To ask you all for your favourite bad joke?

(174 Posts)
differentkindofpenguin Tue 26-Aug-14 02:52:08

I'm sorry for terrible misuse of AIBU but I'm in work, I'm annoyed, I'm stressed and I have a million things on my mind. I need cheering up!

Here's mine

What's green and brown and if falls out of a tree it can kill you?


A snooker table grin

WaffleWiffle Tue 26-Aug-14 02:57:50

What's brown and sticky? A stick

UpUpAndAway123 Tue 26-Aug-14 03:23:39

Why did the baker have brown hands?

Because he kneaded (needed) a poo!!

(works better in RL grin )

PedantMarina Tue 26-Aug-14 03:25:06

DP and I have a whole series of them.

You know what most people don't realise?

Their life's ambitions.

PedantMarina Tue 26-Aug-14 03:25:51

You know what I just can't get over?

A 12 ft wall.

PedantMarina Tue 26-Aug-14 03:26:23

You know what I just don't get?

Cable television.

weebleknievel Tue 26-Aug-14 03:26:37

Have you heard about the new 007 Viagra?

It makes you Roger Moore!

PedantMarina Tue 26-Aug-14 03:27:12

You know what I just can't see?

Polar bear in a blizzard.

differentkindofpenguin Tue 26-Aug-14 03:29:48

PedantMarina, can you please come and live with me? grin

PedantMarina Tue 26-Aug-14 03:35:27

I dunno, penguin , do you snore? DP does...

notnowImreading Tue 26-Aug-14 03:37:15

Jesus was facing an angry mob who were about to stone the woman taken in adultery. He said to them, 'let the person who is without sin cast the first stone.' A stone flew out of the crowd, at which Jesus said, 'Oh for God's sake Mum...'

differentkindofpenguin Tue 26-Aug-14 03:39:00

Only when very pregnant, but I'm not doing that anymore!

DP snores like a hippo though.

PedantMarina Tue 26-Aug-14 03:39:04

I might have to leave DP anyway. He's getting a bit above himself.

DP: "I reckon I'm some sort of sun god..."

Me: "That's very Ra of you."

differentkindofpenguin Tue 26-Aug-14 03:42:33

DH thinks being a dad gives him a divine right to dad jokes. Terrible, awful, painful dad jokes

PedantMarina Tue 26-Aug-14 03:46:02

I think that's why DP was so keen to be a Dad, as well.

BeachyKeen Tue 26-Aug-14 03:51:27

Did you hear the one about the blackberry jam?
I'd tell you, but you'd spread it around!

BeachyKeen Tue 26-Aug-14 03:53:47

What is the difference between a snow men and snow women?
Snow balls!

BeachyKeen Tue 26-Aug-14 03:54:43

What's better than roses on a piano?
Tulips on an organ!

daisychain01 Tue 26-Aug-14 03:56:41

Why are pirates called pirates?

Because they arrrrrrrrrrrrr!

daisychain01 Tue 26-Aug-14 03:57:16

Farting in a lift is wrong on so many levels

daisychain01 Tue 26-Aug-14 03:58:04

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot

daisychain01 Tue 26-Aug-14 03:58:52

You need to be alert.

Britain needs more lerts.

PedantMarina Tue 26-Aug-14 04:13:31

I just came home from a once-in-a-lifetime trip.

I tell ya, I'm never doing that again...

KoalaDownUnder Tue 26-Aug-14 04:14:54

What did the zero say to the eight?

'Nice belt!'

PedantMarina Tue 26-Aug-14 04:15:09

OK, daisychain you've done it now!

What's a pirate's favourite designer label?

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