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To ask for my inheritance back?

(130 Posts)
WhatToDoNow123 Sun 24-Aug-14 23:08:36

NC, am regular user but don't want this to be linked with previous threads as it'll out me!
Will try and keep this brief but feel free to ask questions to clarify as it's confusing and complicated!
My dad died when I was a child (under 10), leaving me, mum and sister. At the time he had a well-paid job with good pension etc and DM didn't work. His death resulted in a lump sum being paid which paid off the balance of our house plus an annuity for life for my mum which was/is the equivalent of a good salary (think well over 4 figures net per month) and also a smaller annuity for me and DS while we were in full-time education (including uni).
To cut a long story short my mum spent all that money and more. We moved into a bigger house and didn't have to pay a mortgage as the lump sum plus equity from the last one covered that. So life improved that way. But we got no money to help us through uni (I had to self-fund and ended up taking over 10 years to complete a degree due to lack of funds) and DS didn't even try to go as she couldn't afford it. We are now both married with DC and although we are ok financially, we are both saving up to move to a bigger house.
However, mum's house has tripled in value. Unfortunately in order to have an extravagant lifestyle, she has borrowed so much against the house so now despite the rise in value there is very little equity in it. She has now decided to move out of the house into a rented place in a different area and is also making plans about buying things like a sports car with what's left after the sale of the house, so there will be nothing left. My DS and I have spoken to DM over the years about her money problems and she would not admit to anything being an issue and maintained that although the house was an expensive commitment to maintain, she was doing it to pay the mortgage off and then split the money 3 ways when it was eventually sold so that DS and I could finally get our inheritance.
I don't know what to do - do I just let the sale go through and she wastes the last of our dad's money or do I say something and come across as greedy whilst she's struggling? Or something else completely? Please help!

Timetoask Tue 26-Aug-14 09:04:10

I am enraged on your behalf OP. What a selfish woman your mother is.
I cannot believe there are people like this out there. I am sorry you had such a tough time.
I have no words of wisdom but just wanted to send you lost of luck in pursuing what is yours. I hope you and your Dsis can work together in this.

PausingFlatly Tue 26-Aug-14 09:12:01

I hate to spell this out, and hope it isn't true but...

It is important to get the will, because as cerealmom says, it may mention the annuities.

But also, because there may be other bequests in the will.

Until you see it, you simply don't know what else your mother may have stolen.

Sorry.sad

Castlemilk Tue 26-Aug-14 09:16:32

I also think that your best bet would possibly be action against the financial/pension company, on the grounds that there were no safeguards in place to prevent your mother doing exactly this - basically, they gave YOUR money straight to someone else, while you were a minor, and had NO system of checks to make sure that it wasn't stolen by them.

Lots of good advice above on how to start off getting all the information you would need.

However, one thing I would add is - you also need to sit down and work through exactly what you feel you would be prepared to do about this with regard to your mother. Others are saying - take her to the cleaners, do whatever it takes to get your money back, etc. Now I agree completely - she is scum and has basically stolen a large part of you and your sister's futures, and the futures of your families. I would be cutting contact without a second thought. But if you KNOW that that isn't what you want or could cope with, at some point you are going to hit a wall - in your actions either against your mother or against the company. She is going to come to you whining and crying that she is going to be ruined/end up with nothing/all she did was try and take care of you/thought she acted for the best etc.- when you either a. try and put a charge on the house or b. get her into trouble with the pension company/police.

Here is my advice if you feel you will fall at this hurdle.

You need to think carefully here about the future. Your mother is a dead weight around the necks of her family, a ruiner, a loose cannon. If you let her get away with this, financially, you know what will happen? She will liquidate what money she has, run through it, and then expect to be bailed out by you for the rest of her life. She will bleed you dry, ruin your own home life and possibly marriage, and it still will never be enough.

So you need to tell yourself that by taking this action, you are doing what little you can here to prevent that. If you can secure money from her or the pension company, not only can you perhaps undo this injustice to you, your dad, sis and any future children, but you can at least STOP your mother from pulling you ALL down any further. If you can end up with control of what little money she has left, you can - without telling her - mentally put some of it aside to make her an allowance in her old age, or to fund care for her. If you don't, she will waste and waste and will STILL end up destitute - the only difference will be that you won't have that nest egg there to possibly help her.

Maybe that line of thought will make a difference to you when you need to be strong - because you will need to be. She will pressure you every way she can, I am sure, because she sounds thoroughly evil. I sincerely hope you will put her out of your lives once you have justice on this.

msrisotto Tue 26-Aug-14 09:29:04

Oh op I'm so saddened to read of your situation. I can't believe she did it and am disgusted that she did.

Have you confronted her or tried to talk to her about it before? What does she say?

heraldgerald Tue 26-Aug-14 09:29:13

I'm really shocked at your mothers behavior op. It sounds like you went through a lot of unnecessary hardship andI feel for you.

Frankly, what a bitch.

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