AIBU to think he should just accept my explanation?

[creampie]

I call people 'cariad' (it's a Welsh thing, it means 'love'). Am starting to think this is a bad habit I should try and stop.

After a week in my new job, I've just been approached on the quiet by one of the Indian staff who has just asked me to stop calling him 'curry head' as he finds it a bit racist

OMFG! Have tried to explain, but I think he thinks I'm just making excuses for my closet racism! What should I do?! AIBU to think he should just give me the benefit of the doubt?! I mean, what sort of tool would actually call someone that, openly? I think it's going to be a very long year of working together....

[Happy36]

You´ve explained, just leave it. If he does an internet or asks any Welsh friends he will know that you were not making it up.

[Happy36]

^ internet search, I meant

[BlackDaisies]

Oh dear!! In these days of lawsuits etc I think I'd be inclined to let him know in writing what it is you're saying, and that you're upset to think he's misunderstood your friendly term for a racist one!

[creampie]

Oh God, do you think it would make it worse, putting it in writing? I think I'd quite like the ground to swallow me right about now...

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Oh god!

I think that now you've explained it should be fine. I don't see why he would think you were making it up, he will hear you calling other people cariad. It was a misunderstanding, probably largely based on the fact that he had no idea this word existed so he was hearing it as the most similar word/s he is familiar with.

Can you mention it to HR? Just so it's on record?

[creampie]

I feel like I'm in that Friends episode where Rachel has to explain she doesn't believe her boss wants to buy her baby!

[Alisvolatpropiis]

I watched that episode today op. Ha!

[CleanLinesSharpEdges]

I find being called 'love' similar to being called hun or pet - patronising as fuck.

So yeah, stop doing it.

And do what Black has advised. A short email explaining the word and saying you're sorry he's misunderstood, maybe copy your line manager or HR person in.

[Bluestocking]

I think you should put it in writing.
I know a man who swears he unwittingly caused terrible offence during the months he spent working for a Japanese firm in London. Every evening, he would say "goodnight, chaps!" as he left for the day. He wondered sadly why all his workmates were so unfriendly - only to discover on his last day that they had all heard "goodnight, Japs".

[FunkyBoldRibena]

Print out the word and the definition from the welsh dictionary and apologise profusely. Nothing else you can do really.

[BlackDaisies]

I suppose it might make it worse! I can imagine how you feel, but you've done nothing wrong here. Like you say you've tried to explain. The other thing you could do is use it to extremes, (with everyone else) to make the point it's a general term of endearment for you. Don't feel bad though. I expect he'll feel pretty bad when he realises the mistake he's made.

[Jellified]

Yanbu. This has made me smile. Thank you for sharing it
P.s we used to have a cat called Cariad but shortened it to Cari - would that work?

[Bunbaker]

Some people don't like being called love or dear. If you have already explained the welsh meaning I would just try and remember not to say cariad.

[CoffeeTea103]

Sorry but this made me too. I think just rather not use the word, given that it's brought to your attention it would only cause problems for you if you continue.

[Viviennemary]

I'd look up a link to the real meaning of the word print it out and give it to him and say you meant no harm and it was a Welsh term of endearment. But all the same I think it would be better if you just used people's names from now on.

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

I would tell hr or your manager immediately! This kind of thing can get out of hand very quickly, and you need to sort it out quickly and with witnesses.

I had a friend who got fired for being racist. She was the last person you'd believe could be racist but there was a complete misunderstanding over something she'd said, and it escalates really quickly. The company fired her even though her immediate boss and whole team tried to intervene and explain on her behalf. It came down to firing someone was alot less costly than being taken to court for discrimination - the company covered their own arse.

So, I'm sorry if my post sounds scaremongering, but I would react swiftly to cover my arse if I were you

[thenightsky]

YANBU. It's not like you are only calling him 'cariad'. He must hear you saying it to others around, on phone etc.

[WallyBantersJunkBox]

Goodnight Japs!

[creampie]

Don't worry, have definitely learned my lesson, there will be no more colloquialisms from me

[HappySeaTurtles]

Some people love getting offended and feeling hard done by. I'd put it in writing before he decides to take it further and it's your ass on the line.

[Sp1rals]

Obviously this is about perceived racism but tbh I think there is no place for calling people 'love' in a professional environment. I had a colleague call me love, darlin, sweetheart etc. I lasted two days til we had words. It's completely inappropriate.

[JessieMcJessie]

OP, are you (a) Welsh and/or (b) in Wales? Might be harder to explain if neither!

Unfortunately I agree with other posters that terms of endearment are not appropriate in a work environment, so while it's funny it's been picked up on for this reason, probably best all round not to use it at all, to anyone.

[LoveBeingInTheSun]

Bluestocking

I agree you need to make he/your boss aware

[FoxyHarlow123]

I definitely wouldn't email but I would just call people their names at work from now on.