To leave a decent paying job as it makes me ill?

[ginorwine]

Have professional job- rewarding but v stressful. Off work with anxiety and was two years ago for same reason. I only work part time but take extra work home with me and think about work . Have had cbt in past which worked for short while. If I leave we will have to move house and not be in position to help our dc in future - weddings , help at uni etc. this is because I can't get another job to pay half of what I earn now and would not be able to fund a car. If I leave I do not want to have a v responsible job , I feel totally burnt out , hence my potential wage would reflect that, I feel guilty that am letting family down and reducing our income significantly as well as having to move house. We have done the maths. Anyone else been in this position?

[AgentZigzag]

YANBU, not in the slightest.

You won't be letting anyone down either.

Jobs shouldn't make you ill, and if they do you should leave if you're able to.

Do you live with a DP/DH? If you do how supportive of you are they?

[ginorwine]

Yes , dh supportive but sad as it means he will have to work beyond retirement age unless we downsize to an area he doesn't want to live in. ..I'm just not sure how to make it that its ok to effect my dh and dc so much!

[ginorwine]

Ps thankyou for comments

[Iconfuseus]

It's not an ideal situation, but it will be a lot worse when you go completely round the bend because you stayed.

I had to do a similar thing due to poor mental health, though without the financial penalty as my job was so poorly paid anyway!

It's difficult to know what to say without knowing what you actually do, but is there some other way you can use your qualifications in a less stressful environment?

[Rinkydinkypink]

Good god just stop! If it's making you ill just don't do it!

The quality of your life far out ways anything else op.

Who knows what will happen in the future but you can't put a price on your mental health or your happiness

[Didiusfalco]

Well, if you end up having a breakdown and being entirely unable to work then that will be far worse for your DH and DC. I made a similar decision to the one you are and even though 7 years later I am still earning far far less than I was I still consider it the right decision. Yes, it brings other problems, but I wonder with some creative thinking if you might not be able to find a solution to your house/area issue?

[ginorwine]

Thanks : if I use my qualifications then I'd be in similar job as it is quite soefic .

[LapsedTwentysomething]

I guess you're a teacher. I'm in exactly the same position.

[ginorwine]

Didi - I'd be intrested to know how you reached the decision - I feel so bad about this!
R inky - I do want to its just the impact on my teens and dh I'm worried about..

[ginorwine]

Lapsed- I'm sorry to hear that x

[MrsWinnibago]

Good grief yanbu. Your DC need you healthy. Not you ill with cash!

[Cherrypi]

I quit. Best decision I ever made. Quality of life is more important than how much money you can give your kids. Is this teaching? It was in my case. It is such a destructive job.

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

I think your teens will benefit from having a mum who is happy and coping. If they have to pay for their own weddings then they'll be no different to a lot of people.

Look at it the other way, if you were happy, well and managing financially in the lesser paid job, how much would it take for you to sell your good health? Almost certainly the current job isn't worth it.

[ginorwine]

Cherry - social worker! Good for u !! Did u find it easy getting another job? There seems so little around? !!

[ginorwine]

Testing - I didn't think of that ! Thanks for another perspective!

[GreenPetal94]

Is it right that it is making you ill, have you really talked to your employer and line manager?

Could it be that a different role in the same profession would be less stressful and only 9-5?

[nicename]

The only thing you cant 'fix' is death (as our family saying go-eth's).

As you get older, you just can't 'do' the stress, long hours, unreasonable demands, office politics... all the stuff that you do in your 20s to prove yourself and get yourself up the greasy pole.

Life is too short. You will end up spending the extra money on a therapist or a carer for your kids when you take to your bed and refuse to come out.

It is really not worth damaging your health and family happiness for a job you just hate. It makes you unhappy and ill. An ill family member makes everyone else worried and unhappy... how can that be a good thing?

Your family need you happy and healthy - not frazzled, tired, angry, upset, worried and constantly fiddling with your I-phone!

Been there, done that... not easy but a hell of a lot easier than being in the job.

Can you retrain or do the same job in another sector (ie I went from City to the 3rd sector doing same-ish work).

[ginorwine]

Testing - we could manage financially in a less well paid job but there wd be a massive change to our dc life no holidays , no driving lessons, no allowance , house move etc. if we had spare bedroom I'd rent a room out but we don't and dc are dd and ds and as teens can't really share!

[ginorwine]

Rainbow - yes my manager knows - I've been offered cbt. They may be able to offer less stressful role as I work for a council but only if there is suitable vacancy. If I say I can't go back and no vacancy by then the door wil be closed for my job if I say I can't do it.....

[packofbaloobas]

We had the same with dh.unfortunately we left it go too far.he had a breakdown and went out sick.he took a much less stressful but also lower paid job.we had to move.we financially have very little.i do worry about educating the dc but by God are we much much happier.life has gone from misery to happy.
don't stay like this.its much more of a benefit to your family to be happy!

[ginorwine]

My teens love this house- as do we- I'm worried about upsetting them they are doing gcse and a levels this comming year ..

[CheeryCherry]

Just do it. Life is too short. I'm trying to persuade my DH to resign, he's so stressed at work. Yes we would be skint but we may be happier. Good luck

[GreenPetal94]

Stay off sick a while so you have time to think it through.

I changed career from teaching. Now I have a better paid job (20 years on) which I find much less stressful than teaching. It was the right decision at the time although others disagreed.

If your kids are teens you don't need a large house for many more years.

[guggenheim]

Another escaped teacher here. I'll back up everything other posters have said regarding your health.

But I'm also going to make the point that if you stay in this job you will never give yourself the time to find out what else you could do. I suspect that you barely get time to breathe,let alone think.

So if you weren't working there you could: Start your own business,become a consultant in specialist area,teach yoga/bungee jumping,completely re train,go back to uni,take up 2 lower paid but low stress jobs and see where it goes.
I can keep going with these lists for as long as it takes you to write that resignation letter...

Speaking of which,just write the letter but don't date it. Carry it around in your bag and if it all goes tits up just whip it out,date it and hand it in.

Really,really,really not worth staying there.