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For detesting my SIL?(65 Posts)
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My SIL has been a complete handful from day one. She is a crazy narcissistic miserable selfish boozehag who thrives on drama and negativity. She comes from a very unstable family and has married into a very loving, close and warm family. But rather than be grateful at finally having some loving stability she can't help but bitch and moan about us and make snidey remarks and recently just make up lies about us all.
She keeps telling my brother she doesn't love him and can't be bothered to work at their marriage. They have two very young children together and he really wants things to work out between them because he loves her. But recently she has said terrible things about all of us. She's always been bitchy and every time she has put me down or insulted me I haven't responded so as to keep family bonds strong. But lately she has told my brother she doesn't like my relationship with my mum because we are so close, she thinks I'm superficial, she doesn't like me going to my parents house when they are visiting them because she doesn't want to 'share' their attention. She has said awful things about my parents and I am absolutely furious. I only know because my brother has sought advice/comfort from me and I haven't reacted so as not to break his confidence or cause further rows between them.
But by not having my right to reply and by feeling like a total doormat for several years already I am so so so so angry, I want to give her some home truths and for once have my say and tell her what a horrid spiteful liar she is. I'm angry she's hurting my brother and parents, I'm angry I can't do anything about it, I'm angry at the thought of her once again getting the upper hand over me because I 'can't' respond.
She is complete scum. She is a manipulative, heartless bully and I have given her so many chances I feel like an utter mug. She thinks she can talk to me any way she pleases and say disgusting things about me because she mistakes my loyalty and love for weakness.
So do I finally vent, have my say, strip her down a peg or two and feel an enormous sense of satisfaction at her finally being told what a fool she is. Or do I carry on sucking it up and getting a frickin stomach ulcer from all the rage I have swirling around? [OP edited by MNHQ]
Why is your brother telling you stuff? You don't want to hear it so tell him to stop
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She comes from a very unstable family and has married into a very loving, close and warm family
You might think that about your family but that might not be how others view them - just saying.
When i first started seeing DP he would always brag about how lovely and close his family are, they would do anything for anyone etc.
And in reality they just are not like that, they bitch about each other, slag each other off, fall out and huff with each other. They are not the loving family DP portrayed but as he was in the middle of it he never saw it.
Maybe some of the problems your SIL has with your family are caused by your family and are not all of her doing.
She comes from an unstable family. That probably explains a lot of why she is the way she is.
You say you are such a warm loving family yet you sound really quite nasty.
Yanbu for detesting her.
But I think ywbu if you tore her off a strip. Sadly your brother needs your support, and that trumps everything.
I'd be sorely tempted though
I think you should distance yourself and your brother should put down his big wooden spoon.
I don't like my SiL but I wouldn't ever get into a slanging match and name calling row with her.
It never ends well.
This is actually hilarious
Yes, she sounds as though she really has married into a 'very loving, close and warm family'....NOT!
You're hearing one side of the story only...from your brother.
Perhaps you need to take a step back?
Oh over the years I've been VILE.
Supported her, gone round in the middle of the night, taken her out when she's stuck inside tearing her hair out, buying her nice things, babysitting, talking through her worries with her, offering anything she needs, going to see her more often, advertising her fledgling business, organising her hen do when her chief BM fell out with her, asking her to be godmother, asking her to be my maid of honour, inviting her places, complimenting her, laughing at her jokes, standing there patiently while she embarrasses me.
I really am quite nasty
i just don't think you're reading what we're reading.
I don't think your op has done You any favours, for a start the word cretin is an offensive word that used to be used to describe someone with a disability. Hence the
Also pp have said your op sounds quite nasty and a little unhinged, although I get that it's because you're really pissed off.
I have been in a similar situation to you and really do understand your anger, it's is really frustrating.
I don't think there is much you can do other than put up a united front against any unreasonable confrontation and the snide remarks, if she is as bad a you say she is, you won't be the only person to have noticed.
I am not trying to be inflammatory but I think you would benefit from counselling. You sound very young.
I completely understand how you feel in your op and if I didn't know any better I'd have thought I'd wrote it myself. My sil is exactly the same also coming from a unstable family who love drama.
I have responded and I felt better for it but for the sake of my db and dn, despite all of the horrible things she's done, we have finally let it slide but she'd better realise this really is last chance ranch! If she fucks it up this time I will
kill her never forgive her. Its hard to try and act as though nothing has gone on in the past but atm we are all trying and its all we can do.
It will help you, in the short term, but hurt your brother, permanently.
This sounds very familiar - is your SIL on MN? There's another thread that sounds like your SIL complaining about your family!
You sound REALLY angry. I think you need to take a step back and ask your brother to stop telling you all this stuff.
Next time your brother is upset and confiding in you then refer him to mankind.org.uk/
Tell your brother that although you are sympathetic to his situation, it is really upsetting you when he tells you things his wife has said about you and your family. Ask him to stop telling. He could probably benefit from seeing a counsellor that specialises in relationship issues, either on his own or with his wife. He needs to talk this through with someone who is not personally involved.
I don't agree with other posters that you are 'nasty', as I don't really know the detail of what's going on.
However, I do think the tone of your posts are quite cross and often family situations like this bring out the rawest emotions.
Look after your brother and distance yourself from her if she makes you feel like this. Giving her a piece of your mind or tearing strips off her will only make you look bad and her the victim.
Ps. I didn't realise 'cretin' was that offensive, not something I've used before but have heard. you learn something new everyday!
Sorry but you might need to suck it up. Whatever you think of SIL, your brother picked her, so sorry but you're stuck with her. Think of your brother and his children. Perhaps offer to babysit, so that your brother and SIL can spend time together and hopefully mend their relationship.
Frankly I would be horrified if I found out that my husband talked about the ins and outs of our relationship to his sister. That stuff is best kept for people who are neutral, like a counsellor. Although I'm generally not a fan, this would be an appropriate use of one.
this is coming from someone who detests her SIL and BIL, both of whom are vile, but we don't live in each other's pockets, and I ask my siblings not to tell me horror stories if they ever try to
Well, your brother loves her yet moans and tells tales about what she says to him in private to you, who hates her. Maybe the manipulative one in this situation is your brother.
And 'cretin'? Not cool.
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