to be wary of women who 'don't get on with other women'?

(220 Posts)
TheAwfulDaughter Sat 16-Aug-14 00:45:32

I saw a status yesterday on FB from someone who had started a new job whining about how female-dominated her new office was and how she didn't get on with women (ahem, hope she deletes that before she adds her new colleagues). It got me thinking that I have met a loads of these characters who have made these kind of statements before and I am sure I will meet a lot more.

Firstly, I'm not slating anyone for having a lot of male friends. I have plenty myself and I know that it's unavoidable in some circumstances if your workplace or hobby is full of blokes.

What I do find jarring are women who openly announce that they don't get on with women because women are 'bitchy' and men aren't like that and they just simply aren't like other women confused It just turns me off someone right away, and makes me think that I should not trust them.

I don't know why it irks me so. It makes me think, WHAT'S WRONG WITH OTHER WOMEN? It sad as it just reeks of self-loathing and patriarchal brainwashing. Not all women are bitches; some are, obviously, some not. Some men talk behind each others backs. Whether someone is 'bitchy' or not is ruled by their personality, not what they have between their legs. Not all women want to talk about rose wine and Shellac either, so why would you dismiss an entire gender because you are into cool man things?

What do you think; have you met anyone like this before?

TheSarcasticFringehead Sat 16-Aug-14 00:50:36

I agree. How can you just say you don't like half the population? You take people as they come. Women aren't usually bitchy or bossy or whatever other sexist words used to describe us, the same way you couldn't say men are, I don't know, stubborn and selfish. Horrible or annoying people are horrible or annoying people irrespective of gender.

One of my cousins is like this. 'Oh, I'm just one of the boys, I'm not into all the girly stuff. I just get on with men so much better. No backstabbing gossip.' That sort of stuff. Gets on my nerves. I don't know if she realises that she's a woman....and she doesn't have some unique male characteristic which makers her so different to or nicer than other women.

WorraLiberty Sat 16-Aug-14 00:54:27

I think in the context of work, I would be a little more understanding of what your FB friend is saying.

My DH works in a very heavily male dominated job and the general chit chat and misogynistic opinions/banter, often winds him up and makes him roll his eyes.

He's said time and time again, that he finds lots of his male colleagues to be more bitchy than his female ones on the whole.

Therefore, I don't think she's dismissing an entire gender...just giving her experience of women she's had to work with maybe?

Eeyore86 Sat 16-Aug-14 00:59:05

I tend to get on better with men, for me it goes back to school days where half the girls were very bitchy and I really couldn't be bothered with the drama, I was very much into what most of the girls saw as male sports (ice hockey, American football) so fitted in with the lads more.

That pattern continued to an extent when I went to uni however I now work in a job whereby women outnumber men 6-1 and it isn't a problem I have some wonderful female friends at work (not to mention a few very close female friends none work related)

I've never not liked/got on with people on the basis of their gender it's always come down to behaviour/personality.

One woman I did work with did announce she hated other women (that was an interesting day in the office) but I think with her it came down to she didn't really like other people that much as she struggled to get on with anyone at work regardless of gender but the organisation was heavily female and she did state she saw women as a threat (not sure why she never really was able to explain certainly not work related threat)

MrsWinnibago Sat 16-Aug-14 01:00:10

I get on better with men. I'm probably on the Autistic spectrum. Sorry.

TheIncredibleBookEatingManchot Sat 16-Aug-14 01:02:13

I remember reading once that women who say all women are bitches are usually generalising from themselves.

A friend of a friend is one of those women (apparently all the guests at her hen do were male) and she comes across as being very self-centred and patronising. But I don't know her very well as she avoids female company as much as possible.

mommy2ash Sat 16-Aug-14 01:02:32

to be honest the only women I have heard say that had no female friends for a reason. the guys hung around them as they were anybody's and girls didn't like them as they slept with or behaved inappropriately with other girls boyfriends.

I'm not saying that is the only reason for it but it's one I've encountered.

MrsWinnibago Sat 16-Aug-14 01:04:48

Well that's a bunch of bullshit if I ever heard one Mommy2Ash

thecageisfull Sat 16-Aug-14 01:07:18

I think there is often 'cool girl feminism' at work in these situations.

TheAwfulDaughter Sat 16-Aug-14 01:08:06

Worra Perhaps if it was something like... 'all the women in the office are chatting about eyebrow shaping, don't think I'll be fitting in here...' but it was 'It was stupid to apply for a job in an office full of women, I don't get on with them!'

TheAwfulDaughter Sat 16-Aug-14 01:16:06

MrsWin What are you apologising for?

I don't really get what this has to do with my AIBU. You get on better with men, cool. There's been times in my life when I've preferred the company of males, then times where I have appreciated my ladies more- but this has been down to their individual personalities rather than their parts. I'm not saying we should automatically get on with those who have the same genitals as us.

Unless you get on better with men because women are all bitches and you aren't like them, my thread isn't aimed at you. smile

jackydanny Sat 16-Aug-14 01:19:05

Some do it to keep men sweet I think.
Stick with the winners.
They base their identity around it somewhat.

Yeah, it stinks.
The last paragraph of the OP sums it up.

Divide and rule.
Men say 'bro' all the time...if you say 'sis' or sisterhood, you get a baffled look.

MummyBeerest Sat 16-Aug-14 01:22:29

I get along best with myself.

No bitchy drama or pervert misogyny.

Andallmyhopeisgone Sat 16-Aug-14 01:25:28

I think that women who say this are usually a bit... I dunno... naive? Is she very young?

TheAwfulDaughter Sat 16-Aug-14 01:27:05

She's late 30s.

Have heard similar from women 15-50.

FreeSpiritsBadAttitude Sat 16-Aug-14 01:29:24

I agree with jackydanny, nail on head I reckon.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Sat 16-Aug-14 01:30:24

YANBU, although I do recognise the exasperation of continually dealing with some women in a working environment who seem hell-bent on single handedly setting the feminist movement back 50 years, possibly without even realising it, or who judge/distrust other women because they're not into nails/handbags/eyebrows etc. But yeah, that's not the same as openly denouncing your entire gender.

mommy2ash what rubbish. Those men would have been quite capable of controlling their own penises/conversations, there's no point at being mad at the women they cheat with, be mad at the idiot men who cheat.

slithytove Sat 16-Aug-14 01:33:55

I like women and men.

does this make me bi?

ADHDNoodles Sat 16-Aug-14 01:34:56

I don't get along with women either. But I do have a few female friends that are just amazing.

Men are more direct, say what they mean, and I have yet to have a man give me unsolicited parenting advice.

Women have more subtle social rules that frustrate me. Think about how genders are raised. Girls are taught to be nice, and so hide aggression in stupid passive aggressive games or beat around the bush. Boys are encouraged to be direct, and generally will say exactly what they mean.

In before snowflake avalanche, yes there are exceptions to the rules. But in general, that's how it is. I've known bitchy men that gossip, whine, and are passive aggressive little shits. I also know women that are direct, blunt, and mean what they say (which is why we're friends).

So when I say I don't get along with women, in general I don't. But I still give each woman and man a fair chance upon meeting them.

FreeSpiritsBadAttitude Sat 16-Aug-14 01:39:37

"I don't get along with women either. But I do have a few female friends that are just amazing."

So you DO get along with some women? Me too! I can talk to anyone but I only have a few friends of each gender. My choice.

I don't think that proves anything?

Andallmyhopeisgone Sat 16-Aug-14 01:42:25

It's a very simplistic view to take. And it's stereotyping.

ADHDNoodles Sat 16-Aug-14 01:46:46

So you DO get along with some women? Me too! I can talk to anyone but I only have a few friends of each gender. My choice.

"So when I say I don't get along with women, in general I don't. But I still give each woman and man a fair chance upon meeting them."

Good reading comprehension there slick.

SallyMcgally Sat 16-Aug-14 01:54:35

My mother hates women - I find it baffling. She thinks they're much bitchier than men. She hates teachers and nurses, probably because there are a lot of women in these professions. She has a particular and inexplicable hatred of Cherie Blair.

ThingsWillGetBetterInTime Sat 16-Aug-14 01:57:31

Yabu

I am more wary of women who say they are wary of women who 'don't get on with other women'

Don't pre-judge. People are individuals.

SallyMcgally Sat 16-Aug-14 01:57:36

Sadly for my poor DM my sister and I work in education, DSIL is a nurse, my husband is an ex- nurse and DSD is a nurse. Happy families.

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