DN is stepmother to one child and mother to 3, the youngest with her DH.
They and his ex have a cordial relationship and all parties are flexible about access. Her DSD (aged 9) is with her and her DH about 40% of the time on average.
DH's job involves him being on call one Sunday in four. He isn't usually called in but has to go if called. Ex has been happy for DN to look after DSD, even when DH isn't there. Usually this happens before and after school as well and it's worked fine until now.
Last weekend DSD did something dangerous that could have hurt her baby sister. DN explained why it was dangerous and that it mustn't happen again. Within an hour DSD did exactly the same thing again and admitted it was deliberate because her sister "was being annoying". DN again explained that she could have hurt her sister badly and put her on "time out". DSD sulked when she was "released" from time out after 10 minutes and was still grumpy when she went home.
After DSD had gone home Ex phoned and was very angry. She has said that DN is not allowed to discipline DSD at all, only DH. After talking to DH DN told Ex that, if that was the case then next time DH was called into work she would take DSD home to her or not have her at all on weekends when DH is on call. Plus she would no longer look after DSD before and after school, unless DH was also there because it was her home and her rules. And all DCs in the house had to keep the rules. And she wouldn't make an exception of DSD.
Ex wasn't at all happy and said she didn't mind DN looking after DSD (it suits her more than it suits DN) just that she wasn't to discipline her. DN finished the conversation by saying that in future she would not undertake any childcare unless DH was also there.
Ex says this is unreasonable because she'll have to pay a child minder. DN and her DH say that's tough, it's her choice.
I think DN is right but I'm biased.
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Is DNiece being unreasonable or is her DH's Ex?
67 replies
Sunna · 24/08/2014 10:19
OP posts:
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