To not say "never say never"

(15 Posts)
PPaka Mon 01-Sep-14 00:29:04

Ex has put me off relationships for life.
I don't want another one ever.
I'm not interested in dating, a boyfriend, partner, lover.
The thought repulses me
And I wish everyone would stop telling me that I'll change my mind.

I won't
I should never have got married in the first place
I'm not the marrying kind
So I won't say never say never, thanks all the same.

EmeraldLion Mon 01-Sep-14 00:49:44

Why are you telling people?

If that's how you feel, fine. No need to fling your arms up and announce to all and sundry - you'll be bound to get comments if you do.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Mon 01-Sep-14 01:09:11

What Emerald said. Also, if you do keep telling people, it will come across as you actually wanting what you say you do not. People will, not unreasonably, think that you're protesting too much.

Say nothing and nothing will be said. If anybody makes an unsolicited comment, raise an eyebrow and say nothing.

Bogeyface Mon 01-Sep-14 01:13:33

It does seem a bit "the lady doth protest too much"

If you dont want a relationship, dont have one. No biggie.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Mon 01-Sep-14 01:21:12

PPaka... I've seen your threads/posts on 'relationships board' and it sounds as if you got well and truly hurt. What you say in your thread "Ex put me off relationships for life" is incongruous with "I'm not the marrying kind". You obviously were as you did marry and, if your Ex hadn't hurt you, you would still be married.

I think you were so badly hurt that you're unable to move on from what happened, it's still needling you. Have you spoken to someone/is there someone you can talk to in RL?

Lally112 Mon 01-Sep-14 01:22:02

Maybe people are trying to tell you not to be closed minded about it, you may feel differently at another point in your life, the person you are now may not be the person you are in 10 years time.

missingmumxox Mon 01-Sep-14 02:22:34

I totally get what you are saying, my aunt when her husband died was only 33 I was 27, she had been married previously and she said at the time I will never have another relationship, it was real an raw and this continued for over 10 years she did have a boyfriend for 4 years at from age 44, but he's not about now and was never serious.
She has just this year embarked on her "Shirley Valentine time" she is 50 as she calls it, she I think will never remarry or have a real relationship but she is and after she learned to live again after her husbands death enjoying life, as a single lady.
Enjoy x

I always loved being single myself as well as having boyfriends I have been married 15 years but if anything happened ... No I don't think I could be arsed with finding another partner, even though I am happy,

PPaka Mon 01-Sep-14 07:03:38

I'm not protesting too much in real life. It's not like I'm announcing it to everyone I meet!
I've just got friends asking me if I want to do online dating and trying to set me up, etc.

They don't seem to believe me and yes Lally, they think that I will change my mind.

What I have realised is that I can only rely on myself, and I'm better that way. When I say I'm not the marrying kind, I mean because I should not have turned my life over to someone else, I was much happier single, I'm too independent.

Lonecatwithkitten Mon 01-Sep-14 07:25:50

When friends ask about online dating just say 'I'm not ready yet'. They will soon forget.

DoubtfireDear Mon 01-Sep-14 07:37:49

I understand where you're coming from. I'm only 25, have been completely single for about 3 years now, haven't been on a date or near a man at all. I am happy like this, genuinely content and satisfied, my ex was a complete twonk but even before him I always preferred independence.

I get so sick of friends giving me pitying looks and saying "we'll find you a man one day" or "don't worry, i'm sure the right person is just around the corner" or similar. As if you can't just be content without validation that a man desires you.

I'm just blunt with them now, they soon move on to another subject.

Bogeyface Mon 01-Sep-14 09:15:49

In that case tell your friends to mind their own!

RhiWrites Mon 01-Sep-14 19:13:42

It's rude for people to tell you that you will change your mind about your attitude on relations (or children, which people often do.)

Maybe their relationship will go catastrophically wrong or they will be unable to care for their children but you don't say "never say never" about that, you don't say "married, eh, you will change your mind and get divorced" or "children, huh, you'll regret that."

So no, YANBU to expect them to accept your current choices - even if you do one day change your mind.

But if I were your friend I would say, "I respect your strong reasons for feeling that way, but you are such a lovely person that I wish you wouldn't close the door on the possibility of a loving relationship with someone who appreciates you. Because anyone would be lucky to have you."

RhiWrites Mon 01-Sep-14 19:14:01

Sorry, wanted to finish with - maybe this is what they are really trying to say.

GoblinLittleOwl Mon 01-Sep-14 20:10:58

Are these lyrics for a song?

PPaka Tue 02-Sep-14 13:59:14

Thank you Rhiwhites, yes they have said similar, I think they mean well!
Goblin- bit that I know of!

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