Quite willing to accept might be...it's got step mums in it too!

(77 Posts)
3stripesandout Wed 13-Aug-14 21:43:56

I have a song I've sung to the DC every night since they were babies (you are my sunshine) it accompanies scratchy back (like a stroke/tickle on their backs) all 3 of them have it in turn and it's their two minutes that is sacrosanct and not to be disturbed by the others just before sleep!

DD informed me tonight that this routine has been adopted by step mother/dads girlfriend.

AIBU to think I should be able to keep this just for myself?

ShoddyBoss Thu 14-Aug-14 19:03:23

grin SoftlySoftly

He looks just the part!

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey Thu 14-Aug-14 18:52:51

shoddy 'dave the queen'

Pyjamaramadrama Thu 14-Aug-14 18:34:01

And btw I sing you are my sunshine to ds, and tell Lego stories to ds about a little Lego man called Andy.

I know that he asks nanny to do this when he sleeps there. Mine are way better though.

Pyjamaramadrama Thu 14-Aug-14 18:30:54

Aw of course yanbu to feel like that.

But you're their mum, noone is going to replace you.

From an outsider pov, the more people who care about them the better.

The fact that your youngest asked her to do this probably means that she misses you, and I'd be more concerned if SM said no. At least she's trying and listening to them.

I'm probably the most RP biased person that there is, but I think that you should just leave it alone on this one.

JustALittleBitLost Thu 14-Aug-14 18:24:57

YANBU to feel pissed off. I am one of the least possessive mothers around and am very happy that DD has a loving relationship with her stepmother. But I'd be upset by this.

I don't think there's anything you can do though, without really rocking the boat and making things awkward. The step mother probably means well, and your DD did ask for it.

ShoddyBoss Thu 14-Aug-14 18:15:30

God Dave the queen has gotta sound soooo much better than "god save the queen" SoftlySoftly. grin

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey Thu 14-Aug-14 17:41:23

I rec the god Dave the queen anthem is really easy to sing quietly . I used to sing little donkey ha ha

ReputableBiscuit Thu 14-Aug-14 17:38:45

Nobody else intrigued by God Save The Queen as a lullaby then?

ReputableBiscuit Thu 14-Aug-14 10:41:02

Yes but the national anthem?!

needaholidaynow Thu 14-Aug-14 10:10:38

Thistle I think that's it. I think I would feel uncomfortable doing something that is unique to her and her mum. You've seen the OP's and other people's reactions on here to the SM in the OP's situation and I would hate for people to think I am overstepping the mark and that I am a bitch.

ThistleDoMeNicely Thu 14-Aug-14 09:42:16

Just out of interest needaholiday why wouldn't you do it? Do you think you would find it uncomfortable?

I'm honestly not sure if I would or not. They probably wouldn't want me to sing. My DD tells me to stop all the time when I'm going about singing screeching to the radio grin

Hellokittycat Thu 14-Aug-14 07:59:38

I can understand why you'd feel slightly put out but she obviously did it with good intention and you would be very unreasonable to put a stop to it. One of those times where you need to put the kids feelings before your own!
To those saying why doesn't the step mum just sing a different song...this is a small child here who has this particular song every bed time. It's like saying why not give the child a different soft toy instead of their own bedtime comforter as that's only for mummy's house. Surely the familiar settles the child in a different house, that's what it's for

needaholidaynow Thu 14-Aug-14 07:59:19

Oh and YANBU OP

needaholidaynow Thu 14-Aug-14 07:58:58

If dsd asked me to sing a song to her that she sings with her mum at bedtime, I'm sorry but i wouldn't actially want to. I'd have read a story instead.

ReputableBiscuit Thu 14-Aug-14 07:49:03

I'm sorry, but did someone upthread say they sing the National Anthem to their DC at bedtime?!

Mummytoagorgeouschops Thu 14-Aug-14 07:39:29

They probably asked her to do it and she genuinely doesn't realise that its your special thing.

Cut her a bit of slack

KoalaDownUnder Thu 14-Aug-14 06:00:15

YABU if you say anything about it. Your son asked, and she's just trying to be nice. I've been the stepmom, and it's bloody hard. You're constantly aware of not wanting to be cold to little children, but also not wanting to step on the real mother's toes.

If you say anything, you'll be putting your own feelings before your child's. Not cool.

YANBU for feeling the way you do. Just don't act on it.

googoodolly Thu 14-Aug-14 05:56:55

YANBU to feel upset, but they did ask for it. She's doing what they want and keeping to their routine, so YWBVU to ask her to stop.

fuzzpig Thu 14-Aug-14 05:51:07

I can see why you're upset, but your youngest did ask for it. They are a bit too young to really understand the significance of it just being YOUR thing, I think, whereas your eldest obviously feels stronger about it.
For all you know SM actually felt really uncomfortable doing it but only did it because she was asked. It would be very different if she had suggested it or did it unprompted I think.

It's really tricky. I don't know what I would've done in her shoes. I remember making up my own stuff with DSDs when they were little and stayed over (like I made up my own verses to round and round the garden with their names in!) but then their mum didn't have any rituals with them anyway as far as I can remember.

DH had one though and I didn't even copy that - it had started before we met when DH was still living with them (they'd already divorced but he still lived their for a while after) and it just felt wrong to try and share it.

I was very conscious not to try and be their mum and treading on toes. Eg when DSD asked me if she should call me mummy (when we got married) I said it was really lovely of her to want to, but it might hurt her own mummy's feelings. I've worked hard to just forge my own unique relationship with them and it's definitely paid off in terms of our bond now (been together nearly 12 years), and also having no issues between me and their mum:

steff13 Thu 14-Aug-14 05:30:17

I don't think you're being unreasonable for how you feel. Each of my kids has a song I used to sing to them when they were babies, and those were "our songs." I'd be sad if someone else sang my song with my baby.

But, I don't think you would be reasonable to say anything about it.

Cheeky76890 Thu 14-Aug-14 05:25:38

I think it's really nice she sings that to them.

gingercat2 Thu 14-Aug-14 04:02:20

I would hate it. But, I think you should let it be for the kids' sakes. It sounds like the nine year old already feels like it's a special thing with you. The younger kids maybe like it because it reminds them of you.

slithytove Thu 14-Aug-14 01:33:42

Oh dear.

SM hasn't done anything wrong.

I'd still be gutted though!

sucks being a mum sometimes, bloody emotional wreck that I am

OldLadyKnowsSomething Thu 14-Aug-14 01:32:38

I used to sing that same song to ds1 when he was a baby. I've just relistened to it, after many years, and the lyrics are a bit chilling...

I'll always love you and make you happy
If you will only say the same
But if you leave me to love another
You'll regret it all someday

Ooh, MIL issues.... grin

however Thu 14-Aug-14 01:13:02

I can see your point, but you'll just have st suck it up, I guess.

If I were the GF, I'd have compromised and sung something else.

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