To tell her to clean kitchen table after leaving used sanitary towel on it

[SlightlySquicked]

Flatmate situation. She left her used sanitary protection on the kitchen table wrapped up with a clump of hair pulled out of the shower. Came back in evening and I pointed this out, she said sorry and lifted it. I expected her to clean the table - she didn't.

How should I bring this up?

This comes after last week's forgetting to flush the loo and leaving our front door open. I brought these up and got a 'sorry, I need to remember to check'. I am getting pissed off.

[snappycow]

oh my Lord - that is disgusting. Get another flatmate.

[jackstini]

I would have chucked the cleaning wipes at her there and then!
YANBU
Maybe leave them on said table with a note?

Post it note on door...
Post it note on toilet...
Change flatmate?!

[SlightlySquicked]

Glad it's not just me that is appalled by this!

I can't get another flatmate, and she is a very nice girl but very young for her age. It's like living with a clueless, selfish teen at times.

[Marmiteandjamislush]

She'd be buying me a new effing table. Dirty Caaw!

[angelos02]

That is one of the most rank things I have ever read. Foul.

[scarletforya]

Oh my God, that's gross. There must be something not quite right with her.

[AbbieHoffmansAfro]

With flatmates like this, I think the rule is never to leave things. It is so easy to be made to feel as though you're blowing it up out of all proportion if you raise it after the event. Always try and set out your position there and then. I think actually standing over her while she cleans is a reasonable reaction to something like this. The worry is all the vile stuff she may be doing that you haven't seen.

I wouldn't go off on one but I think you do need to spell things out really clearly (including using words like rank, unhygienic, gross). Is there any sanction you can threaten? If you said you would move out unless she shaped up, would that work?

[Onedropoflove]

Mine uses nearly a full toilet roll every time she has a period to wrap them up in. At least she's hygienic though! That's discussing what she did and you need to tell her nicely or ask her why she doesn't use tampons

[SlightlySquicked]

Yes AbbieHoffmann that's EXACTLY my fear - what is happening unknown to me?!

I have just broached it with her. Started by asking if she was feeling quite ok, and if she had a lot going on, etc. She said no. So I said about the sanpro, and she said she was just being forgetful. I mentioned that she hadn't cleaned the table and could she do this today, that it's really not acceptable. She said yes of course and I left and she thanked me. Urghh I always feel like a fucking teacher getting on a student's case after one of these conversations!! Pisses me off.

Have emailed my other flatmate to clue her in. Think we may have to ask sanpro girl to leave at end of her contract at Christmas. The landlord would side with us if I told him. But I'd feel a bit bad as she is a nice girl overall.

[Johnogroats]

I would be more direct. State it's not acceptable and that the table needs cleaning NOW. Not later.... She will only forget again.

[AbbieHoffmansAfro]

Are you sure she is nice? It seems so unlikely that she wouldn't get that you are repulsed I wonder if this is a deliberate ingenue routine to cover the fact she is congenitally lazy and slovenly.

She does need to know you are repulsed and angry. Ask her how she'd feel if you crimped one off on her duvet. Actually, maybe just do it, and when she complains shrug and say you'd gathered the three of you weren't doing any so bourgeois as cleanliness and what exactly is her problem?

[TheWildRumpyPumpus]

That is foul - why was it ever on the table, not straight in the bin?

To be fair, I once left a wrapped tampon on the side in the bathroom on the day the cleaner came (cringe). The bin is across the room from the toilet so id put it down while getting myself sorted, then forgot to bin it.

As for not flushing the toilet, is she a toddler or a grown woman? I have to remind my 4 year old constantly. Almost guaranteed she doesn't wash her hands either if she didn't flush.

[TSSDNCOP]

No no no. That's all wrong. I thought you were going to say your 11 yo daughter which would have been bad enough, but not a grown woman.

House meeting time. Very clear setting out of rules and expectations.

Meantime hand her the anti bac and tell her to get bloody cracking.

[SlightlySquicked]

I have no idea why she didn't put it in the bathroom bin. This wrecks my head, just WHY???

[OOAOML]

That is rank, but the problem with flatmates who do that kind of thing is finding the language to deal with it, because to pretty much everyone it is just something you don't do. You find yourself like a shrill harpy going 'but why?? why would you do that??' I had a flatmate once who stood in dog shit, rinsed his boots in the bath and then left the bath with shit and grass smeared round it. When I confronted him he said 'yeah, I cleaned some shit off and forgot to rinse the bath afterwards'.

[theonlygothinthevillage]

Get another flatmate (if you can)! Absolutely disgusting. And even if she does clean the table after you badger her about it, do you really want to live with someone with habits like these?

Whilst that's disgusting, I'd be more worried about things like her leaving the front door open. I lived in a house where someone did this and it drove me mad. You would have no insurance claim if you got burgled.

[londonrach]

Why did she not put it in the bin full stop. Why leave it on the table. You need a new flat mate, a new table and lots of cleaning material....yuk!

[SlightlySquicked]

Ooaoml that is so true. That's exactly the problem, it is completely unchartered territory in terms of discussion. Hope you are no longer suffering with bathshit boy!

[SlightlySquicked]

I don't know how to get rid of her before the contract runs out, even if I did want to. We're all on the lease as equals.

[theonlygothinthevillage]

Could you embarrass her in front of other people (or threaten to) by mentioning stuff like this? E.g. invite mutual friends over for dinner and, mid-meal, drop into the conversation that they'll all be glad to hear that you disinfected the table they're eating off after X left her revolting sanitary towel there and didn't bother to clean it. Maybe having her confront the full horror of a group of friends would mortify her into changing her ways

[SlightlySquicked]

The height of embarrassment (for her, not me) should have been reached last week when I asked her about the non-loo flushing, and yes it was a number two.

I blamed her boyfriend as assumed it was him, but I didn't know he was loitering out in the hallway until he piped up that he always flushes. I would never have brought it up if I'd known he was there, it was meant to be a private conversation, so felt bad in case she was mortified. I apologized for him over-hearing, and said I would apologize for blaming him next time I actually see him as opposed to just skulking behind a door. She suggested I don't say anything more to him - fair enough now we all know he's not the culprit.

Now though I'm getting pretty angry.

[londonrach]

I ask the question what else has she done...has she used your toothbrush to clean anything....where else has she put sanitary towels...her hygiene level is questionable...( sorry op )

[SlightlySquicked]

Ha well she won't have used my toothbrush for anything because that lives in my room, but yes, god knows what else she has done. Actually tbf I don't think she's twisted enough for deliberately doing nasty stuff, just bone lazy.

[londonrach]

Sorry op for mentioning that but like you I'd keep anything in my room and carry wipes with me. Does she wash up? What with? I don't think I could live there. My housemates always said they knew when I had an exam as the toilet would be cleaned to an inch of its life... You very brave

[OOAOML]

Thankfully that flatmate was a brief interlude. It is shocking just how rank some people can be. I know everyone has different standards, but some things you just assume are basic decency like not leaving shit in the bath or sanitary towels on a kitchen table.

Good luck!