About Christmas (I know it's early)(17 Posts)
Me and sister had discussed her, partner and niece and nephew coming to us for Xmas as they don't want to go to either my mums or his mums for various reasons. Their kids and our kids are only kids in both mine and DHs family's so thought would be nice for cousins to play together do all the Santa stuff etc. due to their work commitments and 2 hour drive to here, they would be coming lunchtime Xmas eve and going home Boxing Day afternoon.
DH has now turned round and said he doesn't want them to come
His reasons are my 3 year old nephew always gets all the toys out, breaks things (I say we will keep playroom closed and there won't be a whole lot of time were we aren't doing stuff/watching film etc for him to get anything out on Xmas eve as Xmas day he will have his own presents to play with)
He doesn't want to be hanging around on Boxing Day waiting for them to leave (we don't do anything on Boxing Day except watch TV and eat chocolate)
My sister is hard work, let's nephew run around unsupervised, takes ages to get ready to go anywhere (all valid points but since she has got together with partner and had niece she has been better. We won't be going anywhere so no need to wait around for her to be ready.)
It's not fair for boys to have to sleep in daughters room for two nights over Xmas (they love sleeping in together, they always do it when DHs mum or sister come and stay)
We might go stay with his mum at Xmas (we havnt been invited, she doesn't always have room for us and in the past it's involved renting a holiday flat - which we can't afford - and it's never Christmassy enough for me!! I get on really well with her it's just I love making Xmas extra special for the kids and doing everything my way - control freak alert!. Plus she's just got a new dog and I hate dogs. )
I suggested that we invite his mum here and his sister might not be able to get home for Xmas and so she could stay too (she lives in big city 20 min from us but would need to stay over) plus his stepmom may e here on her own as FIL will be in Thailand as usual so I would like to hae her over (she lives local so wouldn't need to stay) but he was aghast at the idea that the kids sleep in out room on air mattress as his mum and sister sleep in dds room as why should he share his room (conviently forgetting that when ds1 was a baby his mum MOVED OUT at Xmas so we could have her room as she had a housefull so stayed with her partner as they weren't living together then)
So who is being unreasonable?? I really cat see the wood for the trees
He said he would rather go to my sisters for Xmas than have them here but we would have to sleep in the lounge as nephew and nieces rooms are tiny and only just about squeeze the 5 kids in them. It's fine on a normal visit but Xmas when present need to be put out and kids are up early for stockings etc it will be awkward. Plus she only has a small round dining table as we have 2 we can put together.
Your christmas sounds fab to me. A house full, all bedding down wherever. A busy day with buzzing children and adults to all pitch in. I would love it. I don't have a big family so it's always a quiet one for me.
I don't really see why you want them to stay over to be honest. I'd find it all uncomfortable and annoying if your nephew is not properly supervised. Why don't you just have it as a family day? You don't sound that bothered either!
does he actually want a quiet christmas? refusing to have someone over "in case" his mom invites you seems a little odd x
We had a quiet Xmas the last two years and he's off till after new year so it was 10 days of just us so it's not that. Christmas to me is lots of people, lots of food and wine and chat etc. when it's just us it seems wierd going so overboard.
Plus I feel bad for my sister as we have issues with my mum ( I am not in contact and a couple of years ago she told my sister when she had just split up with nephews dad so was all on her own not to go there for Xmas (which she had done every year of her life, and to see if I would have her for Xmas) which of course we did but she decided to have laser eye surgery when she was here which was a palava and nephew bought a sick bug with him!
Hmm, tricky one. An unsupervised child running around the place for 2 days over Christmas, not ideal.
Are you sure that her being better at supervising will mean that she will be good enough?
Because at Christmas time kids can go really hyper, with all the toys etc around.
My DC have a rule that on the first day they get a toy, they have first right to play with it and don't have to share it. Obviously they can't play with ALL their toys at the same time, but the first time a toy is played with it should be THEM that plays with it.
How will your DNephew cope with that? Or would your DC have to tolerate their Christmas presents being played with roughly and perhaps even broken before they even get a chance to play with it?
But.... having said all that, your DH is being a bit of a selfish prat.
Most of his 'objections' he's fine with when it comes to his family, just not for yours. So quite frankly they don't count, at all.
He's also ok about imposing on OTHERS even more than they would be on you.
Your DSis would need to know that she has to up her game. Getting ready doesn't just mean getting ready to go out, but getting ready to participate in the days. So no going off to have a shower when lunch needs to be prepared. No taking ages getting dressed when your DS is running riot. No expecting you and your DH to monitor her children constantly.
I think, however, think having EVERYONE around to stay would not be a great idea. Way too much opportunity for conflict in a small space, especially with your DH being a grumpy arse. (Although would having his mother there make him behave better?)
Did you discuss it with your DH before you discussed it with your sister?
The way you explain it sounds like you had it all arranged with your sister before even discussing it with your dh which would get my back up in his position. You and your dh need to discuss and agree what you want for your family at Christmas before even thinking of adding others to the mix.
I guess I was unreasonable to start planning with my sister without discussing it fully with DH.but in my defence from past experience DH doesn't think about anything until the day it happens which is normally too late and normally when asked about things he 'doesn't care, doesn't mind etc
I think he is being a bit unreasonable tbh. You have already invited your sister and it sounds like a wonderful Christmas to me. I find a threat of a phone call to Santa's elves works wonders for little children misbehaving at that time of year
I think it sounds great. Agree that ideally you should have discussed with DH before DSis but well, conversations are organic aren't they?
The reasons he's given sound daft, but they all add up to "I don't want this to happen". While you would be unreasonable to force it, I also think if you do most of the organisation for Christmas that does give your more say.
I think I'd go down the route of "ok, I know you don't think it's ideal but I really would like to donut thus way this year. Next year you get to choose".
(My answer is in no way related to the Great Holiday Booking Saga that is currently taking place in this house...)
What's the Great Holiday Booing Saga? Will it make me feel better about my current predicament?!
I have found the perfect holiday for next year. Husband basically doesn't fancy it. Researching/booking is my responsibility. I've suggested to him that if he can find a holiday within budget for the two weeks we have available, which addresses his concerns, I will book it. He can't. We have stand off.
Actually I have some sympathy with your DH.
It sounds like he wants some space to relax over Christmas and not have to run around after his nephew who is being badly supervised. Perhaps he doesn't like his space being invaded and does want a quiet Christmas. Your idea of Christmas sounds very stressful to me, and perhaps it does to your DH too. Perhaps he is also narked that you have made plans without speaking to him first, I know I would be very pissed off if DH made plans with his DSis without including me.
If you flipped this thread around and it was a woman complaining about plans her DH had made with his sister or brother to invade her space over Christmas without consultation, we would all be jumping up and down saying how unreasonable the husband was being.
That sounds really tough. I think you and your DP might need to chat it out again together, maybe write up a list of pros and cons. And if you really can't agree then do it your way one year, his way the next.
Hmm... Is your DSis the MNetter who wrote the AIBU about how she takes ages to get ready?
Havnt read that thread, may have too and look out for clues!
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