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AIBU?

Tell the truth, are you happier with a routine?

47 replies

Bustermqc · 31/08/2014 07:41

Now I'm not talking toddlers, older babies because obviously that is different.

I drove myself mental trying to sort out a routine for my last DS. A friend of mine had her children just fall into the routine she set from about three weeks old. But other than that She is the only person I know that it has made her life better.

It made my life highly stressful and I have a friend who doesn't leave the house between like 10 and 3 or something mental due to the routine she has in place for her two.

All the happiest mums I know (with the best sleeping babies as well) are the hippier ones who go with the flow and balk at the idea of any kind of routine. They feed on demand have no bedtime, don't worry about their baby falling asleep in their
Arms or in their bed rather than on own etc. disclaimer: these are also
People with older children who sleep fine, are perfectly normal have a normal routine etc.

So tell me. Is anyone actually successful in sorting out a routine for a younger baby and are you happier for it?

OP posts:
SpottyTeacakes · 31/08/2014 07:44

With dc 1 I had a routine etc everything had to be done at the right time. With dc2 I went with the flow etc.

Much less stressful and happier with the situation with dc2.

Bustermqc · 31/08/2014 07:47

Yes exactly! Am thinking this with my latest newborn. I am in less of a hurry to get back to work and think it will just be easier for everyone if I am more relaxed this
Time around. Especially for my other DC. Can't bear the thought of having to ignore them and tell them
Off because they are doing something that affects my 'routine'.

OP posts:
MrsWolowitz · 31/08/2014 07:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

combust22 · 31/08/2014 07:47

Not me I'm afraid. No routine for my babies. Slept in my arms, breastfed on demand, meant I could vary my day, go out when I please, meet friends etc.

Delphiniumsblue · 31/08/2014 07:48

Some things need a routine and some things don't. Flexibility is the key.

SmallBee · 31/08/2014 07:49

Yep! DD has been a routine since 15 weeks (now 11 months) & we are both doing really well as a result. She gets fed enough during the day not to need to wake overnight & gets the right amount of naps so she is very happy, she was always miserable before as I hadn't yet worked out what her tired cues were.
I'm much happier because I'm not a relaxed go with the flow kind of person, I like to know what I'm doing. This way I can have people over when I know she'll be awake or plan an activity she'll enjoy because she isn't too tired.
I think I would have gone insane if I'd had to play the last 11 months by ear!

tomatoplantproject · 31/08/2014 07:49

We didn't have a routine when dd was tiny - went completely with the flow. However patterns started emerging and we kind of fell into a routine. At 6 months we instigated bedtime at 7.30.

We've never been a slave to the routine but she is much happier (and much much much easier) if she has enough food and sleep which is why I keep things regular now she is older (22 months).

Snapespotions · 31/08/2014 07:50

I was given a copy of GF when dd was born, and I couldn't believe that some people would choose to parent in such a rigid way. I never bothered with a routine, just went with the flow, and it suited us very well. We were relaxed and able to respond to dd's needs, able to be spontaneous.

She is now extremely flexible as an older child (9), copes well with travel, jet lag etc. I often wonder if she might have struggled more had she had a strict routine from the start. My BIL had a strict routine as a child, and really struggles even now with any changes to his mealtimes etc! Shock

tomatoplantproject · 31/08/2014 07:50

And meant to say dd has always been good at sleeping and v sunny by nature so what we did clearly worked for her.

tumbletumble · 31/08/2014 07:52

I had what I would call a flexible routine for my 3 DC. By which I mean I had a strict routine inside my head, but I didn't worry if we didn't stick to it for whatever reason - it just helped me to remember what we 'should' be doing. Personally I find it much less stressful than a true 'go with the flow' approach.

Bustermqc · 31/08/2014 07:52

Yes agree of course that older babies do need a routine. I am hoping though that I can go with the flow in these early days and then fall into a routine that she indicates
For herself IYSWIM rather than panicking that I am creating a rod
For my own back by not starting up with a routine at two weeks
Old.

OP posts:
PinkAndBlueBedtimeBears · 31/08/2014 07:53

Dd 20mo has had a pretty 'strict' routine from 3 months, would have bottles at the same time, nap time etc and tbh it made my life so much easier! I know when she will nap now (dead on 11.30 she will go to her bedroom and stand by her cot until I put her in!) and it means I know when il have time to get stuff done! Breakfast at 8, dinner at 5.30, bedtime 7.30.... She's a bit of a nightmare if we break the routine for whatever reason, but I think this then depends on the sort of family you are. We rarely have a situation where it would be handy for her to be able to stay up later, so I'm not going to have 'flexible bedtimes' when it would only make my life easier 5% of the time! Depends on your family, there is no right answer!!

VeryLittleGravitasIndeed · 31/08/2014 07:53

In my adult life I'm incapable of sticking to a routine, so unsurprisingly I was equally incapable of imposing routine when DD was a newborn. I just did what she wanted, when she needed it (fed, slept, nappy etc). It was very straightforward and not stressful. A routine would have stressed me out.

As long as I wore loose tops that I could put over her when I was breastfeeding (which she then slept under when out and about) it had no impact on what I chose to do (other than needing to choose baby suitable things in the first place obvs). And I set the bed up for cosleeping so when she inevitably didn't want to sleep in her Moses basket it was ok.

Frontier · 31/08/2014 07:54

I floundered about taking far too much notice of everyone else's advice when my Dc were babies, we had routines of sort but not very early.

Now, as an adult with and 11yo and 13 yo I know we are all much happier when there is a basic routine going on. Over the holidays there hasn't been which was great for the first couple of weeks but it will be a relief to get back to it.

But yes, agree there needs to be flexibility. I've never understood parents who won't leave the house at nap time but OTOH I couldn't let one of my Dc (or me) miss a meal. I take something with me if we're likely to be out over a meal time, even now.

VashtaNerada · 31/08/2014 07:54

Oh yes, I love a routine! I've learnt with DC2 that a bit of flexibility is good for days out etc but generally speaking, a routine keeps us all sane. Particularly the bedtime routine which works a treat and means we always have evenings to ourselves.

Eva50 · 31/08/2014 07:55

I had a fairly strict routine with ds1 and ds2. I had to go back to work on nightshift when they were each 14 weeks old and had no childcare so if I didn't stick to the routine I didn't get any sleep at all. With ds3 paid maternity leave was longer, I went back to work on days and used a childminder. He also had to fit around the other two (11 and 9 when he was born). He was the one that took longest to sleep through but that may have been coincidence.

Fairylea · 31/08/2014 07:55

I have had routines for my two - I'm not strict on feeding or anything like that, just fed on demand etc but I've got into the pattern of naps in the cot, in the dark, at home at certain times. And I love it. I'm not one for going out much anyway and not very social so I enjoy knowing I can have a 2 hour or so break to myself at certain times of the day. Neither of my dc would sleep in a buggy so I just make sure I am back in time for the naps.

One dc is now 11 and one is 2 and 2 months. The littlest one still has a 2 hour nap during the day and sleeps 7-7 as did the older one. Maybe I've just been lucky but I love having a routine.

teacher54321 · 31/08/2014 07:55

Ds is now 2 1/2 and has had quite a strict routine since he was about 3 months. I couldn't cope with random, I needed to know when he was going to do things so that I could plan things. Now he's older things are more flexible, but he still has a nap after lunch and a bedtime routine.

MrsBungle · 31/08/2014 07:56

I agree with those saying flexibility is key. I was out practically all day from when both of mind were a couple of days old. I had a bedtime routine from very early on though (around 8-9 weeks) which I mostly stuck to. For us it worked and both slept through from 10 weeks and 13 weeks.

Figster · 31/08/2014 07:56

Only routine we've really had was 7.30 bedtime we reacted to his cues and got on with it routine seems to add stress with trying to comply with it it's bloody stressful enough Grin

whatsagoodusername · 31/08/2014 07:56

I tried to work out DS1's natural nap routine so I could accommodate it (as in, be in the pram already or staying home, not trying to get out of the house), but otherwise we went with the flow.

I do find now they are a bit older that we are struggling a bit without the school routine. We are all happier if we get out of the house but without school which we have to get to, we often end up staying in all day.

dashoflime · 31/08/2014 07:59

I remember telling someone "even though the baby doesnt want a routine- I do!"
This was to explain why I put on pajamas and brushed my teeth at 10pm despite the fact that day and night had lost all meaning for both of us. Im not sure this counts though!
Ds came to me allready Gina Forded from SCBU. No exaggeration- it was literally a condition of his release that he was on a 4 hourly feed/nappy/sleep schedule. It took us exactly 2 days together to completely fuck up the system, although I was lucky that hes always been a good sleeper.
Nowadays (2yrs) he has a decent bedtime routine which does help him settle. Ive never really got the hang of naps though- they tend to be a "sleep when/where you drop" kind of thing.
People with routines: can i ask what you do at nap time? Is there some kind of soothing ritual that happens first or do ypu just put them down?

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JustAShopGirl · 31/08/2014 08:02

We didn't have a routine with our young babies, or older babies either... just went with the flow all the way - my girls are 12 and 13 and we still do.

(well our "routine" consists of you must shower and eat breakfast and also brush your teeth twice a day, goes for the adults too)

Only1scoop · 31/08/2014 08:02

Dd kind of fell into a routine of naps etc at about 3 months although bath and bed started almost from birth....it worked perfectly for us all. She has always been a super sleeper.

However naps were always in her basket ....cot etc occasionally in the car and we had used to work around them. It didn't bother us a small price to pay for a short time and to have a baby which sleeps through.

TheOriginalWinkly · 31/08/2014 08:02

DD is 8 weeks old and I can't imagine how we would even begin setting up a routine. She sleeps when she's tired, fed when hungry, and otherwise does what I'm doing whether in a carrier or the pram. I do put her in clean nappy, fresh babygro and grobag at (very) roughly the same time at night, and I take her out for fresh air every day no matter the weather, as I'm convinced it improves her night sleep. She's happy, i'm happy.

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