to not want to pay for someone's meal on my birthday

(139 Posts)
mommy2ash Sun 17-Aug-14 00:37:25

I will begin with saying I am a bit precious about my birthday even though that's a bit frowned upon here. I also go out of my way for my friends on theirs.

ok so a friend of mine has had a birthday a few weeks ago. there was two nights out and a meal. I went to one of the nights out. next month we will also be going away for the weekend to celebrate the birthday again which was quite expensive.

it will be my birthday this week and another friend who missed the nights out a few weeks back wanted to go out for a meal to celebrate the birthday again. the night she organised Will be my birthday. it didn't initially bother me I saw the funny side of it and said I would go. there will be four of us.

I then get an email saying I know it's your birthday but really it's the other friends night so we will split the cost of the table by three. it again wouldn't have bothered me much if it were a set meal but I eat very lightly usually a salad and I don't drink. they usually get three course meals and bottles of wine and cocktails. I have no idea how much all of this is supposed to cost and I'm trying to have a night out for my own birthday and I really can't afford it. the favour won't be returned for my birthday im only having a few drinks at mine which supply and a night out in town which I pay my own way for.

the other two going have already celebrated this friends birthday and will be going on the weekend away so I feel if the friend who missed it wanted to treat her she should pay for her meal herself and not drag us into it.

I'm not going to bring up the cost or anything as that would be awkward would I be unreasonable to say I can't get a babysitter and back out?

inmyshoos Sun 17-Aug-14 00:41:51

I wouldn't go. All sounds a bit of a big fuss over someone elses birthday but no fuss for you. Use the babysitter excuse.

Bouttimeforwine Sun 17-Aug-14 00:42:47

sounds unfair to me. I don't blame you for wanting to back out.

wafflyversatile Sun 17-Aug-14 00:42:51

Can't you speak to the other two? If not, yes, back out. What an odd arrangement and what a fuss to make about someone's birthday that they need 5 celebrations with mostly the same people each time and to take over someone else's birthday.

DiaDuit Sun 17-Aug-14 00:44:48

Oh i wouldnt go at all! How many sodding meals and celebrations does one birthday need? hmm friend who missed the other stuff is a bit cheeky asking those of you who have already coughed up to pay more just so she can 'do the birthday meal' thing. I would have given her a really baffled look when she suggested i went on another meal for birthday friend and asked her if she'd taken a knock to the head.

Chiana Sun 17-Aug-14 00:45:43

Just don't go.

Say no. It all sounds ridiculously unbalanced. So just say you can't make it.

mommy2ash Sun 17-Aug-14 00:48:42

the other two are really lovely but I would feel very awkward bringing it up. I didn't mind going out on my birthday to celebrate someone else but adding huge expense tipped me over the edge especially when I can't budget for it as my share depends on what everyone else orders. I had a quick look at the menu what I would eat would come to can't 15 pound. their food could be up to 40 pound and cocktails are 10 pound each a bottle of wine hi 20. that all starts to add up really fast. I could end up paying 50 pound for a salad on my birthday lol

Only1scoop Sun 17-Aug-14 00:49:40

What an extremely odd and awful plan for your birthday. Your friend sounds weird to ask you to pay for others and yourself on your own birthday

AlleyCat11 Sun 17-Aug-14 00:50:50

Can't understand why that night isn't your birthday celebration? The point is that you all get together & have fun, no... Your friend is hogging the birthdays. And taking advantage of being treated. Why are the other friends agreeing to all of this? I would find it hurtful, never mind the money.

Only1scoop Sun 17-Aug-14 00:51:37

And to be honest if you barely eat but a salad and don't even have a few cocktails watching the bill would become tedious anyway.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Sun 17-Aug-14 00:53:11

Goodness me, how many birthday celebrations does that one friend need? 2 nights out, a meal and a weekend away already organised, and now they want to book another meal for the same person on your birthday?!
That is overkill!
I think if they want to do the birthday treat on your birthday they should have made it a joint celebration at the very least. Everyone should pay their own way or sub both birthday girls, not expect one to pay and one not to.
Is the other birthday girl getting all the other meals and nights out free?
YANBU to be unavailable to go now. I think it is mean of the person who emailed you to expect you to pay not only for yourself but also a shore of their bill on your official birthday.

mommy2ash Sun 17-Aug-14 00:53:56

the girl whose birthday it is is genuinely lovely. I doubt she knows this other friend is planning on us paying. when I was invited it was just a night out nothing more was said. I've my own low key night planned a few nights later. I won't be having anything paid for for me.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 17-Aug-14 00:54:08

Is there a need for a person to celebrate their birthday so many times. I would make my excuses and do something nice for your birthday

Higheredserf Sun 17-Aug-14 00:54:19

I'm not precious about my birthday at all but this is ridiculous.

Just back out graciously.

Only1scoop Sun 17-Aug-14 00:56:28

How indulgent to have a weekend away and two nights celebrating.... Sounds a bit bonkers really.

Think I'd probably decline....

EverythingCounts Sun 17-Aug-14 00:57:34

Yes, make an excuse and don't go. You will sit there the whole night of your birthday feeling annoyed about it and I wouldn't blame you.

cithkadston Sun 17-Aug-14 01:33:10

I wouldn't go. Decline and then spend your birthday doing something nice with other friends or family.

SavoyCabbage Sun 17-Aug-14 01:39:40

Unless the friend is 100, Yabu. I wouldn't go.

Snapespotions Sun 17-Aug-14 01:45:52

Sounds crazy! Is it a major milestone birthday for your other friend? Why is everyone making do much fuss? confused

Tikimon Sun 17-Aug-14 01:56:50

Yeah, why is her birthday important, but not yours? hmm

These don't sound like good friends.

mommy2ash Sun 17-Aug-14 02:12:13

it was my friends 30th and I don't begrudge her celebrating it at all but I can't keep shelling out for it.

musicalendorphins2 Sun 17-Aug-14 03:28:30

You can't make it, no sitter, sounds like a good out for you. I would treat you if I were there, but allow me to present you with a birthday bouquet. flowers
Hope you enjoy your day!

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sun 17-Aug-14 07:05:52

The other friend would need to be 30 and the Queen to make this reasonable. YANBU.

jaynebxl Sun 17-Aug-14 07:13:45

I would be honest and say that while you don't mind celebrating someone else's birthday on your birthday it feels funny to pay for them and you really can't afford to spend a lot on another celebration for someone else when you would quite like to do something for yourself on your day.

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