AIBU in NOT in not replying to this text?

[birthdayballoon]

Flaky friend said she'd take me & DH out for a thankyou meal as she needed our help with something that took 7 hours in our home. It took a lot longer than we thought & I ended up feeding her. We allowed her to use the computer to scan, email etc all for a job interview & DH took a day off work for her. I literally had been let home from a 16 week stint in hospital due to a poorly IVF pregnancy.

She turned up with a new dog (without asking) knowing my pooch is currently undergoing "therapy" for nervousness. This made the situation worse. I suspect she didn't ask if it was OK to bring him because she feared I would have said "No, I can't handle that at the mo."

We agreed that the meal would be last night. As she is so computer illiterate, I booked a table online that meant we could actually pick her up en-route to which she texted. "Very much looking forward to it x"

However, upon talking to others during the day, I got some dreadful feedback about the place (Zizzi) & was advised to cancel & go elsewhere (Ask). I booked another restaurant that would have meant a 20 min drive for her & a 20 min drive for me as it wasn't in her neck of the woods. I DID try booking a table at places closer to her but nowhere had availability. Deliberately kept it at the "cheaper" end as it was to celebrate her pay packet.

I said she could either come to us & we'll go on together, that she could get a taxi or we could see her there if she drives. Her response was...

"Oh, I won't go then, as I wasn't intending to drive anywhere this weekend. The neighbour keeps pinching my parking space & I'm leaving it here to prove a point".

It's not HER space....she is lodging with her Mum at the mo as she's been kicked out by her on/off boyfriend. Tis a communal car park with no allocation.

No sorry for not booking or looking elsewhere herself, no acknowledgement that it was a thankyou from her that now wasn't, no talk of re-scheduling.

This text was received by me 24 hours ago & I haven't replied. I cancelled the second table last night.

Just feeling flat & I don't know if I should reply or not. Don't really want to get into a fight but part of me wants to raise these issues. Is there an alternative I didn't think of that maybe made ME become the issue? Is there an alternative I could have come up with?

AIBU in just not answering the message or do I need to acknowledge it politely in some way?

[movingtoourwillow]

Nah YANBU, I wouldn't bother answering either - she sounds like a pain in the arse!

[JanineStHubbins]

Flaky friend said she'd take me & DH out for a thank you meal

VERY rude for you to change the arrangements, in that case.

YABU.

[MammaTJ]

Does nobody actually TALK to each other these days?


I am hardly old fashioned, I use my lap top, facebook and text a lot but when it comes to a tricky conversation then you can't beat either face to face or, at a push, picking up the phone!

[treadheavily]

I would leave it - and the friendship. What a pain. She is a self absorbed nightmare.

[QOD]

I'd ignore and not help again

She's clearly expecting an easy ride there, even if she were to actually pay, she'd just be being taxid about.

I actually wouldn't have booked anywhere myself, I am a turn up and give it a go kinda person. I think it all sounds very complicated and I guess you changed it all at the last minute? Maybe she wanted a drinky too?

I get so pee'd off with hard work friends

[Roseformeplease]

Ignore her. She is not a friend, she is a freeloading PIA.

Book a table somewhere nice and go out, just you and DH and never speak to her again! Really. What do YOU get from the friendship?

Also, an invitation should involve her booking the table and driving you around so you can relax and be looked after.

[gamerchick]

I have had mates like that... ditching them made life so much better.

I would ignore and say no to everything in future.. amazing how fast they spit their dummys and stop contact.

[rainbowinmyroom]

Why did you change the booking? Zizzi is fine!

[birthdayballoon]

I changed the booking that I had originally made (because she hadn't made one) on the basis that I had spoken to various friends & families (I was working during the day (hence no verbal comms, Mamma) & have a strong network of locals) & it had turned out that individually they had ALL been offered free meals as a gesture of goodwill due to their experiences being negative, over the last 2 years.

I did eat there last Summer & just assumed that my bad experience was a one-off but when I heard this yesterday I made the decision to book somewhere else that would have been a better experience, I didn't want it to be tarnished with negativity.

Funnily enough, I didn't hear from her for 2 years after she once said that I was to never contact her again, but she did get in touch & I forgave her.

[birthdayballoon]

Oh, I should make it clear that she only told me on Friday that she could make the Sat eve....hence the last min bookings.

[marriednotdead]

I really wouldn't bother, chances are you'll end up putting yourself out and she'll either be late, forget her purse or you'll end up doing her yet another unappreciated favour.
Cut your losses and move on.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I think that, as the invitation was hers, you should have left her to book it. You don't need a computer to book a restaurant. I think by taking over she divested herself of any responsibility or interest in doing this for you/your husband.

If when the invitation was formalised, you should have accepted with grace and been her guests. If, as more likely, the invitation would never have materialised, you would have half-expected that anyway and taken it in your strike.

I would drop this friend; just no more contact. I would though send a text saying, "Thanks but we'll leave it now".

I like Zizzi's myself, the French green beans with pasta is incredible at the Chiswick one.

[fuckingpamela]

YANBU

She wants to get out of paying you back and hopes that you won't say anything.
It happened to me some time ago. I had a friend's children for her whilst she worked and she said she would take me out for dinner to say thanks. I ordered food the same or cheaper than her and when the bill came she said to the waiter "just split 50/50".
I was taken aback, of course I didn't say anything but was so pissed off. I was already skint and I had to pay as well.

Just keep your distance now. It will happen again otherwise.

[birthdayballoon]

Lying In one message from her on Friday, she specifically told me to book somewhere that DH & I wanted & that it should be for Sat eve. I booked the initial one at her request as she mentioned Italian. She didn't say it had to be close to her or that she needed taxi-ing.

I deliberately kept it to a "cheaper" one as I mentioned before as I was conscious it was to celebrate her first pay packet. I will try a different branch of Zizzi & request the green beans with pasta.

[TalcumPowder]

The pattern of this relationship is her being in need and you helping her, to the extent that YOU ended up booking a meal that was supposed to be a thank-you from her to you for a significant piece of help, and on the assumption that you would drive her to the restaurant.

Honestly, I can't decide who's most at fault here - obviously she's thoughtless, self-absorbed and ungracious, but are you exacerbating the situation by allowing her to be helpless? Re-read your posts - apart from the original help, you arranged, booked and rebooked her thank-you meal, were providing transport, and went around collecting impressions of the venue from other people - no wonder she seems to have forgotten the meal is supposed to be her 'gift' to you! She's made no effort or investment in it whatsoever!

And no one needs to be 'computer-literate' to book a table in a restaurant. I would let her figure things out for herself in future.

[rainbowinmyroom]

Don't bother replying or with the friendship. She is a PITA.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Definitely give that a try, birthdayballoon, it's the only thing I eat when I go there, its absolutely delicious.

I really would 'write off' this friend though and all of her pseudo-invitations.

[birthdayballoon]

Well, it hit me like a bolt of lightning at 3 am.

If she wanted to keep her car there all weekend, she wouldn't have suggested us all going out on the Sat eve.

Also, she's the type of person who would have told me if she'd have needed a lift somewhere & why, she especially would have aired a grievance with the neighbours to me as that's what she does.

So I won't be contacting her. Game over & strangely I feel indifferent.

Thankyou all for your thoughts.