to think childrens sibling relationships should not be optional?

(10 Posts)
PeppaPug Mon 18-Aug-14 22:44:46

DHs exW has three children aged 8,7 and 2. The eldest are DHs. The 7 yr old is very much mums favourite and can do no wrong - she is massively spoilt and doesn't have to share with her siblings or be nice to them at home. She clashes with her 8 yr old because, quite frankly, she is horrible to him and demands all attention on her. He is very passive but will occasionally hit or push back.

Their nan is very much involved in their upbringing and every weekend DH and I don't have the children, either the 7 yr old or the two other children are sent to their nans - meaning the 7 yr old is mostly always alone with mum or nan with all attention on her. She has said this happens to 'give her a break' as she doesn't like her siblings and her mum and nan understand this confused

Now most times we're due to have the DC, one or the other doesn't want to come. It seems this is because they don't want to be with each other rather than because they don't want to see us. AIBU to think that siblings should be helped to get along rather than segregated? The 7 yr old often asks me to take her off away from her brother but I (and DH) think time together rather than more time apart is the answer.

HeySoulSister Mon 18-Aug-14 22:52:26

They are together all week tho

Not your business how mum organises the children really ... You don't live the reality of it day to day

PeppaPug Mon 18-Aug-14 22:59:38

No, they aren't. The other DC are left with nan while mum takes the 7 yr old to extra-curricular activities.

HeySoulSister Mon 18-Aug-14 23:00:54

What all day with nan??

heraldgerald Mon 18-Aug-14 23:28:11

I think they should be helped to get along. Book called how to raise happy brothers and sisters is brilliant about this kind of thing.

PeppaPug Mon 18-Aug-14 23:32:19

They're at school the rest of the day. In holidays and at weekends they're kept apart.

Jenny70 Tue 19-Aug-14 05:44:24

Firstly your DH should insist they both visit, if that's the time he's given he needs to be firm that it isn't either or, it's both children he gets to see.

It doesn't sound "right" in term of their own emotional development etc, but in reality what can you do about it? When they are with you, will they engage in any games together? Share meals?

Try to foster a caring environment when they are with you, praise any interactions you'd like to see encouraged. I'm sure the teenage years will get worse for sibling interactions, but possibly they will come out the other side with something in common and reconnect as young adults.

Littleroobe Tue 19-Aug-14 08:41:57

Are the 8 and 2 yr old boys and 7 yr old a girl?

I only ask as I know lots of families with 1 of each and the DD Is quite obviously favoured over DS. Totally wrong but it does happen.

PeppaPug Tue 19-Aug-14 09:03:47

Yes, she is the only girl. It's giving her a bad attitude towards boys and men as she sees herself, girls and women as superior too resulting in her also being derogatory to DH. She doesn't have the choice to not sitand eat with her bbrother with us but they don't talk and if we turn our back for a second she'll knock his drink over or push his food off his plate etc then claim he did it.

Littleroobe Tue 19-Aug-14 09:14:30

Yeah sounds like some of the people I know and now as adults they are either NC or only see/speak to each other at social events. No general contact.

The trouble is there isn't much you can do except what you are currently doing unless DH had a good relationship with Ex? Could he mention it to her going down the route of how in later life DS could see it as favouritism and may decide that he wants nothing to do with them? Extreme but his mother may not be aware of what she's actually causing? (Trying to be positive!)

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