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AIBU To think that having kids actually isn't that stressful/tiring?(201 Posts)
There may well be a back lash to this.
We have one DD (6 y/o) - and I can honestly say I have never really felt stressed/tired since she was born.
Me and my wife do the same level of caring, neither of us does anymore or less than the other and we split domestic stuff pretty evenly.
Maybe we have been lucky, but then again I don't think we have. When DW became pregnant neither of use worked and we had no where to live, so not not a stressful situation - over those 6 years we have worked hard and have a pretty good life etc.
Maybe it's has just been different for us compared to most - just that probably 80-90% of friends or people I speak to who have children (be it 1 or more) comment about how stressful it is and tiring.
I'm naturally quite a calm and laid back person so maybe that helps somewhat, my DW is different she can get very stressed over thing (not over DD though) and she has said she has never really felt stressed of tired from DD (apart from maybe the first 1-2 months from when she was born).
Does anyone else not find having kids stressful - or does anyone think I'm crazy to think it's not.
I had one. I only had one because I found parenting so exhausting and stressful. DD and by extension I, survived on minimal sleep. She had health and feeding issues, was incredibly bright and easily bored, easily frustrated and very demanding.
As others have said, if you are lucky enough to have a healthy child who has an 'easy' demeanor, then it probably isn't too knackering. If you aren't, then it obviously isn't. Mine went from being a tricky child to a manipulative, tantrumy teenager who pushed the boundaries constantly. As an adult, even she looks back and says how nightmarish she was.
The thought of having to go through all this stress and total knackeration again, was just too much for me to want to have another child.
So if you are still reading this, even though you haven't enough bottle to argue your case, then yes, YABU.
I wonder if this is down to the life you had before you had children? The OP said neither of them were working and were homeless. If you had a difficult life before having children, then you will view the stress and tiredness differently to those who had a relatively easy life before children.
Oh and btw, its also a worry if they don't explore boundaries. .......
Well...I had one. It was so easy and so stressfree that I thought "more kids, thats what I need..."
I look back at the worry my easy going, laidback eldest gave me with minimum effort on his part and Op, you have no idea. Come back and share how its going when your child decides to explore boundaries. Please.
What's your secret OP? Can't be the laid back thing as both DH and I are both fairly relaxed individuals. However, 2 DC in quick succession; one who sleeps but won't eat and the other who eats but won't sleep; one who's regularly hospitalised with asthma, the other heading for a hip spica; the daily 4 hour screaming session courtesy of the colic DC2 suffered with; a bottle/cup/syringe refusing DD, which wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to return to work; both of us working rotating shifts so we're rarely in the house as a family and, yeah, I'd say I have found parenting stressful. And we've got it easy compared to our siblings and cousins who are facing all the challenges that premature birth, ASD and SEN bring. Here's hoping she won't upset your apple cart and turn into a teenage terror!
I have a 6yo DC1 and a 3yo DC2.
The rare days I spend with just my DC1 are easy-peasy and the long, long sleepless nights from years ago and hard days full of nappy-changing and potty-training and buggy-lugging and child-entertaining are all forgotten. I get to pack her off to school five days a week and that's free! So if it were just her, I would say YANBU, OP.
But throw another, younger DC into the mix, all of the things above plus childcare bills to pay and childcare logistics, and it's a whole different ball game...so, YABU. And I bet your OH would say different too!
My children are wonderful. They can also cause me stress at times. We have just been through a year of battles with our LA about continuing provision for ou Dd Who has SLD. DS2 was put in an horrible position at school by friends who posted a picture of him on a social networking site as a joke. DS2 is working abroad but has epilepsy and when he has a seizure, there's bugger all I can do to help.
So congrats on the fact that working hard has made child rearing so easy for you, but please appreciate that sometimes it's not that feckin simple.
You goady git.
Ds1 easy peasy ,not stressful at all is well behaved,well mannered an absolute pleasure .ds2 has ASD ,learning difficulties and a rare chromosome disorder very hard work still a pleasure but hard work ,I could have ten of ds1 and not be stressed but ds2/and all the worry that goes with caring for him makes me stressed.
I had 3 DC under 2 yo.
I was tired and stressed. Still am.
<rocks in corner>
I think it depends on your life before you have them. I had dc1 in the last year of uni so DH and I have had children for all of our adult lives really - we have no experience of life without. We have 5 now and I dont feel my life is difficult or stressful because its just life - I have nothing to look back to that was different!.
My mum said the same thing when I was achild. Then I became a teenager and she quickly changed her mind.
Well said Mrs. I usually just do the night wakings because it's easier then waking DH.
And you have a kid, not plural. I'm pregnant with DC2, things are definitely going to change.
Ds1 started off as a decent sleeper. He was just building up to sleeping through, when some regular sleep regressions kicked in, followed by being totally covered in excema relating to an undiagnosed cows milk allergy. I spent 6 months wistfully remembering the heady newborn days of 3 hour blocks of sleep. Meanwhile DH slept on blissfully unaware of the depths of my sleep deprivation. One day he made the mistake of telling someone what a great sleeper DS was after yet another long night of multiple breast feeds... I was not best pleased.
Ds2 is currently on his first feed of the night. Ds1 had me up 3 hours ago for a cup of water. It's not worth the effort to wake DH as he can't sort Ds2, and Ds1 is quicker to help than getting DH up. I'm too accustomed to waking easily after 4 years of pregnancy insomnia and breastfeeding. My body hasn't had the chance to relearn sleeping through on the few chances it's had.
Dh's interpretation of how stressful and tiring it is to have two small children is very different to mine. Oh how he notices when I go away for the weekend. Pre-Ds1, I came back to a tidy house after he ignored DS and ploughed on with cleaning. These days, I'll find them in their pajamas at teatime, with DH lying on the floor under a blanket being treated as a human trampoline. Apparently it was easier to lie on the floor than be swarmed on the chair. I tried not to laugh too hard as I had other plans for the weekend coming up.
yes, I am sure that only one child that you are not with for the majority of the week isn't very stressful or tiring.
I'm sure it's already been pointed out that actually, your thread title does imply judgement.
You ARE lucky - you have had an easy ride of it. I didn't have too much trouble with DS1 either; he was a very good boy, I made my life as easy as I could with co-sleeping etc. to reduce tiredness but having him still made me tired sometimes.
And then I had Ds2 and OMG the difference - he's SO MUCH HARDER work than DS1.
Luckily, I had found MN within a few months of DS1 being born so was already pre-wired to realise that I was lucky with DS1, it was nothing to do with anything I had or hadn't done, he was just a good baby. DS2 has had nothing any different (apart from the obvious of having a big brother) and is just a completely different kettle of fish - he's inquisitive, on the go the whole time, into everything, more destructive and just so much more work.
So - just remember you're lucky, it's nothing to do with your or your DW, and good luck if you have a second.
DD, DS and I breeze through the day until DH comes home. We take walks through fields of flowers and butterflies while DS lies gurgling and coo-ing in the pram.
We come home and DD serenely sits while I prepare her a varied and wholesome meal that she eats quietly and happily while I sit and BF DS.
Both children go to bed with no fuss and DS never wakes in the night for a feed as I'm such a good parent. A quick flick around the house and it's spotless to start the next day.
Eh hum. Then of course I wake from my day dream
Ha ha, no, YANBU if that's your experience. If she is healthy, you have no money worries and you both chip in to look after her I can see why your situation would be easier. Makes me long for my dream one child now!!! .
I would say that if you really never find it tiring then you may not be spending much time with your child or doing much with them when you are. Also one child is very different to more than one as they have to sleep at some point so you can too. Having toddlers and a baby means you can be up breastfeeding all night and still have to get up at 6am or before to look after the toddlers. That may be one reason why some people find having kidS tiring sometimes.
I'm sure it is perfectly possible to have one child, spend little time interacting with them and think kids are never tiring or stressful.
We have five plus a stepson including one with special needs.
I find it easy, that is more to do with my low standards and a lot of luck rather than any ability on my part
plus i feel compelled to say i find my children easy i find my husband stressful kids you can send to bed wtf do you do with an irritating husband send him home to mammy?
Well, as far as goading goes, this was a very successful thread.
I think I may start one "AIBU to say losing weight is easy - just eat less?"
or "AIBU to let them eat cake as I have no money worries?"
Smugness is just never pretty.
Btw one of the above AIBUs is a lie… <mysterious>
The OP said "having kids is not stressful/tiring" - and asked if anyone agreed with him or found what he was saying to be incorrect.
Most people disagreed with him, and pointed out that as all people are different, in different circumstances and with different children, the most he could say is that he finds being a parent to his one child to be stress free and not tiring.
Anyone with the ability to empathise and look outside their own situation could see that this would be the case. That's why, I think, that a lot of people assumed that the OP was actually being a bit goady and insincere.
It's not about being bitter or jealous at all, the flaming was about the need to start such a thread which basically makes out that the op is a perfect parent and that anyone who doesn't find it easy is doing something wrong.
Parenting is stressful, parenting is tiring. It is also very rewarding but to start an AIBU to suggest that parenting is neither stressful not tiring is as best daft at worse inflammatory and/or rude
<whispers> I don't find it tiring or stressful either. I love being a mum.
That's certainly not to say that I think it should be easy for everyone. We all have different circumstances, different families and different takes on the world. It's just my own experience.
In your opinion.....based on your lucky experience of one child.
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