I hate that my MIL has only photos of her with DD around her house and none of me!

(58 Posts)
Samedino Fri 08-Aug-14 19:42:53

I know I sound a little immature but it really gets on my nerves. She has never put up a photo of my DD with me, her mother, despite me giving her lots.

She only has photos of her cuddling and looking close with my DD, about 7 or 8 of them.

She does want to be like a mother to DD so yes there's background for me feeling so annoyed about it. But I hate this blatant 'display'. I hate the message it sends to my DD (aged 5). Like DGM is so much more important than mummy!!!

StrangeGlue Fri 08-Aug-14 19:44:49

Yeah my in laws (bil, mil, FIL) magically never seem to take a single photo with me in. Once I had dd my use to them was done. I understand.

PetulaGordino Fri 08-Aug-14 19:44:52

i don't think it says that at all confused

do you have other problems in your relationship with your mil that suggest she thinks that?

PittTheYounger Fri 08-Aug-14 19:44:53

oh fgs

StrangeGlue Fri 08-Aug-14 19:45:10

I understand you! Not them!

PetulaGordino Fri 08-Aug-14 19:45:23

sorry i missed the bit where you said she does other things that suggest that

Samedino Fri 08-Aug-14 19:46:20

Yes we do. She constantly overrides me and tries to take over with DD. She refers to her as her daughter and encourages DD to call her mummy.

hercules1 Fri 08-Aug-14 19:46:22

Eh? It wouldn't occur to me to be annoyed by this? How on earth does this send a message to your dd?

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 08-Aug-14 19:46:35

My grandparent didn't have photos of me with my parents at their houses. Photo albums yes, displayed no.

It was always photos of me alone (school ones etc) or with them.

They all got on really well then and still do, despite my parents divorcing 15 years ago.

Unless there is a history of you not getting on, I think yabu.

Echocave Fri 08-Aug-14 19:46:36

Oh OP, my MIL does this too. She has pics of the kids and her son holding them but none of me. Not a wedding photo or anything.
The first time I realised this (that she's not very interested in me), I was very offended and now it just makes me laugh. Although tbf, she doesn't want to be the dc's mum - she just doesn't want my mug up round the house.
I've stopped worrying about it now. We get on ok and I don't have any pics of her around my house either!

DiaDuit Fri 08-Aug-14 19:46:42

No it doesnt give that message at all! Its giving the message that your DD is very important to her gran. So important that gran wants to see photos of her every day. You are being silly. Put pictures up in your house of you and DD.

PetulaGordino Fri 08-Aug-14 19:47:15

well in that case that's the problem, the photos are just a symptom rather than a problem in their own right

i'm pretty sure my dp's parents have not one single photo of me in their house and we've been together 10 years. mind you, i'm not the mother of their grandchild

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 08-Aug-14 19:47:37

She tries to get your daughter to call her mummy? Erm...does your DH know this? What has he said? Is she a very young grandmother?

That's by far weirder than not having photos of you in the house, in my opinion.

hercules1 Fri 08-Aug-14 19:47:50

I find it hard to believe that she tries to get dd to call her mummy. Surely you simply said the first time she did it, no.

Sootgremlin Fri 08-Aug-14 19:48:34

My mil replaced mine and DH's wedding photo with a picture of DH and his brother with our son. Like they were the parents.

I had a family picture framed and gift wrapped and presented it to her, I said to DH if that doesn't get me back on the mantelpiece, nothing will!

So, feel your pain, but it is her house and there's not much you can do. It is sad when a relationship is not what you would like, but try not to let it affect you. You will always be number one with your dd and whatever pictures granny chooses to have up won't change that.

DiaDuit Fri 08-Aug-14 19:48:35

Ah! Massive xpost (and dripfeed) well if shes getting her to call her mummy then she's well out of line. Have a firm word. Tell her straight it's not on and she's not to do it.

uptheauntie Fri 08-Aug-14 19:49:15

I do understand and my MIL only has 2 photos up in her entire house and they are both of DDs - PIL are in one of them. But get this, I noticed she only ever puts up photos of DD where she is wearing clothes that MIL bought her!!

Do you have any photos of MIL up in your house?

Brices Fri 08-Aug-14 19:49:26

It's her house!!
At my MIL not one picture of grandchildren, mind you none of her son either. And yet the walls covered with her and other family. Sits really uncomfortably with me but they are her walls smile

fluffyraggies Fri 08-Aug-14 19:49:40

Call her mummy?! That's more of an issue than the photo thing.

What have you done about that so far?

Samedino Fri 08-Aug-14 19:50:08

Well they are all so large, huge blown up images of them together. The ground floor of her house is dominated by them.

The family photos of me with DH and DC are all displayed in spare bedroom.

Brices Fri 08-Aug-14 19:50:37

Good question aunty, lead by example eh?

Sootgremlin Fri 08-Aug-14 19:50:51

As for the mummy thing, tell her no!

PetulaGordino Fri 08-Aug-14 19:51:12

so she has got pictures of you on display confused

Littlefish Fri 08-Aug-14 19:51:20

I don't think it gives the message that she is more important than you. To be honest, I wouldn't expect my PIL to have a photo of me in their house (except possibly a wedding photo), but would expect there to be photos of dd with them, or with their son (dd's dad).

However, the expecting your dd to call MIL "mummy", and your MIL referring to her as her own daughter is just absolutely wrong and needs to be dealt with in the strongest possible terms, first by your dh and then by you.

Has your dh talked to them about this?

BeckyBusto Fri 08-Aug-14 19:51:23

This is not about the photos. It's about your MIL's freaky 'call me mummy' behaviour with your dd, and your concern (i am guessing) she is trying to get between you and dd.

Next time you're there, draw mad moustaches and fangs and horns on the photos of MIL. Or just imagine doing it, you'll feel better.

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