To not know how to tell my children this?

(87 Posts)
Themomentbefore Wed 13-Aug-14 20:35:34

This will be short because I am in shock really. Probably AIBU not the best place for it but I know there will be a lot of traffic here and I am not sure where else it could go really.

I've name changed.

My ex H moved to Thailand a few years ago. He's always been quite involved with dc (as far as you can be from Thailand via Skype hmm)

Today he tells me he is remarrying. She is Thai and he freely tells me she is a "bar girl", that's how he met her, but hasn't been for long, so it's fine. Whatever that means.

I've three dc and they're not daft, the oldest is 13.

I don't even know where to begin with this.

EatShitDerek Wed 13-Aug-14 20:37:14

Can't he tell them through his slurping?

EatShitDerek Wed 13-Aug-14 20:37:29

Skyping**

flyingtrue Wed 13-Aug-14 20:38:09

Let him tell them, he can find the words.

BlueLaceAgate Wed 13-Aug-14 20:38:26

That was one puzzling response Derek...

MaidOfStars Wed 13-Aug-14 20:38:39

I am 37 and not clear what a 'bar girl' is. I'm assuming a prostitute and/or transgender female?

Are you sure they'll cop on?

AlpacaMyBags Wed 13-Aug-14 20:38:44

Best typo ever grin

I think their response will be determined by how you tell them. If you are matter of fact and positive (even if you don't feel that way) then they will pick up on that attitude.

Themomentbefore Wed 13-Aug-14 20:39:55

Oh that did make me grin. Thanks because I really needed to!

HumblePieMonster Wed 13-Aug-14 20:40:27

Interesting. Let him tell them. I hope you don't hold any property in common with him. If so, disentangle before he invests his assets in her name and loses them completely.

MrsCumbersnatch Wed 13-Aug-14 20:40:37

what do you mean? That shes a pro? Or a lady boy?

ADHDNoodles Wed 13-Aug-14 20:40:52

Someone wants to get out of Thailand. grin

Your exH is an idiot.

Thenapoleonofcrime Wed 13-Aug-14 20:40:57

Let him tell them.

If you feel the need to tell them, keep it factual 'your dad is getting married to a Thai lady, I don't know much about her' (you don't)

They have their whole lives to come to terms with the fact their dad is a flawed human being, no need to rush it.

Themomentbefore Wed 13-Aug-14 20:41:38

A pro.

No luckily completely disentangled and have been for a good few years.

BarbarianMum Wed 13-Aug-14 20:42:39

Just tell them he's getting married.

If he tells them she was a bar girl and its a problem, then you either lie and say its the same as a bar maid, or you could explain a bit about the exploitation of young women in developing countries and how they are forced into prostitution by poverty.

Or are you worried about what they'll think of him?

EatShitDerek Wed 13-Aug-14 20:42:41

I read bar girl as a girl who works behind a bar!

Is there another meaning? I'm shit at reading between the lines!

Applelicious Wed 13-Aug-14 20:44:33

I would leave it for him to tell them. As you say, their relationship is mainly through skype so I don't suppose it's something that will affect them all that much anyway in reality.

FantasticButtocks Wed 13-Aug-14 20:44:37

Sorry you're in shock brew

Telling you he is marrying a 'bar girl' seems unnecessary. Is he trying to goad you?

If he already lives in Thailand and only or mainly sees the dcs on Skype, I doubt him marrying again will make much difference to the dcs in their daily lives.

Yes, I agree, he should tell them on Skype.

Bakeoffcakes Wed 13-Aug-14 20:46:03

Just tell them he's remarrying.

I don't think you need to mention her profession.

ADHDNoodles Wed 13-Aug-14 20:46:06

Thai bar girls are prostitutes. They are notorious for trying to marry to get out of the country.

Themomentbefore Wed 13-Aug-14 20:46:45

I am worried about what they'll think of him, yes. I don't care who or what she is for myself but for my dc, I think they will find it tough. I know an adult whose father married a thai girl from a similar background not long after her mother died and she never got over it. Their relationship was fractured forever. It's hard enough for my dc them that he lives half way round the world, I don't want them to go through any more.

Themomentbefore Wed 13-Aug-14 20:47:54

Sorry I should have said, apparently he's going to be coming back to the UK a lot more on business now, so will see more of the dc.

EatShitDerek Wed 13-Aug-14 20:49:21

They don't need to know what she is and if she is marrying to get out of the country then she's doing it wrong seeing as he lives there.

All he has to say is 'I'm getting married'

BlueBrightBlue Wed 13-Aug-14 21:01:22
BlueBrightBlue Wed 13-Aug-14 21:01:56

Ah Mr Dudley lol!

Well if he moved to Thailand a while ago, is he moving back? - because presumably that will affect whether she's marrying him for a Visa, and whether he/she/they will have much to do with the DCs going forward?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now