AIBU regarding dds 9 year old friend and neighbour(11 Posts)
Right ive posted here before regarding the girl who was obsessively calling for dd and hanging in my garden even when dd wasnt playing out or was out elsewhere. Ive taken advice on board and luckilly things hadnt been as annoying.
Last night dd (8) was playing out, back at school today so wanted her in to get organised and early night etc, She came in at around 6pm and no other children were out apart from this girl and her brothers, 7.30 this girl knocks at my door was trying to settle all the kids and my OH answered it and sent her away and told her she will see dd at school tomorrow, she laughed in his face and said school wasnt starting until weds. He was shut door on her anyway and few mins later I heard shouting outside and it was this girl shouting up at my dds bedroom window I was in middle of reading the younger ones a bedtime story and told her to go away (nicely btw) she did but noticed she was still playing out until after 8pm!
This morning 8.15am tryingt to get 4 kids organised and knock at door, I just knew straight away it was her, ignored first knock but she knocked again, went to the window and told her dd was nt playing out she said its ok but my mum wants to know if schools open today? Closed the window got back to plaiting dds hair and heard the dogs barking ds went to see why they were barking and came back and said the girl and her brother were behind the back gate teasing the dogs!! Again broke off to send them out and she got cheeky with me, I couldnt help it got bit mad with her told her to stay out of my garden and if she carries on wont be playing with dd anymore, I then told her to go home and get ready for school. I looked up at house the mum was in the window and obviously saw what happened. Im bloody furious I feel mean because there is obvious issues with this family.
My next door neighbout has a son same age and in same class at school she suggested its time I spoke to the mum, even though find her unapproachable. So on way home from dropping kids off she passed us dragging hers to school they didnt look like they had had their hair done or anything, I told my friend from next door that should leave it until later as not a good time, so we waited until she was on her way back and had a word with her. Ive basically said to her ive not gor a problem with her dd but Ive asked her number of times to stop calling for dd and distrupting our household and also said I dont want her in my garden without been invited in and explained that the teasing of the dofgs and then getting cheeky with me isnt on, my next door neighbour backed me up and said she was also fed up of her pestering for her son. The mother just starred like she was in a world of her own then walked off and said well were moving soon since noone round here likes us!!!
Feeling bit guilty as think she might have depression or something only ever see her on school runs or when shes sat on door step smoking. Feeling really shaken by it tbh hate confrontation
YANBU at all, this sounds very frustrating!
It isn't your fault those children aren't being cared for very well, it is very sad, but not your problems! You have your own children to look after, without having somebody else's constantly disrupting family life.
Remain firm and stand your ground, and hopefully this girl will start to understand what is and isn't an acceptable time to turn up at your house!
P.s. An anonymous call to social services might be necessary if you feel the children are being neglected...
Worth a phone call to social services in case mother needs some help?
It is frustrating, I know my OH keeps just telling me to ignore her and stop letting it bother me but I am a very anxious person and these little things really wind me up.
I have a feeling they already are under social services or family worker or something because see a lady there alot who looks quite professional sometimes has a second lady with her. Not really one for making anon reports but I have to see the school family worker tomorrow regarding my son so im going to have a chat to her about whats going on at home perhaps should of done it sooner as been going on for a while now, it was just the cheek today that has really got to me.
I had a very awkward walk home from school this afternoon anyway was getting glared at by the womans bf felt like he was going to say something but he never did.
I just feel really bad its pretty obvious why the little girl is calling for people all time, her brothers just kind of play together where as she wonders round looking for people. Also feel bad that her mum feels nobody likes her, They have only lived on the culdesac under a year I would say and I remember when I moved on I felt quite daunted because its a pretty close nit street if it wasnt that next door was quite chatty and friendly with me I dont think id of got to know the others that well. I cant speak for any of the other neighbours but I know ive said hi to her a number of times on way home and barely get a smile back so not sure why she thinks nobody likes her although I know a few neighbours are fed up with her kids but not actually sure if anyones said anything to her
Don't feel bad OP, you are not responsible for your neighbours daughter or how well they fit in! You were nice and inclusive and handled it OK when it got too much - you don't owe them anything at all.
I feel for you, what a difficult situation! I feel a little sorry for these kids but you shouldn't have to bear the brunt of the inappropriate behaviour. One thing I would try to do is see if you can secure your garden so that the girl can't let herself into your garden. If she hurts herself while she's in your garden I would worry about the liability implications for you.
Thank you I know ive thought about securing the garden but not quite sure how. Its awkward because I share front gate with neighbours I mentioned in passing getting a higher gate with better catch but as she pointed out that will be a pain for our own children more hers as she has 4 aged 9-16 so always coming and going and it be bit of a pain for me when I have baby and have the pram to get in and out.
My front garden already has a small fence running down side of path but they can climb over it keep having to pull my own up on climbing on it, thinking of maybe getting a gate to go on end and fit onto house wall will talk to OH see if he might be able to put one up
My back garden is secure thank god got a high side gate to keep the dogs and youngest dcs in, worries me that she was teasing the dogs they are soft with us but you can never be sure can you
Very difficult situation. The girl calling round all the time would be annoying for anybody.
You haven't done anything wrong, the opposite in fact, you have been incredibly tolerant.
You have been forced into this situation that isn't of your own making, you have no reason to feel guilty. You aren't responsible for this woman's life, she is the one causing the problem here, depression or not.
I have seen the school family worker just now about my own situation, and ive mentioned Im concerned the kids are out all the time and doesnt seem to be any interaction from the mum, she didnt seem surprised and just said cant discuss familys with other parents but thanks for letting us know and then asked if any of the other neigbours had any concerns so I told her my next door neighbour was also concerned sounds like she maybe going to have a word with her
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