To encourage dd to aim high?

(20 Posts)
moldingsunbeams Mon 18-Aug-14 23:29:41

My dd has sen, she is verbally bright but low on paper as has issues with processing and getting info from her head to paper. My Dad was the same and went on to do well. Dd has just finished her sats and was behind in some areas.

Despite this dd wants to be a doctor, a clinical engineer or work with dna. All these need uni and doctor certainly top grades. My dd will be lucky to scrape C if I am being honest.

A friend has told me I am setting her up for a fall, that it is unfair to encourage her for her to feel a failure if she doesn't get grades.

I prefer to allow her to aim high, realistically she probably is not going to get very high grades, but there are plenty of similar jobs she could do and who is to say in the future with support what she might do.

So am I setting her up for a fall?

moldingsunbeams Mon 18-Aug-14 23:31:42

Just to add I am not pushing her into any of these areas but encouraging her and telling her she will need to work hard and basically not telling her she can't.

LadyLuck10 Mon 18-Aug-14 23:31:54

Please don't listen to your friend. If anything encouraging her will give her the confidence and belief that she can do anything. She might change her mind eventually and not be a doctor but at least she will still be confident enough to do what she wants.

Mrsjayy Mon 18-Aug-14 23:37:05

Not at all my own dd is dyspraxic same sort of processing issues as your dd was written off in primary thrived by the time she got into 2nd year of high school passed all her standard grades and did well in her highers she is did 3 in 5th year and doing 3 in 6th year she is scribed and transcribed for her exams she doesnt know what she wants to do yet either performing or animal biology, encourage your dd to do her best

Mrsjayy Mon 18-Aug-14 23:38:09

Oh I am in scotland if you are confused about the years etc

Mrsjayy Mon 18-Aug-14 23:40:42

Meh sats mean nothing they are a waste of time imo especially if there is learning difficulties

moldingsunbeams Mon 18-Aug-14 23:42:12

tbh from what I have read if we were in Scotland she would be in year below due to her birth month.

Topseyt Mon 18-Aug-14 23:42:29

I take it it was Key Stage 3 Sats?? So she is already at secondary school and has at least completed year 8??

It is a hard one. There is no harm in her aiming high and having goals and aspirations, so I think that realistically all you can do is ensure that she knows you will be there for her no matter what happens and whatever grades she eventually gets.

You want to encourage her to do as well as she can, but the problem is that she doesn't seem to be being realistic so the worry is what happens if she doesn't get something she has set her heart on. It is quite a dilemma. I take it you have spoken to her teachers at school and canvassed their opinions and predictions. Have you asked them privately how they would broach the problem? The very experienced of them have almost certainly seen or heard this before.

Mrsjayy Mon 18-Aug-14 23:45:19

What age is she

AlpacaLypse Mon 18-Aug-14 23:50:40

Without her actual age right now none of this makes any sense and none of us can come up with a sensible suggestion for a forward strategy. Please update. (Sorry if this sounds knaggy but I keep reading OPs at the moment which have rather large chunks of vital info missing and this is one of them)

moldingsunbeams Mon 18-Aug-14 23:56:30

Sorry I thought I had put her age! She is only nearly twelve so plenty of time yet but her issues are ongoing and learning has always been a problem.

EBearhug Tue 19-Aug-14 00:07:04

Encourage her to aim high and work hard, but make her aware she should be open to other paths and ways of getting to what she wants, as she might change her mind or things might not go to plan - that's fair advice, regardless of whether she's SEN or likely to get any particular results. Besides, she's only 12, so she's got a way to go, but I think encouragement should be ongoing, not something that kicks in at the exam years. I think you might need to deal with expectations in the next year or so when she comes to take her GCSE options, but you should be able to get her teachers to talk about it too - I don't mean put her off, but at least get the idea of a plan B in mind.

I speak as someone who turned out to need a Plan B, and didn't really have one.

moldingsunbeams Tue 19-Aug-14 00:17:47

She was upset about the lower sat results. I simply told her there was never not a way back, to try her hardest now while she got it free but there were ways round most things.

AlpacaLypse Tue 19-Aug-14 00:18:30

Thanks for update for age.

I think a lot will depend on what support she gets from her school. If she's about to transition from primary to secondary I don't suppose you've had much chance to liaise with the Head of SEN yet.

If you haven't already done so, opt in for Special Educational Needs here on MN. It's a 'closed' topic to keep it safe from casual googling, but they're a lovely bunch and very supportive. My dsis has had wonderful advice and handholding with dnephew who has pretty highlevel ASD needs.

Misknit Tue 19-Aug-14 00:21:13

Read Mindset by Carol Dweck. There is lots on how to speak to young people to help them develop a successful attitude to learning. Always aim high/have high expectations.

I think it's fantastic that she has ambition. Ignore your 'friend'.

Anomaly Tue 19-Aug-14 01:42:27

Something you should consider doing is talking about all sorts of different jobs. I teach secondary and find a lot of students have no idea about the huge variety of jobs out there. So you ask them about their future career and if they're interested in health they talk about being a doctor or a nurse as if those were the only roles in healthcare.

At some point you do need to be realistic and for some careers results matter. I've taught students with entirely unrealistic goals and its very difficult to know what to say as you don't want to trample on anyone's dreams.

Lonecatwithkitten Tue 19-Aug-14 07:49:33

Please don't discourage her, both my sister and I are dyslexic and were discouraged from pursuing our dreams. Fortunately we both stuck two fingers up at them I'm a vet and she's a dual chartered engineer. Both in practice require far more verbal communication than anything else.

housebox Tue 19-Aug-14 08:27:43

I definitely agree with setting aims high and I hate the idea of telling a 12 year old that there are things they will never be able to achieve it just feels like it could become a self fulfiling prophecy.

However the flipside of this is that it can also be dangerous to set in stone an expectation that could be unrealistic.

I think if it was me I would talk about different options and maybe a "plan a" and a "plan b" so "it would be great if you can be a doctor and I'm sure you could do it, but if something happens and you don't get those grade you could also do X, Y, Z"

KnackeredMuchly Tue 19-Aug-14 09:12:47

I had a friend who wanted to be a vet. The school convinced her parents she wasn't bright enough to go in for the science GCSES and that was it, at 13 her ambition in life trashed.

Aim for the moon, if you don't make it at least you will be among the stars.

Twotallladies Tue 19-Aug-14 09:22:06

chemistry is the deal breaker for medicine and probably the other options you listed. In a couple of years she will be given the option to "drop" that subject. The downside of our education system is the choices we force on very young pupils. If she's able and enjoys it, try to keep that as her science option.

been there with DS trying for medicine

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