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To think this is a bit cheeky?

(20 Posts)
CeliaFate Sat 23-Aug-14 07:41:08

Dd wanted to go shopping with her mates so invited a few of them. One of them said she couldn't afford to go so declined. After a bit of persuasion, she agreed to come as dd offered (with my blessing) for us to pay for her lunch. The family is genuinely hard up so no problem.
So they go shopping, went for lunch at Pizza Express (which was £10). After lunch the girl who couldn't afford to come then bought a top from New Look for £12! Dd was hmm but said nothing. It's done now, it won't be brought up again, but AIBU to think in her position I would have paid for my own lunch and not bought anything?

Sirzy Sat 23-Aug-14 07:45:03

How old are they?

It could easily be a case of genuinely couldn't afford it but needed a new top so she was given enough money to cover the cost of a new top.

namechangeno1 Sat 23-Aug-14 07:45:32

I can understand you feeling a bit annoyed, but if the day out planned was for 'shopping' it is nice to be able to go out and buy a treat if all your friends are.

It was nice of you to pay for her pizza though smile

Try and think of this kindly, a hard up girl got the chance to go out with her mates and be one of the crowd. Possibly a couple of her family members clubbed together to give her some money to go out with. She went home feeling like she belonged. she'd been with her mates, had lunch out and bought some clothes. She didn't have to pretend she didn't like anything in the shops just because she couldn't afford to join in.
You and your daughter enabled this to happen. You never know fully what is going on behind someone else's door, that afternoon may be something that sticks with that girl for a long time.
Please tell your daughter she is a great friend and put the rest out of your mind.

winkywinkola Sat 23-Aug-14 07:49:54

Aw. You know she's hard up. She's a kid. Perhaps for her she only afford the top because you paid for lunch. And she didn't want to go shopping with you all because she knew lunch would be involved and eating out wouldn't last as long as a new top.

I think you should take great pleasure from having bought her lunch. And don't think of her as cheeky.

loopyarabella Sat 23-Aug-14 07:50:57

What blueandwhite said. Even poor people need clothes wink. You were lovely to give her a day out like that, when she had originally declined (it really doesn't sound like she was trying to manipulate you). It seems perfectly reasonable to be able to find money for a new top, but not have money for lunch in a cafe or restaurant.

CeliaFate Sat 23-Aug-14 07:54:05

You're right.

Being able to buy something and fit in is important for young teens.

She had a good time and will remember that long after I've forgotten it.

Lucked Sat 23-Aug-14 07:58:33

When I was a hard up student I didn't waste my money on lunches out. Perhaps when she said she couldn't afford to come she meant she didn't want to spend her limited resources on food.

I also agree that on hearing she was having a shopping trip with friends her family chipped on so she could actually buy something - the purpose of shopping!!! A £12 top is hardly anything and she got to join in the days activity.

Have a word with your dd and explain this so it doesn't fester and affect their relationship.

SlatternLovesLots Sat 23-Aug-14 08:03:25

It is no fun going shopping at any age, never mind tween or teenager, if you can't buy something. A £12 top wouldn't have bothered me as I would have been glad she could 'join in'.

If she had bought more or something more expensive then I might have thought it cheeky. Saying that if she had been saving up/been given a specific amount to buy a bigger ticket item such as a winter coat I still wouldn't be bothered.

It was only the cost a pizza and the girls had fun together.

luckygirl322 Sat 23-Aug-14 08:07:27

Exactly-going 'shopping' when really all you're doing is watching other people shop sucks-especially for a teenage girl.

You were kind to include her and buy her lunch.

HappyAgainOneDay Sat 23-Aug-14 08:37:27

Sirzy

Needed a new top? Judging by the wardrobes of teenagers whom I know, no one needs a new top.

MrsWinnibago Sat 23-Aug-14 08:38:11

I also think you should be kind about this. Young girls are rarely that thoughtful and at least she got to go out. Don't mention it to your DD...she might think less of her friend or say something to the others.

EustaciaBenson Sat 23-Aug-14 08:42:23

Happy, perhaps you don't know any teenagers who are hard up then, of course she might need a top, just becauuse some teenagers have loads of clothes doesn't mean they all do

MsVestibule Sat 23-Aug-14 08:44:05

Isn't it nice when most posters on AIBU disagree but instead of piling in, gently point out a different perspective? smile

Mind you, it would be a pretty boring site if that happened all the time.

Sirzy Sat 23-Aug-14 08:45:26

Happy teeangers grow, even they need new clothes. The op has already stated that she knows the family are hard up so yes she could well have NEEDED a new top.

Awful I know but even poor people need clothes, and realistically I can think of few times in life when it must be harder to be in a position to not be able to afford to keep up with your peers than as a teenager. As the OP has already accepted her kindness has allowed this young girl to have a day or normality

StillWishihadabs Sat 23-Aug-14 08:51:28

I remember being dragged around the shops and having to spend my pocket money on lunch as a teen, it sucks.

picnicbasketcase Sat 23-Aug-14 08:54:58

It is a bit cheeky but I bet she had a lovely time that she would have missed out in otherwise. I hope she thanked you for the lunch.

MrsWinnibago Sat 23-Aug-14 08:59:19

Also, for her a shopping trip may well not automatically include lunch. I remember having to shell out on expensive hot drinks and cakes with friends in cafes and I would always do it to save face...they had more cash than me generally but friends don't mind these things....you give a little when you can. Once I had a job, I always got my mates little treats as a way of saying thank you for the times they had bought me things.

StillFrigginRexManningDay Sat 23-Aug-14 09:26:21

I was that hard up kid and feeling a sense of belonging would have meant the world to me. Not having hand me downs, being able to have a top I chose, well it makes being poor go away for a couple of hours.

Really nice of your dd to care about her coming so much smile

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