Believe it or not i am not a bridezilla

(114 Posts)
KayakJo Tue 26-Aug-14 22:38:04

I'm going to get flamed for this...

Ok, getting married in Dec. My poor mate is organising my hen do for end Nov. Only wanted a dinner/drinks in the interest of keeping cost down for people but she twisted my arm and its for one night, and within 40 miles of everyone. She heard back from everyone (ive organised these things before and its a ball ache so im really grateful to her). She had trouble getting hold of one person who eventually came back two weeks later to say she wont be coming because she doesnt know anyone. This is someone i have bent over backwards for in the past with no intention of receiveing anything in return. I am really surprised at how irritated i am by this. I would rather she had made up a better excuse. Aib totally u?

WorraLiberty Tue 26-Aug-14 22:40:30

At least she's being honest

Can't you tell her to bring a friend along?

MajesticWhine Tue 26-Aug-14 22:42:03

So, she's shy perhaps and doesn't mix with people that easily. Wouldn't you prefer her not to come and have a miserable time? We need a bridezilla emoticon grin

One person isn't coming?

Yes I think you're being unreasonable to let that bother you. Not everyone enjoys hen nights, if someone really doesn't fancy it then just let that go. Is she coming to the wedding? Surely that's more meaningful.

KayakJo Tue 26-Aug-14 22:43:26

Thanks for the reply. Believe me i am not a brat and i have been a cery good friend to this person. This will sound awful but i dont really want people there who i dont know. She is bringing a friend i incidentilly haven't met to the wedding at a cost of us inviting others. I didnt want her to have to come alone if she wanted to be there (she lives 10 mins from reception). I am just a bit embarrassed by her response.

KayakJo Tue 26-Aug-14 22:45:20

Thanks for other responses. You're totally right, I know that. Shes far from shy. She just cant be bothered.

MrsWinnibago Tue 26-Aug-14 22:47:24

You know you don't HAVE to have a Hen Night?

Lj8893 Tue 26-Aug-14 22:47:40

I really don't understand what your issue is? Its just a hen party, i would feel uncomfortable going to a hen party if i only knew the bride tbh. (and im a extroverted and chatty as they come) shes going to the wedding, that's all that matters surely!

hormonalandneedingcheese Tue 26-Aug-14 22:52:56

It's very disappointing when friends can't make things, more so when you'd do it for them or go above and beyond and they could, but won't.

Is this the only time she's not bothered with something or is this the last in a long string of let downs where you bend over backwards for her but she never does for you? If she's a constant let down, why do you bother?

If she's not, then obviously she's just not comfortable.

KayakJo Tue 26-Aug-14 22:53:12

I appreciate that. There have been times where i have been to a few in identical circumstances but i do it because i want to do something for my friend which isnt all about me. Ive always thought of it as one night that i cant go back and change. I know i dont have to have one but surely its not that unusual to want to have one.

BackforGood Tue 26-Aug-14 22:53:41

I don't understand why you are so cross either.
If it were a quiet meal around a table and I didn't know anyone, then I'd go, but it sounds like it's a bit more than this... not sure what you mean by it being "a night" - in which case, I wouldn't want to go with a load of people I don't know either. Like others, I'm not shy and feel I can chat to most people, but hen nights aren't always the easiest place to go and chat and make friends, are they ?
You've got lots of people going - let those who want ot, go and have that night. Lots of people don't enjoy hen nights.

KayakJo Tue 26-Aug-14 22:54:56

Thanks for reply. Its more a case of her never needing to go all out or be there iyswim. Ive never even had a birthday party, organised a bday meal etc. i hate attention in that respect.

Silvercatowner Tue 26-Aug-14 22:55:38

Unusual to have one where the guests are pressured/blackmailed to come though.... or perhaps it isn't these days. Are you sure you aren't a bridezilla?

KayakJo Tue 26-Aug-14 22:56:23

Thanks Backfirgood. Tbf my friend said early on that she would pair her with me in rooms. Id never have keft her out on a limb so to speak.

KayakJo Tue 26-Aug-14 22:57:30

Silver - my mate only messages her very gently to ask as she needed to book. Surely not U. How else are you supposed to arrange these things.

KayakJo Tue 26-Aug-14 22:57:53

Messaged, not messages

Silvercatowner Tue 26-Aug-14 23:12:19

She was asked, she said 'no'. She doesn't want to go. I guess you could always kidnap her.... You are not being unreasonable to be pissed off, but that's it.

RedToothBrush Tue 26-Aug-14 23:12:37

NO is an acceptable answer. YABU if you don't like it.

WorraLiberty Tue 26-Aug-14 23:14:47

I genuinely don't see why you won't compromise and tell her to bring a friend.

You probably won't even notice there's someone there that you don't know, and even if you do, well she might be a nice person and a good laugh.

I don't blame her for not wanting to go on an overnight hen do where she doesn't know anyone except the bride to be.

KayakJo Tue 26-Aug-14 23:22:25

As if i would suggest that! Her response was blunt and didnt hint at her asking if she wanted to do that. I would say that would be emotional blackmail. Disnt expect anyone to agree a d i appreciate the opinions but i will struggle to do anything for her in future.

plantsitter Tue 26-Aug-14 23:23:45

Better she doesn't come than spend the evening with a face like a slapped camel because she daren't talk to anyone. Result all round, I say.

Silvercatowner Tue 26-Aug-14 23:27:27

So don't do anything for her in the future. Honestly, this is the most non-event AIBU I have ever read.

Writerwannabe83 Tue 26-Aug-14 23:31:40

YABU.

I can't imagine why you think she'd want to go on a night out when she doesn't know anyone?? I certainly wouldn't do it no matter how well I knew the bride. The wedding is what matters and she's going to that so I don't see why she's enemy number 1?

Weddings are stressful times though so you aren't BU to feel annoyed or irritated but you are BU to be so negative about your friend and her perfectly normal decision not to go.

OwlinaTree Tue 26-Aug-14 23:32:08

I know what you mean, I was upset when a friend didn't make it to mine after id made the effort to go to hers. It was in the town we lived in too! So YANBU to be upset.

WorraLiberty Tue 26-Aug-14 23:41:42

Struggling to do anything for her in the future because she doesn't want to go alone to an overnight hen do, is what makes you very very unreasonable.

And I hate to say it, but it also makes you come across as a bit of a bridezilla.

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