To be perfectly happy that my children are growing up?

(66 Posts)
DrSeuss Tue 19-Aug-14 10:10:53

Yet another friend just commented on how it's terrible that her kids are growing up so fast, wishing they could stay little for longer. Am I the only horrible mummy who is happy that her children are growing up? I love seeing them learn new things, develop new skills, experience new things demonstrate independence or maturity. Plus, the more independence they have, the more I get my life back! Am I just unfeeling?

MrsWolowitz Tue 19-Aug-14 10:11:50

YANBU.

I feel the same too.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Tue 19-Aug-14 10:13:01

I think you can feel both emotions simultaneously - I am delighted with each new milestone (and DS has SN so each achievement is extremely hard-won) but I do look at the giant gangly 9 yo who is nearly as tall as me and miss my baby too. because the baby didn't answer back

MehsMum Tue 19-Aug-14 10:14:44

YANBU. Even my smallest is now entering the teens, and I'm thrilled. I loved their babyhoods, but I was physically exhausted.

As I say to them, the point of bringing them up is to bring them to independence, not keep them dependent upon you forever. It's great when they can make cakes, cook meals and mow the lawn!

WooWooOwl Tue 19-Aug-14 10:15:10

No, you're not.

I get similar comments from my mum who always goes on about how she misses my dc being little. They were lovely when they were little, but they are just as lovely now, and I really enjoy being able to properly share things with them now they are older and not just enjoy things because they are enjoying them iyswim. But my mum always manages to make me feel guilty too somehow, you are not alone.

Timeforabiscuit Tue 19-Aug-14 10:16:01

Nope, I fail to see how going to the toilet with an audience is in any way something to hold on to.

In a years time dd will be old enough to pop out to the corner shop for chocolate pints of milk.

mrssnodge Tue 19-Aug-14 10:18:07

Its great, they grow up, leave home, then I've just got one of the buggers move back home !!! In mean time I also have I got two grand DCs, a DSD who sleep most weekends! I though once my DC had grown up that would mean my life back, do what I want when I want, but it did not turn out like that!
Love them all really, but hard work that hasnt stopped cos my DC have grown up- got a whole new extended family...

Mrsgrumble Tue 19-Aug-14 10:20:07

I have an eleven month old and am already glad he can old the bottle himself. Sit up etc and play a short while.

YANBU

It's not feasible to keep up the 24/7 work

expatinscotland Tue 19-Aug-14 10:21:09

I'm with you. This is what it's about, they grow up. I have enjoyed every stage. Our eldest is forever 9, but even before she fell ill and passed away, I was proud of her growing up.

SoDiana Tue 19-Aug-14 10:22:05

Absolutely not. I'm amazed at the amount of people who say 'they grow up so fast'. No they don't!

threepiecesuite Tue 19-Aug-14 10:25:16

I'm sad my child is growing up but I'm trying hard not to be wistful and enjoy her at every stage she's at.
She starts school in Sept and I'm finding it a very big milestone. I'm no good at 'firsts' and 'lasts'.

indigo18 Tue 19-Aug-14 10:30:07

Well there's sod all can be done about it! I think the answer is to try and take all the positives you can out of every stage. It does pass all too quickly and then they are gone and don't really need you much.
When my DTs left for Uni, I was bemoaning the fact that they did not even miss me when my DD informed me that 'the strongest attachment leads to the most successful detachment', so there you go Mum, you made us feel secure enough to leave!

kinkymouse Tue 19-Aug-14 10:32:35

I love each stage and have two teenagers at the moment and have never laughed so much in years, they are an endless supply of hilarity some intentional some not. But this was the case at all stages.

My DM still says "I wish they could stay babies" why? I just really don't get it. She was awful to me and my siblings during the teenage years I always felt guilty for growing up she said it to me that often.

indigo18 Tue 19-Aug-14 10:32:49

Oh expat, so sorry.

CeliaFate Tue 19-Aug-14 10:35:36

Yanbu. I am proud of who my children are becoming. I love talking to them about their views on the world and now they're older they're good company rather than just seeing me as someone to carry their coat and give them money (although there's a fair bit of that still!)
I do look at baby pictures and think "aww" but don't miss lack of sleep, the constant slog of feeding/bathing/dressing/changing and the boredom!

ThisFenceIsComfy Tue 19-Aug-14 10:36:08

I say this. It's not that I don't enjoy each new stage of DS's life or each bit of independence I gain, it's just that I know that time marches on and I want to saviour every moment.

I sound like a bit of a knob sorry.

DrSeuss Tue 19-Aug-14 10:38:48

Is it possible that some people like babies because they can call the shots? My own relationship with my late mother deteriorated as I gained independence. She was ok while she could choose my clothes and activities and so on for me. Once I started to have thoughts and tastes of my own, usually very different from her, she could not accept that she was no longer in control.

ThisFenceIsComfy Tue 19-Aug-14 10:46:53

Hahaha DS had horrific colic so I spent 4 months with him constantly on me, screaming, not being able to shower or go to the loo without blood curdling screams, hours and hours of walking the streets trying to soothe him.

I was most definitely not calling the shots. I still feel wistful about the baby days though. God knows why.

kinkymouse Tue 19-Aug-14 10:46:58

expat so sorry. That is so sad.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Tue 19-Aug-14 10:47:45

Well it's possible, but DS definitely called the shots more when he was a baby. At least now he is able to negotiate...

rookiemater Tue 19-Aug-14 10:50:53

YANBU - I find it really hard to empathise when people (Mothers generally) say that they started crying on their DC's first day at school. I was delighted grin.
Although I like the stage he's at now - 8, and would happily keep him rather than the slobby, grumpy pre-teen and teen that I know we'll be in for.

Ragwort Tue 19-Aug-14 11:27:15

I agree rookie - I was out celebrating when my DS started school, couldn't believe all the mothers crying hmm.

And I am looking forward to my teenager leaving home, I am proud that he is growing up to be independent but if I am totally honest I want my own time back to do as I please which doesn't involve trying to entertain a teenager during the long summer holidays grin.

cailindana Tue 19-Aug-14 11:30:19

I feel both ways at the same time. I love seeing my two do new things and I am so glad they are getting out of the baby phase, as I find it so draining, but I do look back with nostalgia at their baby photos and feel a bit sad. DS starts full time nursery this September and while I am so excited for him I also feel a definite pang that this time we've had together at home is over sad

Sightoabloodyscream Tue 19-Aug-14 11:44:38

So glad it's not just me. One of my friends remarked: "You don't like parenthood much, do you?" But I think it's the little children bit I don't like (4 and 2) cos it's so bloody hard. I certainly don't mourn them growing up. Yes, they can be funny and sweet and downright bonkers as pre-schoolers, but I find them much more interesting as they are growing up. Besides which, I want my life back.

Whyamihere Tue 19-Aug-14 11:58:54

I don't think it's that I want dd to be a baby again because I absolutely love her at the age she is now (10) but I would like a baby again just to have the joy of watching someone totally untroubled by what people think and to experience all the firsts again and really enjoy the first few years.

I love the fact though that I have watched my dd get to where she is now, I'm fascinated by the growth of her thinking and independence, I'm also looking forward to seeing how she's going to turn out as an adult but I've loved each stage (except the under 6 months which was horrendous), although as we'll be coming into the teenage years soon I may be changing my mind.

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