to give MIL an electronic cigarette?

(11 Posts)

More Would I (or DH) be unreasonable?

She is a fairly heavy smoker and always has been. She is now having some heart issues (not that unusual in her mid 60s, must be relatively mild atm but parents in law both being evasive about details - doctor's apts and blood tests but no sense of urgency or need to go into hospital).

DH wants to give her an electronic cigarette to try as a present. There has been no prior discussion of the idea, DH just thought of it and has ordered one on Amazon No idea how she will take it - DD cried every time MIL held her as a baby and DH suggested it was because she smelled of cigarette smoke, and MIL didn't speak to him for about a month (we lived a long way away so the length of time wasn't that dramatic, but only FIL spoke to DH on the phone for several weeks). She can be a bit like that...

Is it offensive/ unreasonable? I will have to hand over the present (will be given alongside flowers and a token small present for FIL as a thank you for babysitting later in the week)

WorraLiberty Tue 19-Aug-14 22:14:58

A present out of the blue like that might be accepted with good grace by some people, but it doesn't sound as though it will be by your MIL from what you've said.

Would you buy a drink dependant person a book about giving up alcohol, or would you book an overweight person into a fat camp as a present?

If the answer is no...well buying this particular woman an e-cig could be viewed the same way.

wigglesrock Tue 19-Aug-14 22:18:49

Yes, you would be unreasonable. There's been no prior discussion, it's not like she's said I'd love to give up, I wonder what those e cigs are like. She's in her 60s, her health problem are hers, you're obviously happy enough for them to babysit, I honestly think you're overstepping a line that she has already drawn with regards to the previous huffiness/falling out.

ShatnersBassoon Tue 19-Aug-14 22:24:24

It's presumptuous and rude. She'd have to be living in a cave to not know about them.

Mention it in passing instead. Do you know anyone who's had success with cutting out tobacco by using one?

caroldecker Tue 19-Aug-14 22:30:09

You will put her off them even if she is not upset. You need to guide her towards the stop smoking topic on here as the amazon ones are rubbish

morethanpotatoprints Tue 19-Aug-14 22:31:25

OP I'm a smoker and if one of my grown up dc or even dd 10 bought me one, I would take it with the love they obviously have for me, to be worried about my health.
Any smoker who tells you they don't want to stop is lying.
However, you know what she is like and you know you risk her not talking to you for a while.
You could back it up with an original copy Of Allen Car.
In for a pound type of thing.

ICanSeeTheSun Tue 19-Aug-14 22:31:25

Lots of people swear by them, but for me I couldn't get on with it.

A giving up smoking thing has to be personal to the person.

ilovesooty Tue 19-Aug-14 22:47:08

I gave up more than a year ago with one but it was my choice. A lot of people I know have gone down the same route and I'm often asked for advice and tips.

My biggest tip is if you're serious about wanting to try vaping invest in some decent equipment and use a well regarded specialist site.

I wouldn't dream of buying someone an unsolicited gift like that. It's presumptuous and rude if she hasn't previously expressed an interest and is likely to be counter productive.

And yes the Amazon ones are rubbish.

That's fairly unanimous then. Will have to return the Amazon order.

I wasn't sure, but DH just wanted to "do" something...

We only know about the heart issue because FIL called to say they needed to have the kids on a different night to the one planned due to MIL having a medical apt - they were clear they still wanted to have the kids for a day and a night (its something we usually do once per school holiday - they tend to stay around the house and garden, kids are no longer small enough to need a lot of lifting etc. and FIL can do any carrying required). She seems perfectly well, and FIL is early retired and very fit and healthy, and will be with her/ them all the time, so no, no anxiety really about her health meaning the PIL can't babysit together.

I wouldn't give anyone a book on giving up smoking, dieting, giving up drinking, no, I think the ecig idea (rather than a book on giving up smoking) seemed appealing because it is something you can just try and see if it suits you, and use or not as you go along, without any big time investment or needing to make an immediate commitment to giving up etc. The in-laws tend not to buy things or try things on a whim at all... but no, she has not said anything about giving up. SIL smokes heavily too and hangs out at the in-laws house a lot for the free food even though she lives elsewhere, MIL doesn't socialise a lot and she and SIL sit and smoke and talk together... I guess she could esmoke with her more easily than go cold turkey and miss the social side - but maybe it doesn't work that way?

No, I don't know anyone who has given up in any other way than cold turkey/ patches. I've never even seen anyone use an ecigarette.

Worra If somebody booked me on a fat camp I would go - providing the in-laws could babysit wink Do fat camps really exist? I imagine a week of somebody else cooking me healthy meals and doing lots of swimming and going for long walks ... actually it would be horrible public weighing and sweaty group exercise classes with a drill sergeant type wouldn't it? grin

WorraLiberty Tue 19-Aug-14 22:57:19

Yes it would be bloody awful if someone had chosen to pay for fat camp, when you'd never even hinted or suggested that you wanted to go to one grin

On a serious note, perhaps your DH or you could raise the subject of e-cigs and see if she's curious about them. That way a present wouldn't be so out of the blue.

Although it's important to get the right one for her and a non smoker might find that difficult.

I gave up years ago with one and it was a total godsend.

I don't think it's that bad an idea, if it's given as part of a larger present and you don't make a big deal of it.

I wouldn't choose her one off Amazon though. There is some half-decent kit on there but there's a lot of crap as well and if you don't know what you're looking for it's likely you'll get the wrong thing.

As a simple 'proof-of-concept' novelty gift, you could do worse than a high-strength Vype from the supermarket. They're not marvellous and they work out VERY expensive but they're not bad for a cig-alike and are less off-putting for a newbie than a refillable tank system. If she gets on OK with it, come over to the stop smoking section and we'll help find a better option for longer term vaping. Lots of us over there have successfully stopped smoking by using ecigs smile

Whatever you do though, don't make a big deal of it. Just pop it in among some other small gifts and don't mention it again unless she brings it up or is obviously getting on well with it.

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