Am I being a sensitive hormonal wreck or would you be annoyed?(20 Posts)
I have a good friend (who I do love to bits) but has been driving me crazy since she found out I was pregnant. I am only 15 weeks pregnant, and very excited to be looking around at what baby products and gadgets are available. However, my friend has a daughter who is 4 years old, and is one of those people who is an expert and always knows best! Whenever I start talking about something I have seen, such as baby monitors that detect breathing or types of prams and car seats, she jumps in straight away, and even cuts me off before I have finished, and either tells me im wrong, or says not to get it! She did the same when I was planning my wedding, telling me �better ways� of doing things whenever I said what I would like, and it is driving me nuts! Like I said, I am very early stages, and just looking at whats available at the moment, and it exhausting having someone constantly telling you what you think you might get is wrong, and she knows something better. as its my first advice is always greatly appreciated, but sometimes you just want someone to listen rather than telling you all the things you are doing wrong before the baby even arrives?! Do you think I am being over sensitive or would you get annoyed with this?
That would annoy me to, either don't tell her or call her on it and tell her thanks but you don't want to hear it.
YANBU but stop talking to her about it, she's not going to change so cut her out of this part of things.
"Hmmm, that's interesting that that worked for you. I am looking forward to choosing what works for us"
Repeat. Ad infinitum.
I would get frustrated, yes. I bet she thinks she's helping you by giving you the benefit of her wisdom!
Stop talking to her about it and enjoy choosing your own things when the times comes.
(My sil had a baby soon after me and I remember really hating the pram she chose but I wouldn't have dreamed of telling her, she was the one pushing it, not me, and I expect she loved it!)
Smile, nod, do what you were going to do anyway. If you want to survive parenthood, this will need to be your mantra. Family and friends will always have little "pearls of wisdom" and arm chair diagnoses about your child.
My party line was always "I'll keep that in mind" and then did what I was going to do anyway.
Thanks for the advice! it does feel that the world and his mother have an opinion on what you should be doing the minute you annouce your pregnant! i dont want to sound ungrateful, but it drives me mad when they think its perfectly ok to give their advice, even when you havent asked for it!
I agree with ILovedYouYesterday - stop talking to her about it.
Do your research, make your own mind up and just choose what you want.
If she comments when you're relating a firm decision you've made, then just tell her "Thanks for the tip, but I'm happy with what I've chosen." on repeat like jackstini suggested.
Just chatting about things you've seen and are considering may come across as an invitation to offer advice based on her experience and I have to be honest and say I 'd find it difficult to "just listen" without being allowed to contribute to the conversation with opinions. (Which is different to say just listening when someone needs to tell you their feelings or about a problem.) If someone was telling me they had seen X, Y and Z and I thought all of those things were unnecessary, waste of money or really bad ideas, it'd be very hard to pretend I didn't.
MsAnthropic - i agree, of a conversation is a two way process, and course you both want to say your point, although i am finding it increasingly annoying that i cant even finish what i am saying without her cutting me off and telling me what she thinks.
i try not to tend to bring plans up (especially after she told me how to plan my wedding!) i dont want to find myself bringing up certain subjects though...
i am finding it increasingly annoying that i cant even finish what i am saying without her cutting me off and telling me what she thinks
That sounds really annoying and not, like you say, a two way process.
If she's a good friend, you should be able to make a light-hearted joke about it while making your feelings known about it at the same time. "Gosh, friend, with your interrupting it feels like I'm talking to [4 year old DC] and not you some times." laughs "So where was I?"
I am sympathetic though. It does sounds annoying. If she's a good friend in other ways, then I'd overlook it. I have a friend who does similar, but not quite the same, and it does upset me. I'll say "I'm looking for a dress to wear to X" and she'll say "Why don't you get trousers?" - without fail, she'll suggest something totally different, not telling me I was wrong but totally blanking whatever I just said, whether it's furniture, holidays, plans, work, clothes, whatever.
Do stop talking to her about it! For one thing, you need virtually nothing for a newborn, and people's requirements vary so much according to their circumstances, anyway. We lived in Central London up steps when we had our son, and we didn't bother with a car seat for ages, and needed the lightest possible pushchair to lug up and down, so some kind of snazzy travel system would have been pointless, however useful to someone else.
If you want to be juvenile, smile and tell her the advice on car seats/ co-sleeping/ sterilising/whatever has moved on considerably since her daughter was born.
There is nothing more annoying when you want to buy your baby things and there is somebody pecking your head telling you this is unnecessary, that's pointless, do this, don't do that etc etc etc just buy whatever you want to buy and ignore unwanted advice!
You will get advice from every angle henceforth.
Welcome to Motherhood lol.
Just smile and say ok, and ignore or listen.
No point getting upset by probably well meant but unwelcome advice.
Congratulations ......and you really must and CS ....
There was a BF missing after must
It will only get worse...
But YANBU to be annoyed. I agree with others, try to avoid discussing things with her - you must have other friends who've had a baby, with whom you could discuss your prospective purchases more reasonably?
She does sound very annoying but <whispers> she is right - almost every gadget sold to first time mums is a waste of money .
Thanks for all the advice! as much as i want to stick my fingers in ears and go la la la im not listening, i think i will need to smile and nod .
I can see why it's annoying although she is probably right about a lot of things. I would just stop talking to her about it if you don't want to hear her advice.
She is being rude.
But, her opinion isn't necessarily wrong. So much baby stuff proves useless / redundant.
And choosing is great (the only form of shopping I've ever enjoyed) fun. Find a friend who can stay quiet/ join in the fun.
Enjoy it. Show her after :-)
I have a "friend" like that too, who has been there, done that, got the tshirt etc! I'm 16+3 with twins and was feeling tight-of-tummy at work last week, which then set her off on a "when I (underlined, in bold!) had that, my braxton hicks were so painful" etc etc. With her it's never a sore tummy, it always has some complicated medical term.
She's got two kids and tried to tell me that "sometimes I think my two are like having twins" yawn! Whatever. Three years apart? Yeah that's EXACTLY like having twins FFS. But whatever I say, she's been there, it was ten times worse for her etc etc so I can totally sympathise with you. (She was also caught out for inventing midwife appointments for skiving off work!!! Ha ha)
Smile and nod. Smile and nod.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.