to be pissed off with my friend?

(116 Posts)

My friend has just cancelled her visit with 2 days notice after we agreed it back in June and I'm furious. I live 400 miles away now but we were (still are, I thought) close friends from when we lived in the same town. She is my 4yo's godmother.

My sister is also visiting next week - which I let her know out of courtesy. They've met many times. We've got 2 spare rooms just now so plenty of space for everyone. She (my friend) texted me back within the hour saying that she'll come later in the year when she doesn't have to share us with anyone ( her words). I've tried to persuade her but she won't change her mind. I was really looking forward to seeing her.

AIBU to be pissed off at her cancelling at this notice? And doubly pissed off at the -excuse- reason? Not wanting to 'share' time with me and the kids seems weird to me. PLUS the assumption that we can just 'do it another time' when we're not exactly round the corner.

I'm going to have a v disappointed 4yo. Grrrr

Acolyte Sun 17-Aug-14 21:26:04

Maybe she feels she's intruding on family time.

Why did you invite your sister at the same time as your friend?

Fairenuff Sun 17-Aug-14 21:27:15

Maybe they don't get on as well as you think they do?

SarahAndFuck Sun 17-Aug-14 21:28:04

Is it possible she wants to speak to you about something important/private, and feels she can't do so with your sister also there?

ElizabethLemon Sun 17-Aug-14 21:28:17

When did you tell her your sister was going to be staying too?

Hoppinggreen Sun 17-Aug-14 21:28:33

Why arrange for your sister to come too? I would probably be a bit miffed that you didn't want to spend time with just me if I didn't see you often.

ChasedByBees Sun 17-Aug-14 21:29:06

It is a bit disappointing g but having your sister there will change the entire dynamic. She might feel like a third wheel. Three isn't a great number for a visit IMO, she might be worrying that she would have been left out while you and your sister reminisce about your childhood.

Montegomongoose Sun 17-Aug-14 21:29:36

I think I'm with your friend on this one. I'd be pretty pissed off if I arranged to go far to visit a friend and she's invited her sister and hasn't mentioned it to me, however many times I'd met her or spare rooms she had.

It would just change the dynamic too much.

Cause she starts a new job in Sept and wouldn't be able to come if it wasn't now. Plus we've socialised with each other's family a lot - I never dreamt that it would be an issue.

itiswhatitiswhatitis Sun 17-Aug-14 21:30:02

Hmm I can see why she might prefer to do it when you don't have other visitors.

pictish Sun 17-Aug-14 21:30:22

Hmm...I think you perhaps should have organised for them to stay at separate times.

NameChanged1967 Sun 17-Aug-14 21:31:07

I agree with your friend, assuming you've only just told her about your sister.

I also enjoy one-to-one time with my friends.

Preciousbane Sun 17-Aug-14 21:31:27

I agree it changes the dynamic totally.
I think she is a good friend because she has been very honest with you.

thenightsky Sun 17-Aug-14 21:31:49

YABU. I think she will feel she is intruding on your time with your sister.

pictish Sun 17-Aug-14 21:32:31

As nice as I'm sure your sister is, your friend is travelling 400 miles to see you, not her.

Bowlersarm Sun 17-Aug-14 21:32:34

I'm with your friend, I think. I wouldn't want to share my time with you with anyone else.

Acolyte Sun 17-Aug-14 21:32:41

YABU

I too would probably pull out in those circumstances. I'd be travelling 400 miles to see my mate, not her sister!

scarletforya Sun 17-Aug-14 21:32:52

I have to admit I hate when people double book me, especially without telling me. Someone I know she's this constantly and I just stopped bothering with her.

NameChanged1967 Sun 17-Aug-14 21:33:53

I agree with your friend, assuming you've only just told her about your sister.

I also enjoy one-to-one time with my friends.

GoEasyPudding Sun 17-Aug-14 21:33:54

I'm guessing she perhaps didn't want to spend her time making small talk with someone she doesn't know that well?

I went to a relatives house recently for a rare catch up and she had invited a couple I don't know. There was lots of polite, boring conversation and I felt I had had as much fun as I would have done if I had being talking to a stranger at a bus stop.

I'm not aware of any problems between them - its difficult to explain but my sisters & I visit each other a lot so its not a big deal for one of them to be here. I told her today cause my sister confirmed her train.

BringMeSunshine2014 Sun 17-Aug-14 21:34:42

Just because you didn't see it might be an issue doesn't mean it's not for your friend. I'm sorry you're disappointed, but you are the one who has changed the plans. I'd have been upset you'd invited your sister at the same time, it would make me feel like you didn't want to do this as much as I did - I'd probably have postponed the trip as well. No matter how well you get on with someone else, it does change the dynamic.

PerkyBoots Sun 17-Aug-14 21:34:45

When did you tell her your sister would be staying too?

YANBU if it was back in June when you arranged the visit.

Deliaskis Sun 17-Aug-14 21:34:55

I'm also with your friend, and would be a little miffed at you for the change of plans with very little notice. It does change the dynamic of the weekend I think.

FatewiththeLeadPiping Sun 17-Aug-14 21:35:47

Yes, I would definitely prefer to see a friend one on one, especially after so many miles.

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