To feel uncomfortable that my friend leaves her dd home alone?

(89 Posts)
BocaDeTrucha Tue 19-Aug-14 11:38:07

My friend has done an amazing job of bringing up her dd as a single mum and since having my ds, I know even more how hard it must be to do it alone. She has now met a lovely new man and live together. Since meeting him she has become a gym fanatic and is looking great but told me the other day that she goes with dp to the gym in the morning and leaves dd alone in bed with a list of things to do to get ready for summer club. She comes back around 10am, takes dd to summer club then goes back to the gym.

She's not forced to leave dd alone to hold down a job (she's not working at the moment) but chooses to do it to go to the gym. This makes me feel a little uncomfortable. Dd is my goddaughter. Am I being too sensitive and is this normal?

sparechange Tue 19-Aug-14 11:39:11

How old is her DD?

NickNacks Tue 19-Aug-14 11:39:35

Well how old is the girl?

meddie Tue 19-Aug-14 11:40:04

Depends on the childs age.

BocaDeTrucha Tue 19-Aug-14 11:42:21

Oooops, missed the important bit... She's 6 years old.

DaisyFlowerChain Tue 19-Aug-14 11:42:58

If not being forced to look for work on benefits then the child must be under 5.

Some people sadly have no question of priorities. Leaving a child home alone to go to the gym to impress a man is obviously more important than working to provide food, work ethic etc to a child hmm

If there child was under 11, I'd ring the NSPCA and ask for their involvement.

rookiemater Tue 19-Aug-14 11:43:33

Gosh no 6 is far, far too young to leave alone.

DaisyFlowerChain Tue 19-Aug-14 11:44:20

Just seen the child is 6. I'd tell her in no uncertain terms it's wrong and that you plan to report to SS. If you don't want to get involved personally, then ring them and ask them to keep it anonymous.

MehsMum Tue 19-Aug-14 11:44:30

6 is a bit young even by my slack standards. Perhaps you could have a gentle word with your friend.

BeckAndCall Tue 19-Aug-14 11:45:26

Good lord! I thought you were going to say she's 12 or something. SIX!

Poor little thing.

You need some advice from maybe the NSPCC - anonymous perhaps, just to test the water

FunkyBoldRibena Tue 19-Aug-14 11:46:16

Wow - I'd never leave a 6 yr old alone at home.

MrsWinnibago Tue 19-Aug-14 11:47:33

Sheesh. I have a 6 year old and I would NEVER leave her. She'd bake a cake, paint the walls in makeup and invite all the local kids in for a shingdig. You need to tell her it's not on.

ladygracie Tue 19-Aug-14 11:49:02

No - that is not okay at all. Why can't she just go to the gym when her dd is at holiday club?

BocaDeTrucha Tue 19-Aug-14 11:49:05

Thing is, I don't live in the UK so not sure what the procedure is over here. I think the quiet word approach is my first step.. Her dd is a very independent little thing and is quite capable of getting up and ready alone, but she shouldn't have to.... Let alone all the possible accidents that could happen. I have butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it.

KoalaDownUnder Tue 19-Aug-14 11:49:13

Six? Good grief, no. That's way too young. shock Completely irresponsible.

So she and her partner both think this is okay, presumably? I'd be having words if she was my friend.

BocaDeTrucha Tue 19-Aug-14 11:50:47

ladygracie, my question entirely. She has 3 hours at summer club so no excuse.

appealtakingovermylife Tue 19-Aug-14 11:51:36

This mum needs to be very careful that her dd doesn't innocently mention to another child, or an adult that she is left alone.
This is shocking to me, I have twin nephews who're 6, the thought of them home alone is unimaginable.
Op you should voice your concerns to your friend, she clearly isn't aware how wrong this is ( though I don't see how ).
I'm sure this would be classed as neglectsad

Whatisaweekend Tue 19-Aug-14 11:51:54

Nope, absolutely not. 6 is far too young. Is the mum approachable and would she be ok with a gentle word? If yes, I would go down that route. If no then I think a call to SS with a request for anonymity might be in order. Pretty outrageous that she doesn't wait until the dd is at her summer club and off her hands for her gym trips.

DogCalledRudis Tue 19-Aug-14 11:53:17

How long a gym does take? An hour or two. 6yo will be just fine

hoboken Tue 19-Aug-14 11:53:33

Talk to your friend and say that this is not on, because of the possible danger/illness or whatever. She is putting her wish to be fit for a man above her DD's needs. Completely unacceptable.

KoalaDownUnder Tue 19-Aug-14 11:55:42

They obviously think 'can toilet and dress herself and keep herself occupied = ready to stay home alone'. Wrong.

The problem is that a six-year-old doesn't have the judgement or skills to be able to deal with the unexpected. From big things like gas leak or power outage or someone trying to break in, to small things like smashing a plate or tripping over or just getting frightened by something. A little child shouldn't be in the position of handling any of this by herself!

KoalaDownUnder Tue 19-Aug-14 11:57:58

How long a gym does take? An hour or two. 6yo will be just fine

There are many, many things that can go wrong in 2 hours that will leave a six-year-old very frightened, if not in actual danger.

It's just not worth the risk, especially to do something non-essential.

spiderlight Tue 19-Aug-14 12:00:48

Much too young!!

SirChenjin Tue 19-Aug-14 12:04:54

Bloody hell - no way. I wouldn't leave my (just turned) 7 year old home alone even for an hour or 2 - too much could happen, not just to them but to me (car crash, accident, etc). I'm far more lax with him that I ever was with the teens at that age, but just no.

A trip to the gym is not essential - think you need to have a quiet word.

rainbowfeet Tue 19-Aug-14 12:08:12

6!!!! Surely that's illegal in any country... No tell your friend she is out of line & if it doesn't stop you'll be informing the authorities... I'd rather lose a friend than have something happen to a child.. hmm

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