To leave the baby to dh for the rest of the evening?

(60 Posts)
Edieandkoala Thu 31-Jul-14 16:51:52

4 month old dd wakes for a feed at 4am. I always do this (am a bit of an insomniac anyway). Then she wakes at 6.30. I'd happy to come into our bd and lay down/cuddle etc for an hour or so, but is very figety, so no way I can get back to sleep.

Dh has today and tomorrow off work. It's not the job from hell, it's a v cushy council job, flexi time, only 9-5, only a ten min fri from home.today he's tired. He woke at 11. From 7.30 to 11 I was entertaining dd and doing housework.

To be fair, most weekends he wakes with us at half seven, but a lot of the time he'll sleep in.

Went back to bed when dd had her nap at 1.

It's almost 5 and ha still asleep. Dd has jus gone down for a nap. I've put her on the bed next to him and now I'm in the garden with wine.

I don't intend to do another bloody thing all evening apart from sitting in the garden. When she wakes up in 20 mins he can deal with her and carry on until dh goes down for the night at 8.30.

I'm fucking shattered, but life goes on.

I've also done all the housework for the past two weeks as he'll do some if asked, but expects to be treated like the second coming for doing the hovering. He's not my child or my lodger, so him expecting gratitude for it makes me think forget it then, ill just bloody do it.

I'm so pissed off.

lettertoherms Fri 01-Aug-14 08:16:03

This sounds really difficult, and unfair on you. This needs to change.

First, I was to echo precious posters - if he can sleep as you've described, there could well be an underlying illness. You go to bed at 10ish, and he woke at 11? So 13 hours? And then a couple hours awake before 4 more hours sleep? And then you expect him to sleep soon after DD? That's definitely not normal. I sleep like that when my iron levels are very low, but could not when functioning normally. No healthy adult could sleep that much out of just laziness.

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy Fri 01-Aug-14 08:26:38

If you need an hour when you are not responsible, you need to go out on your own to costa or something.

Pyjamaramadrama Thu 07-Aug-14 22:49:51

How are things now op?

littleSpud Thu 07-Aug-14 23:01:08

Your dh sounds a right twat, sorry

But your situation has resonated with me, feel like I'm "the default parent" too

Dh "does his bit" but not as much as I do and when he does stuff it's like he expects gratitude like "ta da look what I've done!" Well no ones grateful to me for all I do or even bloody notices Ffs

No real advice but just letting you know you're not the only one x

Johnogroats Thu 07-Aug-14 23:14:39

I had a better time than you and I was a de facto single parent. DH was stuck in a submarine for much of DS 1s first year. But he was working 24/7 and bringing home (sending!! home) the money.

OP - he is utterly pathetic.

thanks. wine

Longdistance Thu 07-Aug-14 23:37:03

My dh was still is useless. I got so frustrated with doing everything, I got up onr Saturday morning, had my breakfast? Threw dd1 at him, and walked out the door. No discussion whatsoever.

I must say, dds still wake at night on the odd occasion, and I deal with them still. Dd1 will be 5 next month hmm

ADHDNoodles Fri 08-Aug-14 03:00:08

When DH gets home, I plop DD on his lap and take a nap. His turn.

He gets nights, but gets to sleep in. So it's fair that I get the evenings off.

Blueuggboots Fri 08-Aug-14 03:51:47

My exH was a sleeper - he'd stay in bed almost every morning and the days he said he'd get up, he'd wait until DS was screaming and isn't awake anyway until 10 or 11, even if we had agreed to go out for the day.
He'd often nap in the afternoon and go to bed by 9.
He let me do EVERYTHING and I would have to be eternally grateful if he put a wash on or deigned to spend more than 5 minutes in our presence.
I made a mistake with my work hours and told him he would have to cancel his plans the next day. He refused and I had to find childcare for DS so he could do voluntary work. He left my DS with a friend for 13 hours without so much as a phone call.
He was a grade A wanker and I'm so much better off without him!

Humansatnav Fri 08-Aug-14 07:17:10

I have ongoing anemia, and if I don't take mt iron for s few days I feel totally knackered, BUT I still manage to be a fully functioning adult.
He is taking the piss big time.
When my 2nd dc was born dh was working 50-60 hours per week in a high stress job , and is 20 yrs older than me and we had one sleep in a weekend each and I had 1-2 evenings "off" a week ( cinema, meal out with friends, taking a book to bed at 5 pm and staying there all night etc.).
You need to rest too !

Cheeky76890 Fri 08-Aug-14 09:51:18

My DH had a teenage like entitlement to long sleeps as a parent. Initially I rolled with it thinking he needed sleep more then me. However we are much fairer now, I get a sleep in each week and he does 3 nights with DS who co-sleeps

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