To wish that people would stop banging on about only children?

(18 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Thu 31-Jul-14 20:37:32

And stop stereotyping them. I have one dd and unless the immaculate conception occurs I am in no position to have another as I'm a single mum. I'm not desperate to have another as I'm loving the relative freedom I have with a 6 year ok'd. I've always found motherhood hard albeit wonderful.

My dd isn't great at sharing but she can be very kind. I'm just fed up of the insensitive " it's because she's an only child" every time she has a tantrum or something. She has a lot of friends living on our street and they okay together constantly.

I wish people would stop generalising especially as my sister and I hardly ever talk and we don't get on at all. Our sibling rivalry is vicious and quite psychological rather than manifesting in physical or verbal matches.

Besides some women can't conceive (what if I can't)so comments about only children are very insensitive IMHO.

And yes I'd love to meet the right guy hand have the 2.4 family but that ain't gonna happen with me.

superstarheartbreaker Thu 31-Jul-14 20:38:09

They play together constantly that should read.

curiousgeorgie Thu 31-Jul-14 20:40:21

I have siblings and initially planned to only have one child. I hate the implication that siblings will automatically get on, as this isn't always the case (as with one of my brothers!)

I agree OP, the sterotype isn't fair. As is the FTM stereotype when somebody's parenting style is simply different. I've only been on MN for a week or so but I keep seeing this oh your a FTM snobbery on a few types of posts. It's like there's a point score based on how many times you use your uterus.

You can be spoilt/delayed/whatever other nasty thing due to being on only child OR due to having siblings.

As you can be a crap/brilliant parent to just one, or more children.

TheScottishPlay Thu 31-Jul-14 20:49:52

Yyyyyy! Only children are treated like some freak show sub species on here.
Children are individuals and families are families whether they comprise of 2 or 20 people.
My hate phrase is 'a couple with a child'.

Minshu Thu 31-Jul-14 20:51:21

I have had a hard time coming to terms with the idea that DD will be an only child, but it's not looking likely that I'll conceive again. We both come from families with 2 or 3 children, so always felt it would be "right" to have a second child. But rationally, I can see as many families with dysfunctional sibling relationships as those with siblings who get on well. I know some lovely, generous only children and some spoilt argumentative people who grew up in large families. So, YANBU, and glad you are enjoying your relationship with your lovely DD.

HearMyRoar Thu 31-Jul-14 20:57:02

I only have one child and do not plan on having any more purely out of choice. I love dd like mad but simply don't want another and neither does dh so thankfully that is that.

Some people seem to find this strangely unreasonable, it amazes me how complete strangers feel the need to tell me how sad dd will be without a sibling.

I on the other hand secretly think that anyone who chooses to have more then one child is really a bit deranged. I just don't get it at all. I am, however, to polite to mention this to them.

SinisterBuggyMonth Thu 31-Jul-14 21:00:40

God yes. I'm an only child and was forever being told by strangers that it meant I was spoilt. No, it meant my parents couldn't afford to have another kid actually. If they'd paid a bit more attention they might have noticed all my clothes were jumble sale and toys second hand.

ithoughtofitfirst Thu 31-Jul-14 21:01:56

What the eff? Who would have that attitude? So mean sad

Don't listen OP x

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye Thu 31-Jul-14 21:05:40

I was fine about it until someone referred to them as 'onesies'.

Then I was offended.

grin

Ignore them. Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one and it usually stinks.

wink

mum9876 Thu 31-Jul-14 21:15:10

Personally I find that people who don't have to share on a regular basis, share better because it's a sort of pleasure rather than a loss.

The only person I know who has managed to retire aged 50 is an only dc.

guggenheim Thu 31-Jul-14 21:24:18

Agree. I'm an only and out of all the shit which has happened to me,exactly none of it is down to being an only child.

Family dynamics are much more complicated then making snap judgements based on where a child is in a family. It's also weird to assume that only children don't have close contact with cousins/ aunts/uncles who are similar in age- near enough to be siblings.

And,since I started this rant,does anyone know of a household where children do not have to share? My ds is an only. He has to share time and resources with his parents- same as everyone else.<breathes>

Can't bare all the twaddle about only children or any other stupid remarks about families.If you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all. So there!

fluffyraggies Thu 31-Jul-14 21:28:13

people who don't have to share on a regular basis, share better because it's a sort of pleasure

This rings bells with me ^^

My 3 older DC were bought up to not be grabby, and to share where possible. I have always tried to be as fair with physical 'stuff' as possible. However all 3 of them make me dispair sometimes with their 'that's miiiiine not yours attitudes hmm DH can be a little like it too. He is the youngest of 4.

I'm an only and will share my last rollo with anyone who wants it grin

NynaevesSister Thu 31-Jul-14 21:30:01

With an age gap of 16 years between DS and my step children it is always assumed he is an only. And the amount of people who feel free to tell me how selfish I am!

Sapat Thu 31-Jul-14 21:34:56

Oh come on, people will make comments whatever you do. Some look down on you because you work, or don't work, because you are not married, because your family is reconstituted, or you are a single parent, of have one child, or have more than two. Because you only have sons, or only have daughters, because you are a teen mom or an older mum, you are over protective of your child, or too lax.... I could go on all night....
There will always be criticism, I think it is pointless getting het up about it.

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey Thu 31-Jul-14 21:36:40

I raised dd1 by myself. Sometimes I did wish she had a sibling as I felt guilty she was lonely. She us 19 now and said it never bothered her as she has nothing to compare it too.

She is a lovely well rounded kind , generous young lady. I'm very proud of her. I also spoilt her rotten because I could .

I've just had dd2 ( massive age difference) and dp is wanting a sibling for her. I don't think she needs one, he does.

I must admit though, I was a only child and felt lonely but I had shit parents.

MissWimpyDimple Thu 31-Jul-14 21:39:20

I think it's because they are secretly jealous of how easygoing and simple it is to be the parent of one grin

Many of my friends went on to have more children, all of those children are of course wonderful little blessings, but the relationship those parents have with their first born is changed forever and they are no way near as close as I am to DD.

I love being an only child. Love it. I'm also married to an only child who wouldn't have had it any other way, and both of his parents are very happy only children. My mum's brothers are 16 and 18 years older than her respectively so she was raised as an only child as they'd long since moved out by the time she was old enough to be aware of things.

We all share, are socially adept, have/had good jobs and we have a small but very close and supportive family. Christmas is a cheap doddle grin Only child bashing absolutely shits me. DH and I are about to have our second DC, but only because we fancied another, not because of any weird ideas that DS would be disadvantaged by being an only. We're both actually spending these last few days before the birth commiserating with DS about his loss of only child status (it's OK - he's only 2.2yo so he has no idea what we're on about) and wondering how the hell we're going to sort out sibling disputes, since we have zero experience of anything of the kind, and can't exactly consult our parents.

<throws a cheeky wink at HearMyRoar>

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