... to delay TTC for my dream job?

[Crumbelina]

DH and I have been TTC number 1 for 13 months now with no luck. A recent scan revealed potential Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, but all my blood tests are fine and I'm due to have a HSG (which checks for fallopian tube blockages) next week. I'm 36 years old (as of 3 months ago) and I'm due to see a fertility specialist in a few weeks. In all likelihood, I’ll be put on fertility drugs in the next month or so, e.g. metformin, the HSG is supposed to really help 'clear things out' and fingers crossed for a much wanted pregnancy.

My problem is that I hate my current job (a real culture of 'who can work the longest hours') and I've just seen an advert for an amazing job that I’d love to go for. It’s for a government department in a very similar role and to cut a long story short, I think I’d have a very good chance of getting it. My big worry is that if I apply for it and don’t take a break from TTC then Sod’s Law will mean that I could be starting the role when pregnant (possibly). The interviewing process is likely to take 1-2 months and then I may be forced to work 2-3 months’ notice for my current employers. With this in mind, I’m thinking that maybe my DH and I should put TTC on hold to see if I get this job and then resume TTC in 3-6 months?

Part of thinks believes I have to think of my long-term happiness and well-being, as my current job is a nightmare and will be even harder to juggle with a child. That said, I’m so scared of putting things on hold (even for a few months) as I've been completely focused on getting pregnant up until now. Temperature charting, fertility monitors, stupid horse pill sized vitamin tablets – you name it, I’m doing it.

Morally I think I’d be ok with starting a job in the knowledge that I want to get pregnant because I’d have every intention of going back to work (the amount we owe on the mortgage will be strong motivation!) and I’d be very committed to the job long-term. My DH has a decent job and we could survive (just) about on basic maternity pay.

I guess my question is: how long would you be prepared to delay things at 36 when it’s already been a year of TTC? Don’t stop trying: and potentially risk starting a new job in the first trimester with tiredness/sickness, plus hiding a pregnancy in a probation period? Or wait 3-6 months: and risk never getting that big fat positive? I really need some advice as I can’t concentrate on much at the moment and it’s really upsetting me. The stress of my current work, TTC and not being able to confide in anyone probably doesn't help! I'm also worried that the fertility consultant will think I'm a time waster.

Oh and I do realise that IABVU in thinking that A) I’ll magically get this dream job and B) it’ll suddenly get pregnant right away! I’ll probably end up failing the maths test or something. Sorry this is long – I didn't realise I had so much to waffle on about.

[FinnsMum19]

I would apply for the dream job, but I wouldn't stop TTC either. It could take a few more months before you get your BFP, and you could be nicely settled in your new job by then! Or it could happen next month, and you'll just have to wear baggy work clothes for a while. I think we put our whole life on hold while ttc sometimes and it shouldn't have to be that way. Carry on with your life as you normally would, apply for the job and keep trying for your baby x

[Janek]

I agree with finnsmum.

[LePetitPont]

Agree with both of the above. I went through a similar thing - there is no guarantee when the bfp will arrive, and - after much contemplation - I decided not to put ttc above everything else.

I did get an internal promotion in the end, weeks 1 - 12 coincided with a massive and intensive piece of work. Not ideal but helped me take my mind off feing so ropey!

Good luck for both a bfp and the dream job.

[Lally112]

Work out what you want the most. Like you said, you may not get either but is there one you could live without getting at all? What does your other half think? It sort of depends what suits you and your relationship best but I wouldn't put it off with the potential for requiring added fertility measures.

I have PCOS, and conceived my first two easily (accidentally) but I was 17 and 19, had to have laparoscopic ovarian drilling for pregnancy 3 and after 7 years despite DH and I never using protection no PG number 4.

[Imsuchamess]

I would apply for job and continue ttc.

[WhyOWhyWouldYou]

I would apply for jobb and keep ttc.

I got a new job at 6months pregnant - i picked interview clothes that made me look more fat than pregnant. For me it was necessary id concieved first by a slip up whilst i was on a temporary contract. Dh had just qualified and getting a job meant moving quite away away and we could only get the mortgage on the house we wanted if i had more than a month left on a temporary contract (we could afford repayments just on dh wage but needed my income to vorrow enough).

My third pregnancy took 18months to get pregnant and we kept ttc when dh was told work would put him through a new qualification in 12months - its a very demanding qualification and would have been very difficult for him to have a newborn at home, work full time and do it but we just couldnt put ttc on hold (and im only early 20's).

[Crumbelina]

Thank you so much! I think continuing TTC is what I'm leaning towards as I'd be distraught if I never have children. DH said that he'll support either decision. He really wants kids but he knows how unhappy I am. I just worry that the employer could find a way to get rid of me if they did find out about a pregnancy in the probation period. Then again, are government departments more family friendly? I'm in the private sector at the moment.

I never felt old until I started TTC.

[Absofrigginlootly]

If it's a government organisation then they defo can't get rid of you just because of being pregnant - There are laws against this!

Don't put your life on hold for TTC....you just don't know how long it's going to take....or what sort of bumps in the road may lay ahead (no pun intended!!). Metformin takes a few months to build up to full effectiveness in your system anyway...

Good luck for you procedure, hope it goes ok. Make sure you have a list of questions prepared for your consultant review...you only get 15 mins with them, don't waste it!

[Petallic]

I started a temporary contract within the Public Sector whilst pregnant. I worked from 2 months to almost 9 months pregnant. My post was eventually advertised as a perm position whilst I was working there and I know if I had applied I would have got it (I didn't apply as we were relocating anyway). Don't let you being pregnant stop you from applying. Good luck!

[Heels99]

I wouldn't. Still go for the job but don't stop ttc. Unfortunately it can take a long time, took up 5 years although different fertility issues andfertility treatment doesn't move that quickly. Good luck with both

[Absofrigginlootly]

Btw...fertility monitors (e.g. Ovulation stick etc) don't work if you have pcos - as people with pcos have high levels of LH anyway, so it won't detect the surge. And temperature monitoring is not recommended by NICE - there's not enough evidence to show that it tells you anything reliable.

I only say this because you said above that you are very stressed and finding it hard to concentrate on anything at the moment. If you can't face taking a break from TTC, then easing back on little things (if you feel intense about them) can make a difference. Also, try reading "a-z of bump and grind, when you're trying to get pregnant and sick of being told to relax" (or something along those lines!). Really made me feel better when we were TTC and finding things hard. :)

[Absofrigginlootly]

www.amazon.co.uk/Bump-Grind-Z-Survival-Pregnant/dp/1905410883?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

[CarmineRose1978]

I'm 36, and started a new job within same company the same week as I found out I was pregnant. We'd been trying for some time and I applied knowing it might happen. To be honest, I wouldn't recommend it. I've been pretty ill and have had to take quite a bit of time off - they have been very understanding, and no doubt it helps that I've been with the company for nearly five years all told, but I have felt pretty guilty about it. Especially since I've had pregnancy brain quite a lot and I don't feel like I've been able to make the impact on my new role that I would have done if I hadn't been pregnant. It's also been pretty awkward being introduced to clients as their new contact while obviously pregnant, and while they too have been lovely, you can see them thinking, "Why on earth has she been assigned to us when she's off on maternity leave in a few months?"

[CarmineRose1978]

So what I mean to say is... I wouldn't stop TTC but I'd rethink starting a new job in a different organisation.

[Phineyj]

You don't owe the new company anything at this stage and haven't even got the job - I'd say go ahead with both and let the chips fall where they may. If you get an interview, however, try to clear it from your mind as it might come across that you are holding something back. I changed jobs entirely (completely different field) while in between first and second IVF treatment and am now one year back at work post-baby and everything is fine.

[RainbowB7]

In your position I wouldn't stop ttc, personally. I would just carry on and also apply for the new job and just see what happens.

[Lambzig]

I agree, go for both. I took 10 years ttc before my BFP. I hope to heavens that doesn't happen to you or anyone else, but also so glad that I didn't put my life on hold all that time.

[Llareggub]

One thing you can do if you have PCOS is follow a low GI diet. I have it and conceived once with help (metformin and ovarian drilling) and once by accident.

I'd go for the job and forget the charting and just enjoy lots of sex :-)

Good luck!

[Crumbelina]

Thanks so much for the link Absofrigginlootly and for all the advice all. It's all so confusing! My LH and FSH are both 9 (which is 'fair') and them both being equal doesn't suggest PCOS. That said, my scan found 15 follicles on each ovary and something must be up if if I'm not getting a BFP.

CarmineRose: that's a problem. This job never usually comes up - it's a very specific role and I've been casually checking the department website for the last year or so to see if it would. I've already worked for the department (as a contractor) and I know how much I'd love it. If it was any other job I wouldn't go for it. I'd just carrying on with my current job hoping for a BFP and dreaming of a long maternity leave ...

[DeffoJeffo]

Definitely go for both! I found out I was pregnant (planned) 2 days before my interview for my job and had just had my 12 week scan by the time I started. They have been absolutely fab about it and I'm just about to go back after my maternity leave. They've let me come back part time and doing all the bits I love :)

They can't discriminate and "getting rid" of a pregnant employee looks pretty dodgy so they would avoid it at all costs! If you do get the job and a BFP you'll be entitled to maternity allowance too :)

[fflonkl]

I would go for the job and continue TTC. It took us 4 years of TTC-ing before I became pregnant. Not saying it'll take you that long, but if you put things on hold whilst you TTC there's no guarantee when you'll be pregnant, and meanwhile you'll still be in a job that you don't enjoy!

[Bue]

As someone in an extremely similar situation, I would say DO NOT STOP TTC! Worse things have happened than starting a job pregnant.

[pillowaddict]

I'm in same position as carminerose but in a new place entirely and I agree with some of what she's said re feeling crap affecting impact on early performance, however, I think that you need to go for whatever feels right. People have been v kind to me re acknowledging that mat leave is, in context, a very small period of time if you're in it for the long haul, and your life is made of more than just a job. There have Been, and will likely be in future, some awkward conversations and questions but I'm thick skinned enough to breeze over them and focus on the positive responses I get.

[Crumbelina]

DeffoJeffo, that's a lovely reassuring story - thank you. Did you not have a problem with sickness or tiredness?