to be so upset, my baby ( well nearly two) is upstairs crying and I am down stairs to sleep train her

(76 Posts)
SweetSummerSweetPea Wed 06-Aug-14 03:06:52

Its heartbreaking, she is up there crying her little heart out with dh....and I am sleeping downstairs....we have not been parted since the day she was born and am still BF her, but she is waking up twice a night so said - no more...lets try and sleep train her....poor little lamb....

KnackeredMuchly Wed 06-Aug-14 03:10:38

sad no advice here, just keeping you company

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle Wed 06-Aug-14 03:10:49

You have my sympathy, it's brutal. Your dd has your dh with her so she's not alone. This too shall pass.

Best of luck, hope it works quickly.

<holds hands> I had the exact same child. What I did, after much soul searching, was a self-invented sleep training system (I should write a book). I went back every time she cried, "Mummy loves you" then out. Every time. That way she didn't get what she wanted; picked up, BF or whatever, but she did know I would never leave her.

I think if your DH goes in there, your little one knows the same; that her parents love her and won't leave her.

BTW, DD, now 3.5, sleeps like an angel and NEVER wakes up (I'm touching wood right now) except for illness.

SweetSummerSweetPea Wed 06-Aug-14 03:27:37

thank you so much ladies....she has quietened down now....has been stirring since 1.30pm though. the last cry was particularly nasty and shrill. she is still in our room so in there asleep with dh, so hoping to break the BF night habit then move her into own room, but one step at a time. grin.

Mrs T thats so sweet...I am staying away for two nights and after this will do same thing as you.

Good luck flowers

ChatEnOeuf Wed 06-Aug-14 06:40:59

Have you looked at Dr Jay Gordon's night weaning advice? It's very gentle. We were lucky, DD stopped caring about milk in the middle of the night when she was about 10 months old, but she still wakes for cuddles most nights!

wobblyweebles Wed 06-Aug-14 07:13:46

I had the exact same child. What I did, after much soul searching, was a self-invented sleep training system (I should write a book). I went back every time she cried, "Mummy loves you" then out. Every time. That way she didn't get what she wanted; picked up, BF or whatever, but she did know I would never leave her.

We did something similar and it did work after a couple of weeks, after which my daughter became a fabulous sleeper and also a much happier, healthier child.

temporarilyjerry Wed 06-Aug-14 07:22:51

DS2 didn't sleep through the night until we put him in his own room. Is that a possibility?

HavanaSlife Wed 06-Aug-14 07:22:57

I had to sit in with ds3 at this age, he was still waking for a bottle quite a few times a night. It took about a week but was slightly better each night and then he started sleeping through. He was a much happier child in theeday once he was getting more sleep.

Luckily bf ds4 18 m has pretty much dropped night feeds on his own, it must be hard not being able to go into her but she has her dad and will be fine. My friend did what you are doing and it worked after a couple of nights

HavanaSlife Wed 06-Aug-14 07:24:55

Oh and like temp said, the sleeping in own room really helped all of mine so if you decide it isnt working this way, putting in own room then trying again in a few weeks might work better

PocketFluff Wed 06-Aug-14 07:49:36

I'll second the Jay Gordon method. It's very gentle and 'natural'. We didn't get any crying, just a bit of grumbling and from the third night doing it she started sleeping through. A real shock to the system after a year and a half of being up every hour or two!

drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

MissBeans Wed 06-Aug-14 08:07:23

I tried Dr Jay Gordon & it knackered me out. His method didn't work for us. Watching with interest.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Wed 06-Aug-14 08:14:12

Not helpful, but my DD still wakes up in the night at 5y/o to come and get into bed with me. Its something I have accepted and enjoy. I did not do sleep training, I think bed time can be traumatic enough when you are little. Being left in a room alone at night.

anothervisittothepark Wed 06-Aug-14 08:32:46

Puds, what has your journey been to get to this point? My 2.5 yo is in bed all night with me and still bf regularly during the night. I keep saying i need to do somethibg to improve situation. I would like to at least stop bf and just co sleep. But i cant seem to change it. He gets so upset. I keep going back to me "go with the flow he will outgrow it eventually" method. If he is still coming in for cuddle at 5 I dont think i would mind as long as he is not still bf all night at that age!!

Horses for courses. I was broken at 2 years. My DH thought I had depression. I was useless at work (really thought I had permanent baby brain; I couldn't think) and was worried about driving. I hadn't slept more than a few hours in a row in three years (I also had pregnancy insomnia). DD was also an early riser who thought 4.30am was morning. Search MN's early risers thread if you want a glimpse into hell.

I resisted any form of sleep training vehemently until I was sure DD could understand it and knew it wasn't us leaving her. She didn't like the first few nights very much but she knew we were there.

I think this is one of those areas (like food, FF/BF and others) where women need to support each other, whatever their choices as long as those choices are safe.

SweetSummerSweetPea Wed 06-Aug-14 14:51:31

puds

I did not do sleep training, I think bed time can be traumatic enough when you are little. Being left in a room alone at night.

grin my dd is nearly two and has been by my side since birth, so has never been alone her in room and never cried out for us. she was in a moses after birth down stairs and we carried her up with us at night to a co sleeper cot.

Anyway, DH said last night was not too bad in the end. At one point she was looking for breast on him, couldn't find it, climbed on him to have a better look and when she saw his face, let out a blood curdling scream. Which I heard too.

But he said although she woke up several times, she was quite easy to settle back down.

When she saw me down stairs this morning she let out a huge squeal of delight and jumped on me.

So, night one OK!

Not so great for me, as I was tortured by a mosquito buzzing in my ear all night, I have had 4 hours sleep.

Will look into this jay method, thanks.

taking it one step at a time, get her off night feeds and then into own room.

SweetSummerSweetPea Wed 06-Aug-14 14:53:37

I resisted any form of sleep training vehemently until I was sure DD could understand it and knew it wasn't us leaving her.

Same here, I feel she is old enough to know we are still there ( she knows DH was there!), I feel guilty now, when left fist to cry but I have not had a proper sleep for nearly two years!

It.Is.Time!

TarkaTheOtter Wed 06-Aug-14 15:02:54

What's there to feel guilty about - she's still being settled to sleep by a loving parent?!?

IceBeing Wed 06-Aug-14 15:06:46

I just read the Dr. Jay thing..I have A LOT of time for that sort of advice and mode of giving advice....I wish all parenting suggestions were made in that tone!

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Wed 06-Aug-14 16:14:27

another I co-slept until she was almost 3, then she moved into her own room. I had stopped breast feeding at 15months and she would have a little bit of water before bed/in the night which I weaned her off by 3.

From age 3-4 i would sit with her while she fell asleep in her own room then leave and she would totter into my room in the night. Now she goes to sleep in her own room, I do story, night night kiss then leave her. I always go back in to check on her 'in 10mins'. Some nights she sleeps the whole night in her own bed, some nights she comes and gets into my bed.

Bed sharing doesn't bother me as its just the two of us, and I like our little cuddles. I think if there were three in the bed it would be a bit too cramped.

Following with interest to see how you get on on subsequent nights smile

23mo DD is still sleeping in a single pushed up against our bed and we are hoping to change this arrangement by the end of the year! Have coslept since birth, bf is down to one at bedtime only, plus if she wakes before about 5am i feed her, any later than that, its morning and I say mummy's milk is asleep til bedtime lol

i keep meaning to read the jay Gordon thing but haven't managed to do it yet. Funnily enough if i have spare time to read in the evening, i fall asleep instead. Can't imagine why wink

And puds your little girl sounds like my middle DD, now 5.5yo and she does stay in her bed all night, bar the occasional request for a drink in the night. We followed a very similar pattern to the one you've described.

AllHailTheBigPurpleOne Wed 06-Aug-14 16:26:38

Just offering support here. We've been retraining 21 month old dd for the last few days. I thought we were all done since Feb but dd's 18 month sleep regression kicked in 6 weeks ago. Fun.
Last night I put her in her cot and she started to wail so I asked her if I should come back in 5 minutes. She said essss (yes) and i went out and not a peep til half 6 this morning.
Oh I hope this is it now! It's nice feeling capable again.

MillionPramMiles Wed 06-Aug-14 16:30:11

Personally I'd rather sleep train than continue encouraging a toddler to feed for comfort rather than hunger but each to their own.

Do whatever you feel comfortable with but sleep deprivation isn't a badge of honour. Quality, uninterrupted sleep is something you, your dh and your dd all need and deserve.
I did cc with my dd at 10 mths. As a toddler she positively leaps into her cot at bedtime, loves being cosy with her teddies in there and definitely doesn't want to be in bed with us. She sleeps through and wakes happy. Something she didn't do as a baby with frequent night wakings.

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