my daughter hates her name Sophia as too common and wants to change it

(163 Posts)
wills1939 Fri 08-Aug-14 19:08:58

Hi

My daughter is five years old and wants to change her name. She hates her name because everyone is called Sophia. she has a point but I didn't call her It because was popular but because it was my grandmother's name. I understand why she hates it. There are three in her class, two In her swimming class, one newly born cousin and my my friend's dog.

She has already started telling everyone her name Is Margaret (her middle name after my other grandmother). When I told her that I loved her name etc and it suited her, she cried and told me that she was fed up of being the same as everyone else and would rather an ugly name than a pretty, boring one.

At the moment, I have refused. Am I being unreasonable? She us nit a drama queen or anything. generally she us a really good girl she us just really upset about being called Sophia. But I really loved my nan.

wills1939 Fri 08-Aug-14 19:12:01

Dies anyone else have the same problem? really need help. There are a many Sophia andsofias. as well as sophies and sofis. I feel I really I have let her down ...

Fingerbobs Fri 08-Aug-14 19:15:18

If I'm honest, YABU. This is about her, not you, and how you felt about your nan shouldn't be making her miserable - do you think your nan would have wanted that? Why don't you think about some short names for Margaret - Meg, Peggy, Daisy, Maggie, Rita (at a stretch) - and agree between you which you both like?

ADHDNoodles Fri 08-Aug-14 19:15:33

She's 5. That's hardly old enough to choose an identity for herself.

Sophia it is.

Though, having girls in my class that had the same name, I went by a shortened version of my name while the other went by the full. Everyone got it except the teacher. He would say the full name and she would respond, and I would ignore because I thought he was talking to her.

Anyway, I can see how it would be frustrating to be called Sophia -Last initial-. But she'll figure out a creative nickname for herself.

My DH and best friend have the same name. They go by their race, then name. So his friend is "Black -name-", my husband is "Asian -name-".

PenelopePitstops Fri 08-Aug-14 19:16:02

Why not try it unofficially for a while?

If she really hates it then it can be formally changed later.

LadyLuck81 Fri 08-Aug-14 19:17:01

She's only five sonic wouldn't be looking to permanently change her name. But if it were my daughter I'd let her use the middle name I'd given her if that made her happier.

I was given the most popular bane of the time I grew up and I've several friends with the sane name and there were several more of us in my year on school. It was frustrating as a kid but now I'm older it's nowhere near as bad.

WeirdCatLady Fri 08-Aug-14 19:17:08

I don't think Sophia is common, it sounds lovely. But....maybe she could use Margaret as a nickname? Or come up with another nickname?
I'm sure when she gets older she will appreciate her lovely name, try not to take it personally (difficult, I know)

guitarosauras Fri 08-Aug-14 19:17:32

she's five.

WeirdCatLady Fri 08-Aug-14 19:17:52

How about FiFi?

TheAwfulDaughter Fri 08-Aug-14 19:19:20

She sounds like an eloquent, strong willed little girl.

I would call her Margaret, she may grow out of it- she may not.

I think Margaret is seriously cool though.

TheAwfulDaughter Fri 08-Aug-14 19:20:24

And you don't have to do anything LEGALLY, but I'd call her Margaret and ask her teachers to if it made her happy smile

There are tons of versions of Sophia and Margaret, let her pick,one and use it as an everyday nickname.

Maggie
Margery
Marge
Mags
Sophie
Fi
Phia

TensionWheelsCoolHeels Fri 08-Aug-14 19:21:50

I have v similar issues with my 9 yr old DD. She's been wanting to change her (lovely) name for years. Only problem is, she changes her mind every couple of months as to what she wants. Current favourite is Alice. It's been Jessie, Sherrie, Caramelita (!), and numerous others I've long forgotten. She was named (partly) after my god mum who died before she was born, & she suits her name perfectly.

We recently had a chat about her not liking her name, I went through something similar when younger but ultimately my name is my name, and I've gotten used to it by now. I also said that had I agreed to her changes, we'd all be confused about who she was now. And I've also told her that if she still feels strongly enough when she's an adult she can change her name if she still wants to (although god knows what she'll like by then). But, she'll always be the name she was given, to me.

It's worked (for now) but who knows when the subject will come up againgrin

BookABooSue Fri 08-Aug-14 19:21:56

Oh try not to take it to heart.

DS is the same age and he goes through regular phases when he wants to change his name. His name isn't common, he just doesn't particularly like it. We either have a conversation about what he could change it to (with a mix of serious and outrageous suggestions) and we'll call him one of them for about a day or however long it takes him to say 'that's not my name!'

The other approach that has worked quite well was telling him there was a famous poet with the same name and finding out about him. Maybe you can tell your DD lots of stories about your grandmother or find some poineering Sophias so she understands how special Sophias can be?

Primrose123 Fri 08-Aug-14 19:22:39

I think Sophia is a lovely name.

I would call her Margaret for now if it makes her happy. She can always change her mind again.

enriquetheringbearinglizard Fri 08-Aug-14 19:22:56

Stay calm Wills.

My daughter had a long period of insisting we call her Sarah.
When we chose her actual name it was after my great great aunt. It's a classical name and yet it soon after went on to become the top name in the UK for many years, which wasn't what we'd intended.

In the end it doesn't matter all that much as everyone calls her by her nickname which has nothing to do with her given name anyway.

SmallBee Fri 08-Aug-14 19:23:07

I think I went through the opposite at this age, I had an undid all name & was desperate to be like the other girls. I asked my Mum if I could be called Kelly!
I grew out of it & love my name, hopefully she will too.
Could you spend a bit of time telling her about your Nan & why you love her so much so she has a better understanding?

Yama Fri 08-Aug-14 19:23:33

My Mum was younger than your dd when she decided that she hated her first name. She has since been known by her middle name. At the age of 67 she will tear anyone to shreds who utters her original first name.

Please don't underestimate the strength of feeling that your daughter may have.

MrsChickPea Fri 08-Aug-14 19:23:35

If I'd had a girl I'd have called her Sophia (also because of nan)! I don't know any other Sophia's... one or two Sophie's perhaps.
I think you should let her change her name 'unofficially' to Margaret (it's a lovely old-fashioned name - don't suppose she knows any others!). See how it goes. I think you should be proud she wants to be individual and not the same as everyone else. I think it'll be hard for you all to remember though!

LokiBear Fri 08-Aug-14 19:23:51

I know loads of people who go by their middle names. No need to change it officially, just use it and see if it sticks x

SmallBee Fri 08-Aug-14 19:24:15

Undid all? Unusual!

ancientbuchanan Fri 08-Aug-14 19:24:35

Our son went through a period of hating his name and saying he wanted to be called Sam.

I said that he could change his name when he was older but he was Buchanan for now.

Could she be Sophia ( btw is she Sopheeya or SophIa) -Margaret? That's pretty and differentiates her. Would not be unusual elsewhere to put the two together.

Or call her Zosha, Polish version?

stilllearnin Fri 08-Aug-14 19:26:01

I have posted about this before my daughter was 6 and I'm glad we let her change it. Her original name rhymed with something mean (as does her chosen name as it happens but she is unlikely to be called that!).

You do not have to officially do anything ( she doesn't need anything official in her new name at her age does she - she'll have to accept that passports etc are in her original name). So you can just start calling her by the new name and tell school etc. honestly my dd's school and club leaders were great nobody batted an eyelid and it was a completely different name too!

We have never looked back. I would say 5 is not too young for her to choose but you do have the final say- you could try a compromise abbreviation or help her deal with her upset. Good luck

Bothofyou Fri 08-Aug-14 19:26:04

I would offer adaptations of Sophia, such as Fifi, fee, phia. I would struggle to call my dd by a new name on her whim, she is also 5.

Hakluyt Fri 08-Aug-14 19:26:12

If she wants to be called Margaret then why not just let her. Whoever said that 5 isn't old enough to have their own identity has obviously never met a 5 year old!

Sophia is a lovely name and once she's old enough you can explain the significance. Until then, just let her be Margaret. Which is a gorgeous name anyway!

For what it's worth my dd spent a long time as Christina at about the same age. She was also quite insistent that she was a mouse............

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