I need your advice......

(9 Posts)
Brokentopieces Wed 20-Aug-14 15:44:12

I have a 6 year old dd. I'm not with her father and I was never in a relationship with him.

Dds dad has only being involved in her life very rarely but his family was and I really really got on with them. Things with the family went tits up and they started attacking me, grandad shouted and cursed in my face, aunt wrote horrible things on my fb page (I mean the most vile things), cousins harassing me on nights out, my friends get harassed over it and one friend was even pushed and tripped up. I haven't spoken to the family in 6 months.
This past month dds dad is making an effort and I agreed to supervised access (supervised as I don't trust him to run off with her, he's on drugs etc), I made it clear I don't want anything to do with his family. My family and friends are horrified I'm even giving him a chance.

Last night dd was on the phone to him and he put on the granny, I didn't know what to do so just hung up the phone and told dd it went dead.
I'm so angry because I made myself clear and he just thinks he can do what he wants now that we've being getting on a few weeks.

I don't know what to do, I couldn't sleep last night over it. I feel like I've fucked up big time, no1 else would of let his man back in their dds life and now she's building a bond with him again and I'm afraid of what's going to happen.
This is skimming over the details, soooooo much has happened but i would take a book to explain it

WorraLiberty Wed 20-Aug-14 15:47:35

Blimey, what happened to make them suddenly act like that out of the blue?

From what you've said, maybe a proper access centre and mediation is needed, to sort all this out?

Although to be fair, that's probably not down to you to arrange.

Brokentopieces Wed 20-Aug-14 16:39:38

Every time he stopped seeing dd it was to do with one specific girl. He got back with her and stopped seeing dd again, I just kept my distance but would text the parents about seeing dd and the messages were ignored. I wouldn't mind but they hated this girl and knew she was the reason he kept walking out of dds life and they just suddenly started loving her hating me overnight..... BUT I did wrong aswel....he cheated on her with me and I told her after he tried blackmailing me over something.

Smilesandpiles Wed 20-Aug-14 18:08:05

Do yourself, your friends and your DD a favour and bin the lot of them. Him as well.

It's only a matter of time before this blows up again and your dd is older now to hurt that bit more and for a bit longer.

Brokentopieces Wed 20-Aug-14 22:41:18

We only came to an agreement over access 4 weeks ago and the first day he didn't show up, I don't know how to get him to cop on

Oneeyedbloke Thu 21-Aug-14 00:17:00

You need to ask yourself, why do you want this man in your dd's life? Not your life, hers. He's never going to come without the strings of his horrible-sounding family attached, right? And he's on drugs. So who wants him, dd or you? Don't fall for any 'but he's her father' stuff. You can't trust him or his family; he's only interested in dd half the time, is that a proper father? So Smilesandpiles is right, do the both of you a favour and get yourselves away from this lot, it's not going to turn out well and you know it. And when you've cut the ties - whatever it takes, change the locks, phone numbers - give yourself a massive pat on the back, the first duty of any parent is to protect their child from harm, actual or potential.

Brokentopieces Wed 03-Sep-14 10:12:50

Thanks for all the advice, I asked to meet with him to speak about everything and basically lay it on the line.......but he didn't show up of course.
So that's it....I'm done. I'm just pissed off because I'm owed 1000 in maintenance. Gotta accept ill never get it even tho me and dd are badly struggling sad

Nanny0gg Wed 03-Sep-14 11:39:03

Have you gone through the CSA for maintenance? Let them chase him.

Brokentopieces Wed 03-Sep-14 15:12:41

I'm in Ireland. I went to court and have a court order for just over 100 a month as he wasn't working at the time so no way of chasing it really

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