To leave a decent paying job as it makes me ill?

(80 Posts)
ginorwine Sun 31-Aug-14 16:43:52

Have professional job- rewarding but v stressful. Off work with anxiety and was two years ago for same reason. I only work part time but take extra work home with me and think about work . Have had cbt in past which worked for short while. If I leave we will have to move house and not be in position to help our dc in future - weddings , help at uni etc. this is because I can't get another job to pay half of what I earn now and would not be able to fund a car. If I leave I do not want to have a v responsible job , I feel totally burnt out , hence my potential wage would reflect that, I feel guilty that am letting family down and reducing our income significantly as well as having to move house. We have done the maths. Anyone else been in this position?

AgentZigzag Sun 31-Aug-14 16:49:27

YANBU, not in the slightest.

You won't be letting anyone down either.

Jobs shouldn't make you ill, and if they do you should leave if you're able to.

Do you live with a DP/DH? If you do how supportive of you are they?

ginorwine Sun 31-Aug-14 16:52:40

Yes , dh supportive but sad as it means he will have to work beyond retirement age unless we downsize to an area he doesn't want to live in. ..I'm just not sure how to make it that its ok to effect my dh and dc so much!

ginorwine Sun 31-Aug-14 16:53:37

Ps thankyou for comments

Iconfuseus Sun 31-Aug-14 16:54:15

It's not an ideal situation, but it will be a lot worse when you go completely round the bend because you stayed.

I had to do a similar thing due to poor mental health, though without the financial penalty as my job was so poorly paid anyway!

It's difficult to know what to say without knowing what you actually do, but is there some other way you can use your qualifications in a less stressful environment?

Rinkydinkypink Sun 31-Aug-14 16:56:13

Good god just stop! If it's making you ill just don't do it!

The quality of your life far out ways anything else op.

Who knows what will happen in the future but you can't put a price on your mental health or your happiness

Didiusfalco Sun 31-Aug-14 16:58:44

Well, if you end up having a breakdown and being entirely unable to work then that will be far worse for your DH and DC. I made a similar decision to the one you are and even though 7 years later I am still earning far far less than I was I still consider it the right decision. Yes, it brings other problems, but I wonder with some creative thinking if you might not be able to find a solution to your house/area issue?

ginorwine Sun 31-Aug-14 16:59:36

Thanks : if I use my qualifications then I'd be in similar job as it is quite soefic .

LapsedTwentysomething Sun 31-Aug-14 16:59:54

I guess you're a teacher. I'm in exactly the same position.

DragonfliesDrawFlame Sun 31-Aug-14 17:01:17

If you currently work only part-time, can't you look into getting a less stressful but full-time job, where the drop in income might not be so drastic?

ginorwine Sun 31-Aug-14 17:04:10

Didi - I'd be intrested to know how you reached the decision - I feel so bad about this!
R inky - I do want to its just the impact on my teens and dh I'm worried about..

ginorwine Sun 31-Aug-14 17:06:06

Lapsed- I'm sorry to hear that x

MrsWinnibago Sun 31-Aug-14 17:06:40

Good grief yanbu. Your DC need you healthy. Not you ill with cash!

Cherrypi Sun 31-Aug-14 17:06:42

I quit. Best decision I ever made. Quality of life is more important than how much money you can give your kids. Is this teaching? It was in my case. It is such a destructive job.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sun 31-Aug-14 17:09:16

I think your teens will benefit from having a mum who is happy and coping. If they have to pay for their own weddings then they'll be no different to a lot of people.

Look at it the other way, if you were happy, well and managing financially in the lesser paid job, how much would it take for you to sell your good health? Almost certainly the current job isn't worth it.

ginorwine Sun 31-Aug-14 17:09:46

Cherry - social worker! Good for u !! Did u find it easy getting another job? There seems so little around? !!

ginorwine Sun 31-Aug-14 17:11:12

Testing - I didn't think of that ! Thanks for another perspective!

RainbowSpiral Sun 31-Aug-14 17:12:28

Is it right that it is making you ill, have you really talked to your employer and line manager?

Could it be that a different role in the same profession would be less stressful and only 9-5?

nicename Sun 31-Aug-14 17:13:38

The only thing you cant 'fix' is death (as our family saying go-eth's).

As you get older, you just can't 'do' the stress, long hours, unreasonable demands, office politics... all the stuff that you do in your 20s to prove yourself and get yourself up the greasy pole.

Life is too short. You will end up spending the extra money on a therapist or a carer for your kids when you take to your bed and refuse to come out.

It is really not worth damaging your health and family happiness for a job you just hate. It makes you unhappy and ill. An ill family member makes everyone else worried and unhappy... how can that be a good thing?

Your family need you happy and healthy - not frazzled, tired, angry, upset, worried and constantly fiddling with your I-phone!

Been there, done that... not easy but a hell of a lot easier than being in the job.

Can you retrain or do the same job in another sector (ie I went from City to the 3rd sector doing same-ish work).

ginorwine Sun 31-Aug-14 17:14:01

Testing - we could manage financially in a less well paid job but there wd be a massive change to our dc life no holidays , no driving lessons, no allowance , house move etc. if we had spare bedroom I'd rent a room out but we don't and dc are dd and ds and as teens can't really share!

ginorwine Sun 31-Aug-14 17:18:29

Rainbow - yes my manager knows - I've been offered cbt. They may be able to offer less stressful role as I work for a council but only if there is suitable vacancy. If I say I can't go back and no vacancy by then the door wil be closed for my job if I say I can't do it.....

packofbaloobas Sun 31-Aug-14 17:20:59

We had the same with dh.unfortunately we left it go too far.he had a breakdown and went out sick.he took a much less stressful but also lower paid job.we had to move.we financially have very little.i do worry about educating the dc but by God are we much much happier.life has gone from misery to happy.
don't stay like this.its much more of a benefit to your family to be happy!

ginorwine Sun 31-Aug-14 17:22:15

My teens love this house- as do we- I'm worried about upsetting them they are doing gcse and a levels this comming year ..

CheeryCherry Sun 31-Aug-14 17:23:05

Just do it. Life is too short. I'm trying to persuade my DH to resign, he's so stressed at work. Yes we would be skint but we may be happier. Good luck flowers

RainbowSpiral Sun 31-Aug-14 17:25:01

Stay off sick a while so you have time to think it through.

I changed career from teaching. Now I have a better paid job (20 years on) which I find much less stressful than teaching. It was the right decision at the time although others disagreed.

If your kids are teens you don't need a large house for many more years.

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