to refer to my step grandchild, as my grandchild?

(105 Posts)
Flexibilityisquay Wed 06-Aug-14 20:57:58

I have two step grandchildren. I am finding every time I refer to them it is such a mouthful. I am wondering therefore whether people think it would be OK to just refer to them as my grandchildren?

I don't know if I am over thinking it. I know that referring to step children as your children is not on. I have never, and would never do this as they already have a perfectly good Mum. I am wondering though if it is such an issue in relation to the next generation, as it is perfectly possible to have several grandparents, and it is not trying to take over someone else 's place in the same way, if that makes sense? I'd be interested to know what anyone else thinks?

ikeaismylocal Wed 06-Aug-14 21:00:47

I would personally not mind at all and I'd be quite touched that the step parent wanted to be regarded as a grandparent.

I think you should talk to your step child about it and just check they don't mind.

Lifestooshorttosleep Wed 06-Aug-14 21:01:04

We refer to my dad's wife as "grandmother" to my daughter - it might not be technicslly correct but it's easier for sure and not an issue in our family

MuttonCadet Wed 06-Aug-14 21:02:18

I think it's fine, you're right "step" adds a bit of a mouthful.

goshhhhhh Wed 06-Aug-14 21:03:24

We had a grandad x & a grandad y. We never made any distinction & neither did grandad y. A child can never have too much live or be loved by too many people.

Babiecakes11 Wed 06-Aug-14 21:04:33

I was brought up by my mum and dad( refer to him as my dad but he is a step father) both have re married now and my bio dad is now in the picture and to us they are all my ds granparents I don't see the big deal as they are all very good granparents to him and my sisters children, we also refer to my step sisters as sisters.

whitsernam Wed 06-Aug-14 21:04:41

I had a step grandfather; we all called him "grandpa" and he treated us better than our "real" grandpa did. No problem. Everyone will probably relieved they don't have to explain why someone is a "step-" something all the time.

FatherSpodoKomodo Wed 06-Aug-14 21:04:45

YANBU. When my stepchildren have children they will be my grandchildren. I fully intend to have a granny/nanny name.

My MIL has step-grandchildren who came into the family when they were 10 and 8. They call her gran, she calls them her grandchildren.

Nanny0gg Wed 06-Aug-14 21:04:45

My DC called my step-mother (who, to be honest, I didn't regard as any kind of 'mother'), Grandma.

She was the only one they had and I have to say, was good to them.

I think it's fine.

IneedAwittierNickname Wed 06-Aug-14 21:04:50

My DC refer to my step mum as Nana and my step dad as Grandpa and they refer to them as grandchildren (interestingly neither of them refer to me as a step daughter let alone daughter as far as I know).

rugbychick Wed 06-Aug-14 21:07:08

I come at this from the reverse angle. 3 of my grandparents had died before I was born (2 prematurely, and one older, but still a little early). My remaining grandparent, paternal grandfather remarried a widow, with 2 children of her own. They married the year before I was born, and I'm the eldest grandchild of the blended families. My step grandmother, who I adored (she died in 2012, with my grandfather dying before her) I always saw as my grandmother. The step part never came into it. All the different family members worked on it to ensure it all worked well. Which it did. I know my cousins gaining a grandfather never saw him as a step, and the same for the 4 of us gaining the grandmother. So, I'd say drop the step. It sounds like you all get on well anyway

Hoppinggreen Wed 06-Aug-14 21:07:56

Both f my children's Grandads are our mums partners rather than pur fathers. However, both of our fathers are dead so I'm not sure if that makes a difference?
Having said that as my father was a narc and DH's was an alcoholic I doubt they would be allowed anywhere near the children if they were alive

Joysmum Wed 06-Aug-14 21:08:42

It depends on what they call you?

My step mum has always been 'nan' to my daughter but 'step mum' to me. So that's how she refers to herself in conversation.

ThistleDoMeNicely Wed 06-Aug-14 21:09:05

I had two Grandads and I guess technically two step grandads, one of the step was married to my Gran before I was born so he was just grandad to me. The other got together with my Gran when I was about 9 he was and still is just "first name"

My DD is the same 2 Grandads and a step Great Grandad and they are all Grandad to her.

I actually asked my Grans partner if it was ok for my DD to call him Grandad and he was thrilled.

I think it's lovely you view them as grandchildren and I'm sure your step child will think so too

Lambzig Wed 06-Aug-14 21:09:50

Absolutely.

My fathers lovely wife was never my mother, they got together when I was ten(never lived in the same house), but she is absolutely my children's grandmother.

Who are you worried about upsetting? My stepmother was so worried about treading on toes that she asked me my view on what her relationship with my first DC was as soon as they were born. I was able to reassure her, so perhaps an open conversation?

My two children have a step nan, shes always seemed like a mner to me! grin <potential waves at step mil>

They call her nan, I hope she feels comfortable to call them her grandsons. She's been 'nan' since they were born, imo its different to a step parent as they havent been around since birth

GilmoursPillow Wed 06-Aug-14 21:10:16

My MiL refers to my DD (DH's stepdaughter) as her granddaughter, same as DH/my DS and DN.

If the people are close it's nice to be able to drop the "step" part.

My Dad married three times ..all were/are lovely women.. so they became Granny, Nanny X and Y smile
The middle one divorced my dad (with good reason) over 15 years ago, but she is still OUR family and regards my kids as her grandchildren, just as we regard her as their Grandmother smile

We just have a larger pool of grandparents smile

MyGastIsFlabbered Wed 06-Aug-14 21:12:52

My step mother (dad met her when I was 16) is grandma to my boys, it never occurred to me for her to be anything else.

Namechangedforthisohyesidid Wed 06-Aug-14 21:13:19

Depends on relationship. For me, NO! But lots of history there.

ICanSeeTheSun Wed 06-Aug-14 21:14:35

DC called DH step father granddad. I wouldn't have it any other way.

EatDessertFirst Wed 06-Aug-14 21:17:16

My Dads wife was the OW that played a part in my parents divorce.

However, this was over 20 years ago so its water under the bridge for me. She is Nanna to my DC and she dotes on them. I wouldn't have it any other way.

RedPony Wed 06-Aug-14 21:17:57

O think it's fine. We refer to Ds's step grandmother as Nanny as she is his grandmother by marriage

TattiePants Wed 06-Aug-14 21:18:17

My children have as many step grandparents as 'real' grand parents. They are all just Gran, Nana, Grandad etc and the step part has never been considered. My eldest understands that some of his GP's are our parents and that others are our parents partners but it makes no difference to them.

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 06-Aug-14 21:20:16

My stepfather (who I don't think if as my father) thinks of my children as his grandchildren. They call him by his first name though (as I do). My sister's son calls him grampa (or will do when he can talk). She calls him by his first name but refers to him as her dad.

We're a stepfamily too. DH's parents call DS1 their grandson, the same as DS2. He has elected to call them nan and granddad and thinks of himself as having 3 sets of grandparents. He has recently acquired a (lovely) stepmother, but I don't think he'll start thinking of her parents as grandparents. That's only because he was a teenager when he met his stepmum. He might though. It's really up to him.

I have no idea his he'll feel about DH's position if he had children in the future. I guess it's up to him really.

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