a clue who sent what, I can't believe you actually chased him up!!

You sound v hard work indeed

WipsGlitter Tue 02-Sep-14 13:04:53

YABU. This drives me nuts on here. No one is obliged to buy your child a present. If you choose to by their kids presents, that's up to you; they should not feel they must reciprocate.

theQuibbler Tue 02-Sep-14 13:08:29

I think birthdays are big deals to some people and not so much to others. I'd be astounded if my brothers remembered our children's birthdays. They would be equally shocked if I remembered my nephew's birthdays smile

It doesn't sound as though he gives it much thought and went out of his way to get a card.

I would be pleased with that and think it's a touch entitled to expect presents and a fuss.

ShadowStar Tue 02-Sep-14 13:08:33

Should have mentioned that DBro is fast enough to point it out if we've not been quick enough to acknowledge his birthday.

Perhaps why I'm finding this irritating.

Wrcgirl Tue 02-Sep-14 13:09:16

A gift is free, not deserved. Yes I would feel hurt, but to chase them up is rude, like begging

Wrcgirl Tue 02-Sep-14 13:10:14

Cross post, in that case just get dbro a card next birthday smile

however Tue 02-Sep-14 13:13:27

Exactly what theQuibbler said.

ILovePud Tue 02-Sep-14 13:16:15

I'd forget his next birthday, then is he points it out say verbatim what he said to you. I'm surprised at the responses to this thread OP, I think most people would consider it the norm to buy their nephew a gift and I think the suggestions that you have behaved in any way which is grabby or entitled are very unfair.

SaucyJack Tue 02-Sep-14 13:16:46

YABU really.

But do celebrate all of his birthdays in a similar manner from henceforth now you know he thinks birthdays aren't worth making a fuss over.

Quenelle Tue 02-Sep-14 13:17:54

I know that's a bit sexist but IME blokes are always a bit rubbish about things like kids birthdays, especially if they don't have a wife/girlfriends reminding them about it!

Don't hand this excuse to men. My single, childfree brother never misses DS's birthday. My sister, who has four children of her own, has missed it the last two years out of five.

OP, I get pissed off with my sister because I've been remembering her kids' birthdays for the last 27 years, but I don't think she is obliged to send a present, I just want DS to get a card and a happy birthday from her on the day if possible.

To save your kids' feelings in future I would play down any expectation of ever getting anything from your brother so they probably won't even notice. That's what I'll do with my sister.

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