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to be so upset, my baby ( well nearly two) is upstairs crying and I am down stairs to sleep train her

(76 Posts)
SweetSummerSweetPea Wed 06-Aug-14 03:06:52

Its heartbreaking, she is up there crying her little heart out with dh....and I am sleeping downstairs....we have not been parted since the day she was born and am still BF her, but she is waking up twice a night so said - no more...lets try and sleep train her....poor little lamb....

anothervisittothepark Wed 06-Aug-14 16:50:32

I dont think anyone is saying sleep deprivation is a badge of honour. Or criticising sleep training. We are just exchanging stories and looking for tips.

SweetSummerSweetPea Wed 06-Aug-14 21:04:40

MILLION

I don't think CC at 10 months is a badge of honour either. Each to their own confused I did it with my first and now I see how you can do things differently I feel very guilty.

SweetSummerSweetPea Wed 06-Aug-14 21:05:05

Into the breach again, tonight!

hels71 Wed 06-Aug-14 21:10:07

Really really also recommend Dr Jay Gordon...we used it with DD. First night tears but still cuddles from me....second night....a few grumps when she realised no feeding....then fine...

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine Wed 06-Aug-14 21:16:24

Total sympathy op. No one but no one understands the total devestating effect sleep deprivation can cause in a parent.
Unless they had it.

I did cc with ds1 ( 14 months)as I nearly crashed my car falling asleep at the wheel, believe me that was a wake up call for me to realise that things had to change. I was also pregnant with dc2.

Bloody best thing I ever did. Took 2 nights and then utter bliss he went into his own bed no tears and happy as Larry.

Did the same with ds 2 at 6 months.

DD 1 at 5 months and DD2 wierdly slept through herself.

You have to be committed and knackered enough to totally need it to work. For me there was no alternative.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine Wed 06-Aug-14 21:19:58

Why feel guilty at cc. Trust me ds1 is now 24 and he's fine as they all are.

Feeling guilty goes with the territory of parenting but it's not necessarily rational. I would have felt far worse if I had crashed the car and ds had been injured.

Parents need sleep. Parents need to be functioning human beings.

HavanaSlife Wed 06-Aug-14 21:20:12

I need to stop feeding to sleep, but he just gets so upset.

Have nothing against cc, I used it with my first 2 but they were older (2 years) so old enough to know I wasn't going very far. It's not something I'd use personally on a young child who didn't understand

Gradual retreat with ds3 was a much better way of doing things though, no upset, took slightly longer than the cc but was a much better experience!

SweetSummerSweetPea Wed 06-Aug-14 21:20:32

Thanks Body.

I will probably be kicking myself didnt do it earliertoo!

HavanaSlife Wed 06-Aug-14 21:22:24

My oldest is 19 and cc was something that pretty much everyone I knew used at that time

flossieflower Wed 06-Aug-14 21:26:37

I also used the Jay Gordon method to nightwean 18 month old twins who'd breast fed every two hours every night for their whole lives. Took about five nights (I did three nights of a quick feed then back in the cot and sit with them until they went to sleep then two nights of a quick cuddle then back in the cot and sit then after that sat with them but didn't pick them up but it really wasn't needed at all after 5 nights- they just slept for the whole 12 hours which was bliss!!). They carried on breast feeding during the day until 26 months but not after the last feed at bedtime.

Good luck- sleep deprivation is hell.

combust22 Wed 06-Aug-14 21:27:57

Not for me, I wouldn't leave my child to cry, but if that is the approach you are taking then I hope it works for you.

maddening Wed 06-Aug-14 21:28:31

Just over 2 I had an op and till then was bf and co sleeping with ds - dfiance and I swapped over and ds did cry and his dad stayed with him all the way and coslept (double mattress on ds' floor) and within a week ds was sleeping in his toddler bed and sleeping through the night with df on mattress on floor next to him - I sleep on the mattress now but it totally broke the night feeds and bf to sleep.

As long as there is someone with dc then it is fine - it is fine to hate this bit though (I missed the first night as was in hospital then the next night was off it on codeine so am sure that I would have been like you if it wasn't t for the op)

flossieflower Wed 06-Aug-14 21:28:49

Also should have said I told them every two hours for several days before we started the process that they wouldn't be having mummy milk at night any more and they did understand what was happening. I could never have left a crying child after the reading I've done on attachment so the Jay Gordon method was perfect for me as they were never left alone.

puntasticusername Wed 06-Aug-14 21:29:43

Oh, love. It's hard, it's SO hard. Lots of sympathy here (for everybody)! thanks

maddening Wed 06-Aug-14 21:35:57

Ps we were thinking of doing dr jay Gordon - it may take longer but it gentle IMO - however night 2 was night ds sttn and day 5 in his own bed. He had always been hard going sleep wise before this - I don't regret not doing it sooner - for all the broken nights it was all v hazy with bf and co sleeping - just short wake ups and feeds and back to sleep and wasn't awful - I enjoy sleeping in with ds now and think he is getting to point where I will move out but with no real angst as it is all in his own time - he doesn't fight bedtime really at all and it is quite nice and cosy.

I am glad I never had to do cc and I don't consider a parent there comforting a child as any type of crying to sleep method.

maddening Wed 06-Aug-14 21:37:59

Pps ds is bf still at 3.5 so if didn't harm the bf just removed the night feeds although he has occasional night feeds if he is poorly.

IWillOnlyEatBeans Wed 06-Aug-14 21:38:02

My 19 month old still bfs through the night. We have night weaned a couple of times and it has worked - until something has set us back (illness, teething, holidays). I de-camped to the spare room and DH co-slept with DS2. There was some upset, but not as much as I anticipated.

I'll be back in your position when his molars are finally through and we decide to go for it again...

I hope the next few nights work well for you op flowers

queenofthemountain Wed 06-Aug-14 21:42:13

Oh for goodness sake she is not distaraught.She iscross because you are not dancing to her tune.

queenofthemountain Wed 06-Aug-14 21:43:35

Never be afraid of saying no to your child.

Mini05 Wed 06-Aug-14 21:49:29

Sorry to say this but you made a rod for your own back!

My DS would always wake when we decided to eat at night around 7pm my midwife said to me put him upstairs, he's been washed,changed, fed
Leave him to cry.
We had monitor on, so could hear him crying. It lasted about 10 mins and it killed me but I did it
So from then on after 7 ish feed he went in Moses upstairs. He was in his own room from when he didn't wake during night.

It worked, I honestly can say I have never had any crying when he got to toddler age in his own room he was used to it.

SweetSummerSweetPea Wed 06-Aug-14 22:00:57

they just slept for the whole 12 hours which was bliss!!) Nivarna I am looking forward too!!!

Not for me, I wouldn't leave my child to cry, but if that is the approach you are taking then I hope it works for you She is crying for BF my DH is there in bed upstairs with her to comfort her grin

This thread is taking a predictable turn!

SweetSummerSweetPea Wed 06-Aug-14 22:04:50

.She iscross because you are not dancing to her tune*

I don't subscribe to that train of thought with young children at all.

I am sure it will be fine soon! Its just hard because she has been next to me and BF twice a night for two years. It wasn't that bad actually, not as bas as my first who was in moses for 3 months....that was a killer!

This time round I had fabulous co sleeper cot and was really disturbed very little....baby was enormously happy.

However as you can imagine, its a huge change for us now...I want her to stop waking at night for BM hence me down stairs...and after a few weeks, if this works we will then move her to her own bedroom...

It was her shrill high pitched shriek that drove me to write op last night...aND dh told me today why she did that...

combust22 Wed 06-Aug-14 22:08:02

sweet you did ask. I make no judgement, just not my style of parenting, that's all.

SweetSummerSweetPea Wed 06-Aug-14 22:14:27

No problems combust I just wanted to make it clear she is not being left to cry, my DH is with her.

Thats all.

TarkaTheOtter Wed 06-Aug-14 22:15:31

Oh dear OP, you're getting judged by both the pro- and anti-sleep training camps at the same time! wine

Good luck tonight, hopefully she'll understand the new status quo pretty quickly.

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