To let my PIL take my boys to Disneyland Florida

(80 Posts)
Angryb1rd Tue 02-Sep-14 09:47:07

PIL have said they want to take my boys who will be 5 & 6 to Florida. Other family members (childless) will also be going.
I don't want them to go!
It is too far away from me, I wouldn't be happy, and I personally think these kinds of memories should be made with parents not grandparents/aunties/uncles/cousins
Aibu?

zipzap Tue 02-Sep-14 10:36:37

I wouldn't want them to go either! For several reasons - agree with you about wanting to have that first time memory with you there, I think they are too young to go all that way on holiday with gp (I wouldn't particularly want to take them that young if I was taking them either, I'd prefer to wait until they were a bit older - say 9 and 10 - before going that far, although I know not everyone agrees with that). I'm also guessing if they are going that far it will be for at least a week, probably 10-14 days, which is a long time for you to be away from your dc and they from you.

Will the GPs still go if your dc don't go? What does your dh think? Do the dc even know that it's an option?

Must admit, if this was me, I'd be putting my foot down, in the nicest possible way of course, and just say sorry but whilst it is a lovely offer, you don't think it's right at the moment for a number of reasons. And maybe offer them a couple of days away in the uk together and the promise of all going to disney together one day in the future.

Do you think it is because the pil want to reclaim their youth or be the big cheeses with your dc for taking them to disney world and pushing you out, or are they genuine?

And remember that just because they have said that they want to take them, you have absolutely no obligation to say yes. if they are pushy they might get a bit stroppy/manipulative/etc but be prepared for that beforehand and just keep saying no. And if your dh doesn't agree with you - that's tricky but I think in cases like this one, your wish for them to stay here (effectively keeping things the same) tops his wish for them to go. It's tricky as you can't have a half way house solution - either they go or they don't. And other sort of solutions (going to disneyland paris and you going too) aren't necessarily going to work for the gp if they want a hoilday in florida or if you can't go and you want to go for their first experience of disney etc etc

Good luck. Just keep firm, whether I agreed with you or not, you don't feel that it's right for them to go so don't let them go!

SaucyJack Tue 02-Sep-14 10:37:40

But with all due respect Emerald, whether you would enjoy the experience or not isn't really the issue tbh. It's whether the child would have a good time.

Bowlersarm Tue 02-Sep-14 10:39:30

YANBU. I'd either go too, or not let them go until they are older.

Angryb1rd Tue 02-Sep-14 10:51:19

We have been "told" we can't afford it! Which, we can't! But it is our decision to make not theirs! They are doing it for purely selfish reasons, so that they are the ones who took them on an amazing holiday. They have a good relationship which unfortunately consists of them spoiling them to death and me biting my tongue! Dh thinks we should take the opportunity to go away ourselves, we haven't been away abroad since our honeymoon. Thanks for the opinions, nice to see other peoples views smile

Fudgeface123 Tue 02-Sep-14 11:26:01

So they don't want you and DH to go, is that what you mean by "we have been "told" we can't afford it"

Anotherchapter Tue 02-Sep-14 11:34:05

YABVVVU.

My GP took me when I was 7 and I loved it. It was brilliant. There are fantastic water parks and theme parks attached to each other, they will have an amazing time.

My parents then took me when I was 14. Then I took my daughter when she was ten.

I do think the whole 'I want them to experience it with me' excuse is really selfish . And what's wrong with GP spoiling them on a fabulous holiday? Let them have this experience while they are young then you take them when you can afford it when they are a little older, it will be just a fantastic for them but on a different angle.

Go on holiday with your DH, enjoy being able to chill out and relax and reconnect with your dh.

It's a no brainer!

Let them go!!!!

P.s I'm normally against GP overstepping boundaries but this is an amazing opportunity for your kids.

2cats2many Tue 02-Sep-14 11:37:53

God, I'd be a nervous wreck if my children went to Disney land without me. I just couldn't trust my parents or in laws to be as vigilant as me when it comes to making sure no one has wandered off with them or that they've been left behind.

SarcyMare Tue 02-Sep-14 11:39:22

Fully agree with another chapter, take the time to have a grown up holiday.

Anotherchapter Tue 02-Sep-14 11:39:56

I can't believe all the posters admitting to not wanting there kids to experience it because they can't - how selfish is that.

And I think it's a bit agest to think the PILS will not cope with two small children. Utter rubbish. I assume they are two mentally capable, fit adults. Have any of you opposing it actually been to florida or Disney land? Even if your not driving, transport is very good and there are little trains all over the parks if little legs get tired.

Anotherchapter Tue 02-Sep-14 11:41:20

2cats did your parents or your PILS let your or your DH wander off and get in danger when you were little?

Anotherchapter Tue 02-Sep-14 11:45:07

It might not go down well on here, but I remember seeing lots of children with these on this

2cats2many Tue 02-Sep-14 11:56:20

That's not the point anotherchapter. The fact is they are all in the it 70s now and live quiet, young-children-free lives. It's 35years + since they've been responsible for young children of their own. It's clear to me when I spend time with them that they just are in a different place now.

One example of this is my dad leaving my ds (two at the time) on his own on the side of a main road because he'd forgetten something and had run back to the house for it.

I just wouldn't be able to relax if they took them to Disneyland without me.

Summerisle1 Tue 02-Sep-14 12:00:47

I'm always rather meh about this monopoly over memories thing but YANBU in being concerned about this trip.

My objections would be on practical grounds. The US is a very long way away if all doesn't go as well as your PIL assume. Disneyland (I imagine given that I've never had any desire to visit any of the Mouse Empire Outlets) is a potentially tiring, if exciting, experience and I'm just wondering what the hurry is here? Give it a couple of years and I'd think the dcs would get a great deal more out of the trip.

Also, before I put my dcs on a plane to the US, I'd want to be comfortable about them being away from home with me and well used to staying with their grandparents. I wouldn't rule out your PIL taking them to Florida when the time is right but I'd be more comfortable knowing that this was for the dcs benefit rather than any sort of bragging rights!

gamerchick Tue 02-Sep-14 12:01:11

I would let them in a heart beat... especially if we couldn't take them at any point.

Book a no kids holiday with the husband I would like a shot.

Anotherchapter Tue 02-Sep-14 12:08:18

One example of this is my dad leaving my ds (two at the time) on his own on the side of a main road because he'd forgetten something and had run back to the house for it. that there is your excuse. And one I would use myself, but op hasn't indicated her pils would be like that.

Being 70 does not mean you can't look after young kids. God my gran was still working then and regularly had her dgc fir the weekend. She is 83 and is more active than me!

Anotherchapter Tue 02-Sep-14 12:09:43

By the way my gran went back to Disney land with my father and his other dgc when she was around 75. She is a game old bird!

PiperRose Tue 02-Sep-14 12:23:11

If you are saying no because of what's best for your children eg. They'll be too unsettled etc then fine.

If you are saying no purely because of how it will make you feel you are being entirely unreasonable and completely selfish to deny them such an opportunity.

Goldmandra Tue 02-Sep-14 12:40:34

You need to separate your feelings about their GPs spoiling them from your feelings about their well being.

If they are well used to being away from you, would have a lovely time and would be well cared for and safe you really should let them go.

If you think they would be homesick and expected to fit round the adults you're right to say no.

Forget the over ridiculous adverts that paint Disneyland as some sort of over emotional rite of passage that creates the best memories of their whole childhood. It's an extended theme park trip. They might have a great time but they aren't going to love their GPs any more because it was them they went with. Childhood memories aren't made better because there is a big commercial build up. They will remember wonderful times with you that cost almost nothing.

Stop focussing on it being Disneyland and make the decision as if they were going to a villa near the beach. Would you feel comfortable allowing them to go? If not that's a good reason to say no to this trip. If you would feel comfortable, YWBVU to say no just because it is Disneyland.

Anotherchapter Tue 02-Sep-14 12:44:05

Yes to gold

Stinkle Tue 02-Sep-14 12:48:09

Forget the over ridiculous adverts that paint Disneyland as some sort of over emotional rite of passage that creates the best memories of their whole childhood.

Totally agree with this!

We did DLP just after Christmas a few years ago. Kept it all a big secret until we were boarding the Eurostar. I was expecting tears and squeals and general delight, I had my phone out ready to record their reactions blush DD1 said - "Oh, OK. Can I have a sausage roll?". DD2 said "but will there be people dressed up?" - meaning Mickey, etc, it turned out she was absolutely terrified of all the characters hmm

It was lovely, we had a fantastic break when we weren't hiding from Mickey Mouse but all the magical memory making stuff is just over egging the pudding

Bulbasaur Tue 02-Sep-14 12:53:55

My first trip to Disney land was when I was 5 with my cousin without my parents. I had a fantastic time.

My next few trips with my parents were still just as amazing. It never felt any less special with my parents because it wasn't my first time with them. There's so many things to do and explore at Orlando, Disney that even if the GP's take them you can still take them later and do new things with them.

If they would have fun, let them go. It's not about how you feel, it's about how your kids will have a great time. Your children aren't a possession that you own.

Also, as Gold said, Disney is an extended theme park. It's not the cornerstone of all childhood memories. Having gone to Disney quite a few times as a child (American), some of my best memories are not from Disney.

Whatdoiknowanyway Tue 02-Sep-14 12:55:06

Not been myself but friends went when their daughter was six and it was all too much for her.They had to hire a buggy to push her around as she got so tired.

There is something that your PIL have likely not thought about; they need your permission as parents to take your children abroad on holiday if you are not travelling with them.

They should also have two further documents. The first should be a direction from his parents giving you permission to travel with their child. This document should have the exact date and destination of travel as well as flight numbers etc. The documents should be signed and notarised. The second is a notarised letter from the parents giving permission for medical care. You may never be asked for these documents but for the little effort it will take to have them better safe than sorry.

Castlemilk Tue 02-Sep-14 13:02:43

Um, if your PIL are telling you - TELLING YOU - that you can't go, then that is the best reason in the world to smile and say 'No, dc aren't going, but thanks for the offer'.

Always, always make it clear to other family members that a. you do not get told what to do as adults and b. as parents of your children, you get the final say. And the first and second and third says.

Best way to family harmony in the long term. smile

olgaga Tue 02-Sep-14 13:21:55

Is your DH really happy for your DC to be without either parent for a fortnight?

I'd ask him why he thinks that's ok

If they won't pay for at least one of you to go I wouldn't agree. Just tell them you plan to do it yourselves one day.

I haven't been to Florida but Disneyland was ok with DD aged 11 - until that age I doubt she could have coped with the queues in that heat!

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